Feng Danian, nominally Feng Xiaoqin's younger brother, suddenly came to Shanghai and lived in the Gu family.
He seemed to have no idea that he was living in someone else's house. Grabbing food and drink, lying on his stomach casually, never taking the initiative to greet Gu Shihong and his grandmother, questioning Feng Xiaoqin's intention to let him go home, shouting whenever he was upset... It feels like he's a very uncultured person. It was as if everywhere in the world was his, and not welcoming him was bullying him.
Stills from "Heart Dwelling"
The play does not explain his growth process, but one thing is certain, Feng Xiaoqin's parents did not educate him on a basic sense of boundaries.
What is the sense of boundaries, that is, the boundaries of being a human being, which is used to divide "me" and "others". What "I" can control and what is not; what "I" can accept, and what "others" can and cannot accept. These have an invisible thread beyond which we should take care to restrain our words and deeds or remind others not to infringe on our rights and dignity. When used properly, the relationship can be maintained. Otherwise, contradictions will arise.
For example, we will teach children to play with their own toys, not their own, no matter how good they are, or they need to obtain the consent of the owner of the toy in advance to play.
Feng Danian obviously has no sense of boundaries, and is as casual as in his own home in the Gu family, of course, it is easy to cause dissatisfaction in the Gu family. Violating the boundaries of others, and not feeling guilty, so it is not far in society. Feng Xiaoqin only wanted to let him continue to study, but the basic ability to be a person was not available, and it was useless to learn more knowledge.
Like Feng Danian, who has no sense of boundaries, there is Su Wangdi.
Su Wangdi never cares whether others are happy or not, thinks where to say, and arbitrarily judges and even arranges the choices of others. At a family gathering, she said, "Gu Shihong is a good-natured father-in-law, otherwise it would not be like this in someone else's house." This obviously refers to the mismatch between Shi Yuan and Qingyu. He also asked Gu Qingyu, "You know ha." It made Shi Yuan very embarrassed.
Su Wangdi also once crossed Over Feng Xixi herself and consulted with Gu Shihong to let Feng Xixi go to her son's house as a nanny. This is also an act of gross interference with the choices of others and disrespect for others.
Marriage and work choices like the above are originally a decision made by one person and do not require others to point fingers. Unless the other person draws a lower boundary between you, that is, a closer relationship with you, and needs your advice and help. Otherwise, it is a random crossing of the line, which is easy to cause the other party to resent, cause the relationship to deteriorate and cause bad evaluation.
In fact, the contradiction between Gu Lei and Feng Xiaoqin on the examination of accounting certificates in the first few episodes, if Feng Xiaoqin could understand the truth of the boundary, there would be no tragedy.
Although Gu Lei and Feng Xiaoqin are husband and wife, the relationship is more intimate than others, but this is not a reason to cross each other's boundaries. Intimate relationships, the boundaries set by both parties are low, but not nothing. Everyone has boundaries, and intimate relationships should pay more attention to respecting each other's bottom line. Gu Lei has the freedom to choose his own employment direction, Feng Xiaoqin can express his expectations, but imposing interference and arbitrarily increasing pressure will make Gu Lei feel manipulated, and his psychology will be extremely uncomfortable, and the outbreak of contradictions will be sooner or later.
In the final analysis, many of the contradictions between people are caused by the lack of a sense of boundary. Everyone should have their own bottom line and let the people you interact with know exactly where your boundaries are. Once touched, the other party should be reminded. And when we treat others, we should also understand each other's bottom line, maintain an appropriate distance, and not cross the line. Respecting boundaries is respecting others, and the relationship between people can be well maintained.