I would never say to my son, "As long as you do well in the test, what do you want to give?" because in my opinion, this kind of behavior is essentially bribing the child and turning what the child should have done into the parent's thing, although the reward will work at the beginning, but if the parent understands the Desi effect, the parent will not reward the child.
The Desi effect
Psychologist Edward Desi once conducted a famous experiment, and he immediately dispatched some students to solve some interesting intellectual problems alone. At the beginning of the experiment, all students were not rewarded for solving the problem; When the experiment is carried out for a certain period of time, some students will receive a reward of $1 for each difficult problem, and another part of the students will still not be rewarded;
Finally, during the break, the researchers found that the students who had not been rewarded still maintained a greater interest in solving the problem and would continue to solve the problem during the break, while the part of the student with the reward rarely continued to solve the problem during the break.
The Desi effect tells us that when the child has no interest in a thing in his heart, blind reward will only make the child feel that this is an exchange behavior, Australian psychology Doctor Person once pointed out that material rewards will make children gradually learn, no matter what parents ask them to do, they must provide rewards, even if it is closely related to their own interests, there is no motivation without rewards.
The story of the Desi effect
Once an old man in a village was recuperating, but there were some very naughty children living nearby, and the noise made it impossible for the old man to rest well, and in the case of repeated prohibitions, the old man came up with a solution - he called the children together, telling them who shouted louder, who got the more rewards, and he gave different rewards each time according to the children's noisy situation.
When children have become accustomed to receiving rewards, the elderly begin to gradually reduce the rewards given, and finally no matter how noisy the children are, the elderly do not give a penny. In the end, the child never quarreled again. The reason why children no longer quarrel is because children have linked their noisy behavior with their own interests, and they will not want to quarrel without rewards.
Praise is more effective than encouragement
Why, I have not rewarded my son, but my son is still very active in learning, and he scores 100 points in his homework? That's because I prefer to praise rather than rewards, rewards and praise are means of encouraging children, but rewards will make children feel that things are parental, and praise will make children have a sense of self-identity, when praised as a thing is motivated from the heart, this motivation will have a lasting effect.
Of course, you will say, you also praise the child, but it does not work, you may not have mastered the correct method of praise, I share here a set of formulas for praising children: state the facts - express feelings - express expectations.
When the child has the right or good behavior, parents need to clearly tell him what is done right, what behavior is worthy of affirmation and appreciation, rather than using "hello is great", "awesome" to perfunctory children, while expressing their feelings and expectations, such as they are very pleased, hope that the child can do better next time.
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