Parenting Class: 4 things to make children "faceless", how many have you done?

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Went to the kindergarten with her girlfriend to pick up her son Kimi, perhaps because the excitement of the roller skating class was not over, as soon as they met Kimi ran in the yard, there was no intention of stopping, and ran outside the gate without paying attention, looking at the traffic, the girlfriend who had always been calm shouted and chased out.

After catching up, he began to scold Kimi loudly, and Kimi listened to her mother's words without hesitation, and sat on the ground. I exchanged a glance with Kimi and his mother, and understood that the little guy's silent protest was because of "no face". So the two of us exchanged red and white faces, and I gently "persuaded" Kimi to maintain his "face".

Children also want "face"

Some people may ask, "Do children also want face?" "Yes, and the psychology of wanting face is no worse than that of adults." Children's desire for face begins when they have self-awareness at the age of 2.

Parents must have experienced the "terrible two years old", the children at this stage are extremely stubborn, everything must be according to their own ideas, which has the "good face" component.

Emory University in the United States once did a study that invited 31 babies between 14 and 24 months old to participate in the experiment.

During the experiment, the researchers introduced the baby to the use of two remote controls with buttons, using different remote controls, the researchers will give different emotional feedback: positive or negative.

Positive emotional feedback: Press the button, smile and say, "Wow! Isn't it great!"

Negative emotional feedback: Press the button of another remote control, frown and say "Oh no! Oops wrong! ”

The results found that the babies pressed the positive button more often when the researchers faced them, and when the researchers turned their backs on them, they would try to press the negative button. This shows that babies over 2 years old have begun to care about the emotional feedback of others, and "to face" has been issued on a scale.

Parents will also let their children "lose face"

Many parents often think that their children do not care about face, on the contrary, experiments have proved that children also have face needs. However, in life, parents often make some behaviors that make children "lose face", there are the following 4 types, see if you have done such actions.

The first: reprimand the child in public

Some parents said: "I also especially want to be a gentle mother, but I can't help but reprimand and yell at my children." As a mother, I have had countless moments when I can't hold my emotions, but as long as I am outside, in public, I will tell myself to "calm down and don't reprimand my children in public." ”

Japanese child educator Kuiichi Kimura said: "It is not correct for parents to talk about their children's faults in public, which is detrimental to their children's self-esteem. ”

Self-esteem can make a person often in a respected position in the family, friends, classmates, teachers, so the sense of pride and superiority that often arises, and then form a stable emotional tendency and personality characteristics.

Parenting Tips: Maintaining children's face is to maintain their self-esteem, so that children can have no worries in front of others and maintain self-confidence.

The second type: parents who love to take advantage

Parents who love to take advantage have a common characteristic: they love to be calculating in everything, they have no temperament in doing things, their eyes are blind, and they look not only poor in heart, but also poor in spirit. In the process of growing up, children will come into contact with people and things in the outside world and form their own values and outlook on life.

If parents can't change the problem of taking advantage of love, the impact on children is great. Not only will the child lose face, but also the words and deeds of the parents will be absorbed into their own words and psychology, and finally become a person who shrinks his hands and feet and has no big pattern.

Parents are the most influential people in the growth of children, although the school's teachers to students to pass on more knowledge, teach them how to establish the correct "three views", but these are not as good as the parents in daily life on the children's subtle influence, commonly known as "words and deeds".

Parenting Tips: If you want your child to have a big picture in the future, parents must pay attention to their daily life behavior.

The third type: a blatant violation of the rules

A few days ago, on the way to work, I met a mother and son, and the mother rode an electric car to carry the child. While everyone else was waiting for the green light, the mother openly ran a red light with her child. Despite hearing the child keep saying "Mommy red light, red light", it still did not stop the woman's behavior.

In fact, in the process of growing up, every child will develop with the development of self-awareness, on the basis of self-esteem, a moral emotion, which is often called "shame". When a parent's behavior is contrary to the child's education, it creates moral condemnation within the child.

Parenting Tips: If parents break the rules more often, shame will cause children to become internally deranged and become a kind of "cheeky".

The fourth: the act of showing off

My 9-year-old nephew told me that I felt particularly humiliated by my mother, so I asked him why and quietly told me: "My mother just showed off in front of my classmates' parents, and I improved in this exam, which made me feel very humiliated." ”

From the perspective of parents, it is a good thing to think that their children's progress is a good thing, and they want to share it with others eagerly, but from the perspective of their children's inner world, as they get older, they will become "introverted" and do not want to show up in public.

Parenting Tips: From another perspective, whether your child is improving or not has no impact on others, but your behavior of showing off and comparing will cause trouble to the child, so parents should be careful in words and deeds.

In the early hours of the morning, mom came to nag:

What kind of person the child will become, 80% comes from the influence of the parents of the original family. Therefore, in life, parents should pay attention to their own behavior, do not let children lose "face" and lose self-esteem because of some actions! If it is serious, it will cause the child to have negative emotions, and it will be very difficult to correct it. When you can't control your behavior, think about whether it will involve the "face" of the child, and the average decent parent will not put himself and the child into "embarrassment".

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