01
There is a very important piece of advice in "The Weakness of Human Nature":
"To some extent, young people should look at marriage from a practical perspective."
From the moment you enter the marriage, it means that you have also truly entered life, and in the most realistic married life, you cannot tolerate half unrealistic fantasies, never think simple.
Thinking that getting married is to eat breakfast together, commute to work together, buy rice and cook together to do housework, he is making trouble when you wash dishes, he washes clothes and laughs with you, and from then on he lives a happy and sweet life of carrying water to your garden. On weekends, you loung on the balcony, snuggled in each other's arms, and enjoyed the silence to the fullest.
Young people, before marriage, always imagine married life this way.
In fact, the picture imagined and painted is really beautiful, but it is not to pour cold water on you, even if this romance can be realized, there will be a chicken feather behind it.
What's more, the possibility of this romance being realized is often extremely low, the real situation is that it is too late to eat breakfast, there is no patience to wait for you to go to work, and it shows special impatience and irritability with your broken thoughts.
There is no sharing of housework, only your hard work and busyness, the stinky socks that you can't find in the house, and the various disappointments that await.
So when we get married, we should be for love, after all, it is a lifetime of life, and we always have to walk hand in hand with people who like to move with our hearts. But if you get married, if there is only love, it will also lead to the unhappiness of married life, because
Married life is not as long as there is love, you can complete the content.
Marriage is the most realistic life in the world, which means that chai rice oil and salt, family affairs, personal contacts, old-age care, small expenses, housework, etc. are the norms of life. No matter how unwilling you are, you can't hide from it, and life must go on.
02
In the background, I received a message from a female reader who told her story, and the following is in the first person to tell her own personal experience.
Before getting married, I asked everyone around me: "Boyfriend has no car, no house, no money, or is it okay to marry far away?" ”
In fact, I have the answer in my own heart, and I have decided to marry,
Just want to hear the support of a certain person to affirm their decision.
At that time, I was already obsessed, I just wanted to hear the answer I wanted to hear, and anyone who opposed it, no matter what the reason for the objection, could not listen to it at all.
The truth is, there was no one around to support her decision, including my parents, and my mother only said one word to me at that time:
"Daughter, marriage is life, not love."
I think I understand that it is nothing more than life, but it does not conflict with love.
In the end, my parents couldn't do it, so they got married, but what was waiting for me in front of me was obviously not happiness, from the moment I entered the marriage, love has become more and more distant from me, because when survival is a problem, including myself, I don't have the leisure to talk about love.
The next married life, because there is no material basis, love can not be preserved and maintained, soon disappeared, only life.
We are becoming more and more impatient with each other, more and more feel that each other is unreasonable, really living together, all the shortcomings that make ourselves intolerable are exposed, the most serious is,
All the little problems, the little flaws, will be infinitely magnified because there is no money.
A family of old and young, all crowded in a yard, in the years after giving birth to a child, the relationship between the family is also tense to the extreme, because there is no money, there are many things to calculate, plus living together, family life chicken flying dog jump.
Growling, insulting, accusing, questioning, counting, gradually became the norm of life, and everyone was attacking each other every day.
Life is realistic, without money, and if you want to live to continue, you have to completely sacrifice yourself, including not being able to have your own feelings, to give up all your feelings, physical strength, mind, energy.
One day, I finally understood what my mother had said before, marriage is life, not love.
What is life? It is family expenses, it is family triviality, it is family affairs, it is family responsibility. These things became a mountain on my shoulders, and they became heavier because I didn't have money.
The picture painted before marriage has never been realized once, nor has it been what I thought, life will always get better, the truth is that there is no foundation, life will only get more and more difficult.
All my fantasies, all my generosity, all my cuteness, all my tolerance, were almost about to be assimilated by my husband's original family
, become as narrow-minded, selfish, harsh and indifferent as they are. Until my world is firmly tied to the bottom of the well, the scenery at the bottom of the well becomes the world I know, a choice, a fate, a way back.
03
It is not only misfortune, it is simply murder, a kind of murder of one's own personality, self, and spirit. Until I turn myself into a walking corpse, I no longer have half passion and expectation for life, but I just want to finish my life, and when I am finished, I will truly be liberated.
Marriage is a real life, romance and passion are not its norm, it can only be an occasional snack. The most realistic thing is that this occasional dim sum is also conditional.
If the conditions do not allow, this occasional snack, you can not taste, and then what kind of state? Living in marriage.
Love can not drink enough, although it can meet people's spiritual needs, but when survival is a problem, no one can take care of spiritual needs, this is the icing on the cake in life.
The conditions are not good, do you think it is just eating worse, drinking worse, dressing worse? If only it were that simple.
The real sadness and terrible thing is that it will infinitely enlarge all the problems in marriage, including the problems of human nature, the problems of relationships, the problems of shortcomings, and the problems of life.
Here is not to persuade you to marry a rich man, but before getting married, you must have a correct understanding of marriage, know what marriage is, and objectively assess the ability of two people, whether it is enough to support married life. If you still imagine the brilliance and sparks of married life, you will definitely get a thousand arrows through the heart pain in the end.
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