"You look at you, come back is to play, obviously the grades are not as good as others, but also do not study." You see people obviously, not only every time to take the first exam, but also every day to study, you can't learn from others, how did I give birth to such a useless child as you? ”
Are these words a little familiar to parents, and think about whether we will inadvertently say these words to our children. However, when these words are said, the parents are angry to death, and the children are more and more rebellious, but it is even more difficult to learn.
What's more fatal is that in the child's subconscious, he will think: I am a poor student, I am not out of work, I am a scum.
Is this the result of parental education? I think most parents don't want to see such an ending, and I used to be such a mother who often destroys her child's self-confidence.
My son was in the sixth grade, his grades were terrible, and then I went to the parent-teacher conference and was ready to "clean up" him. For a whole summer, I didn't do anything, just did one thing, staring at him every day to learn.
But the son either held the book for no more than three minutes, or lay down on the couch and fell asleep; or sat on the couch watching TV; or sat at the desk in a daze. I didn't read a word anyway.
At the beginning, I was able to resist and slowly reason with him: Son, can you read the book? See where it won't, mom comes to counsel you.
However, the child promised very well, and within a few minutes he could not control himself, so I was angry and quarreled with him: You see you, like a monkey, can not study in peace? It's not that I don't let you play, learn for a while, play for a while. Learn to learn seriously, play to have fun, who do you show this? Are you blind to me? I was perfunctory every day.
My son was angry when he saw me, and he was angry: I just won't? What do you think? I'm in a hurry, I'm not going to school yet?
"Well, if you don't go to school, I'll beat you to death now, and when I haven't given birth to this child, I might as well not raise a child like this." Hearing the child arguing with me, I also angrily grabbed the broom and beat him up, saying while hitting: See if you still learn?
The result can be imagined, I was crying with anger, the child was still going his own way, and there was no sign of correction at all. And a more serious problem arises: the child begins to feel inferior and silent.
Since then, children have not wanted to go out, nor to play with other children, sitting on the sofa all day, sometimes sleeping with hazy eyes, sometimes with a confused face and saying to me: Mom, I am so bad, it is not interesting to live.
Hearing the child say this, I was a little scared, so I began to encourage him to see his own strengths, he was a very good little boy.
At this time, the child said with a look of distrust: Mother, you don't lie to me. I know that I am useless, not only do I not study well, but I am also sick, and I live to increase the burden on society.
Since then, I was very afraid of the child's performance, but I didn't know what to do, so I began to read psychology, and later understood that the child's timidity and inferiority are all problems with the guidance of parents.
That is to say, if parents do not have an education about their children's self-confidence, then the children will not only not get better, but will get worse and worse, and even doubt life and doubt the value of their own survival.
For parents, there are three important roles for developing boys' self-confidence:
First of all, only confident children can get better and better. If the child himself cannot affirm himself, then he will take the initiative to withdraw in the face of anything;
Second, confident children have a greater sense of purpose. Take my child, later I deliberately exercised his self-confidence, he from the initial scum, slowly positioned to become a bully;
Finally, confident children, anything can be done. When my child first went to junior high school, he was a real scum, and the doors were not passed, and in the end the doors were excellent.
This is because when a child has confidence, he can really be excellent. For parents, preaching and belittling are the most wrong behaviors, and only by cultivating their children's self-confidence can children become more and more excellent.