Excellent parents and teachers are liars! (In-depth good article)

There is a lyric in "Seeing Flowers in the Mist" that goes like this: Lend me a pair of wise eyes, let me see this world clearly and truly.

In the face of life, we may have to have a pair of eyes, but when educating children, I have always told parents that we had better open one eye and close one eye.

With that open eye to see the child's strengths, strengths and potentials, the child's shortcomings, deficiencies and problems, if we can close our eyes, those shortcomings, deficiencies and problems do not exist.

Some parents are very smart, and he once asked me, "Isn't that self-deception?" These parents may not know that learning to cheat may be the highest state of education.

1

A mom went to a parent-teacher conference, and the teacher told the mom that her child was the worst in the class and would be distracted by sitting for up to three minutes. The mother went back and lied to the child and said:

The teacher praised you and said that you can sit for three minutes now, which is a great improvement.

The child was very excited. He was able to sit slowly for five minutes, ten minutes... This mother has used this method of deception to trick her child into Tsinghua University.

A student only scored 12 points in the Chinese test, and the teacher asked him why he did not take the test well, and he said that he was not interested in the language and did not listen carefully in class. The teacher lied to him and said:

"You're not interested, and you can get a score of 12 without listening carefully, which shows that you are too good." If it takes a little time, it will be better. ”

The next time this child scored 20 points, the teacher exaggerated that he was very smart, with a little effort to improve so much, this child in the teacher's deception, has been constantly working hard, and finally the results are getting better and better.

This teacher used this method to trick every child into thinking that he was the smartest. He created the myth of Chinese education, no matter how bad the class he took over, after a year of education, his class no longer has a bad student, and each class score is the first place in the city, far ahead of other schools.

There is a world-class big liar named Rosenthal, who is a world-famous psychologist. Once he went to a school, randomly picked a dozen children, insisted that they were geniuses, and eight months later, the principal and teachers of the school really found that these children had improved significantly and slowly became geniuses.

This scam came to be known as the "Rosenthal Effect," also known as the "Expectation Effect." Almost any teacher who studies education knows about this scam. Anyone who can understand some truth from it and master this deception has become an excellent teacher.

Unfortunately, many teachers know about this scam, but because they have a pair of wise eyes, they can't open their eyes and close their eyes, and they see the problems of their children clearly, and finally fail to become the best teacher.

2

I have been doing education for so many years, and recently I suddenly understood why I can make my children like me more and achieve a little success in education, it turns out that I am also a "liar".

Two weeks ago, four children had eaten and run to my office, giggling and unsteadily like monkeys. I told the kids that if anyone could sit down first, I would look him in the eye and tell him if he was smart or not. The children immediately fell silent.

I first told them: Teacher Liu has seen countless children all over the country, just look at the eyes, you can know who is smart and who is not.

When I look at the past one by one, most of the children have expectation in their eyes, but one child obviously carries some concern, maybe he thinks he is not very smart. Then I began to publish conclusions: one by one, I told them that it was the smart kids.

Then I said, "Teacher Liu thinks it's very strange, why are all four of you children smart?" I deliberately re-watched it again, stressing again that I read it right, that each one was a smart kid. At this time, each child's face was full of happy smiles and sat very upright.

If you think about two decades of education, there are countless situations like this. Education turned out to be such a simple thing. The best education turns out to be a lie to the children and tell him that he is the best.

From this point of view, the best teachers are actually parents, parents are the child's first teachers when the child is young, and each is an excellent teacher with superb deception.

Often, parents tell me about their own troubles, saying that their children are very naïve and do not understand things like other people's children. Usually I congratulate this parent. Because, when a child is still relatively naïve, he gives parents the opportunity to lie to him.

If a child looks old and mature, and his parents' deception has become dismissive, or even scorned, and bored, then education will lose one of its most powerful weapons.

3

Why does deception have such power?

The biggest secret of the formation of human behavior is: first set as, then pretend to be, and then become. For example, we want our children to be learning people. You can use the above three steps to achieve.

First set as:

Say in every way that children love to learn. Tell your child that he is a good boy who loves to learn. Tell others that he is a good boy who loves to learn. Usually, he is treated as a good child who loves to learn.

Reloaded as:

When a child starts out, he may be inexplicable about what he says to you, but when he often hears others promoting him as a role model who loves to learn, he may try to feel like he loves to learn.

As soon as a child has any sign of love for learning, he will immediately be affirmed by others: he is indeed a child who loves to learn. Then this child will show his love of learning in front of these people, even if he does not really love learning, he will have to pretend to love learning.

The more people around him said he loved to learn, the wider the scope of his outfit; the longer the people around him who said he loved to learn persisted, the longer he pretended.

Later becomes:

When this child often pretends to love to learn, he slowly forms a habit. He felt that he was such a person, and that loving learning was his original state, so he really became a good child who loved to learn.

As the saying goes, a lie told a thousand times becomes the truth, and if everyone believes in who a certain person is, then he must become someone. Psychologists have studied and concluded that what kind of person you want someone to become, you should treat him as what kind of person he is.

Good teachers and parents follow this principle, intentionally or unintentionally, by first classifying their children as excellent, intelligent, and loving... Then, the child pretends to be this kind of person in front of these teachers or parents, and finally they really become this kind of person, and the education of the teacher or parent is also successful.

However, it should be noted that when you keep telling your child that he is not good enough, you are actually a liar, but you have deceived your child into a person who is not excellent.

It turns out that "cheating" is a kind of educational wisdom, and the success of education lies in how you "cheat" children. If you want your child to be good, please "lie" to him and say that he is excellent.