The child will go still to hug, why should the parents try to be satisfied

When a child says he or she is tired of walking

Parents should try to meet his wishes

Mr. Li was very surprised in recent days, and said happily: "The child is really magical, xiaolong has suddenly stopped me from holding since he was five years old, and every morning when he goes to school, he carries his own school bag." To put in the past, a step down the stairs, on all kinds of tricks, let me hold, do not hold it, the child is really grown! ”

Hearing this sentence from my husband, I breathed a long sigh of relief. Although every time I hear other people's children walk on their own, psychology is not a taste, but I always firmly believe that children have their own laws of growth, and what I can do is to respect the child's own laws and do my best to meet his wishes. Unexpectedly, this day came quietly.

Looking back at Xiaolong's walking time in the past four years, there is really a feeling that saying too much is tears. Especially before the age of three, when I was really tired of becoming a dog. Xiaolong will go away at the age of one, and during the time when he first learned to walk, he jumped and jumped every day, running back and forth, as if tireless, even if I was worried about being tired and took the initiative to say that I wanted to hold him for a while, he would refuse my help and run on his own.

I remember that summer, when my husband and I took him to Beihai Park to climb the White Tower, he insisted on climbing up by himself, pouting his ass, lying on the stairs with both hands, and climbing up step by step. Following behind him, looking at his little figure, I was so distressed, but I knew he was trying to prove himself, so I had to let him climb.

However, that easy time soon passed. After Xiaolong was about one and a half years old, every time he went out, he had to hold me, and I couldn't survive every time he cried and begged for a hug. So, even if I'm sweating, I'll do my best to satisfy his hugs. I remember once holding him on the sidewalk, my father carried something behind me, and an old lady saw this scene and couldn't help but say: "You see this child, dad looks tall and big, mom is so thin, don't let dad hold, you have to let mom hug." ”

Hearing my aunt's words, my tears almost slid out of my eyes. This is the helplessness of being a mother, the child does not care whether you are short or weak, and if you want your mother to hold it, you want your mother to hold it. The most helpless thing is that you try your best to meet your child's wishes, but you can't get the approval of your family, and you feel that this is your habitual problem.

Once, my family often said that this is my habitual fault, the child himself will go, but also hug, to see which child, never let the mother hold.

Sometimes, when I am too tired to hear my family's words, I am angry and spread in my chest, and I really want to yell at my child's two voices: "I can walk, and let my mother hold me, you want to exhaust your mother!" ”

However, every time I saw his innocent eyes, and thought that he must have his own reasons for hugging, I calmed down again and did my best to hold him. Moreover, the child can actually hold for a few years, and when he grows up, you want to hold him, and he still feels embarrassed. Just comfort yourself to hug it!

Of course, when I can't really hold him, I will also find a way to let myself idle. The most common thing to do is to use the time of walking to play games with him. For example, stepping on the shadow, we step on each other's shadow; driving the train, he goes ahead, I pull his clothes to follow; set a goal, let him run to the intersection in front of him or the little tree, and the mother will hold him and let the mother rest first. In the process of bouncing, did he forget the unpleasantness, and also forgot the tiredness, and walked happily. I was relieved to finally liberate myself. This persisted until the age of two and a half.

At about two and a half years old, Xiaolong learned to ride a scooter. Since then, every time I go out, I've carried a scooter, he's riding in front and I'm running in the back. Although running with him is also very tired, but it is much better than holding him, and the cold winter has finally ushered in spring.

When he was almost three years old, Xiaolong suddenly changed his normal state, and every time he went out, he no longer asked his mother to hug him, but directly threw himself into his father's arms, asking him to hold him, or sitting on his father's shoulder. At that moment, I was greatly relieved that the child finally understood the pain of his mother. In fact, the child only completes the separation from the mother, and the next step is to try to complete the separation from the father.

Since then, every time Dad is present, he must be held by Dad. Dad wasn't there, so he went on his own. The most interesting thing is that he must be hugged by his father, even if he says that he will let his mother hold it for a while, he is not willing. This also made the father distressed for a long time, thinking that the son always deliberately embarrassed Lao Tzu, even if the tall and tall man, holding the child for a distance, it was also tired and breathless, after all, the child is also nearly thirty pounds of weight, not a few pounds of a few things. So, every time my husband couldn't hold on or complained, I always encouraged him to say, "If he wants you to hug, you hug!" The first three years were so tired, I insisted on it! So, Dad also tried to satisfy him most of the time.

However, Dad also gained some experience from xiaolong before he was three years old. For example, when you really can't hold it, you play a little detective game with the little dragon, a game to see who comes to the door first, a little knocker, and other games, and let yourself relax for a while through the game.

Two years passed in the blink of an eye, and I didn't expect that Dad had also waited for the arrival of spring. Children no longer have to ask for hugs like before, and most of the time they run on their own.

Every time I saw the little dragon running in front of him with his school bag, I began to slowly clear my mind. In fact, the child can obviously walk, but still ask the mother to hug this behavior is how normal, but most of the time we parents stand in their own tired position to judge the child, think that the child is lazy, unreasonable to make trouble.

In fact, the behavior of the child will go and still have to hug is not what we think is lazy. The child's behavior needs to be understood from two aspects, on the one hand, it is physiological needs, as we all know, before the child is 5 years old, his bones are not fully developed, and many times after walking for a long time, he will feel the leg soreness. Based on their own cognition and feelings, children will instinctively refuse to walk and turn to their parents for hugs.

Maybe many times the parents will ask, then why does he walk so happily when he just learned to walk. It is not difficult to understand that when the child steps out of his mother's arms and steps on the earth, he is full of curiosity about the world and eager to explore everything in this world. So, he didn't get tired at all.

Moreover, the child's one-and-a-half-year-old self-awareness begins to develop, aware of the existence of "me", and then slowly realizes "my feelings". Therefore, when the child feels tired, it fully shows that he has a feeling of "tiredness". Parents should affirm the child's feelings, not deny the child's feelings.

In life, I often hear the older generation say: "Children are tired." "In fact, it is not a good thing for children not to know that they are tired, and they never know how to rest if they do not know how to be tired. Therefore, when the child says that he is tired of walking, the parents should try to meet his wishes.

On the other hand are psychological needs. For children, hugging is equal to caring. In other words, children determine their parents' love for themselves by asking for hugs. When he is completely certain that his parents love him, he gains enough security to truly move toward independence.

According to one study, 70% of children are enthusiastic about parental hugs. 30% of children feel the need for their parents' arms throughout their lifetime. In addition to feeling tired, when the child feels insecure while exploring the outside world, he will gain a sense of security by asking for hugs, and when he feels safe, he will continue to set off.

In general, children mainly complete separation anxiety with their mother before the age of three. Like a little dragon, at the age of three, he stopped asking me for a hug and turned to his father. Seemingly for no reason, in essence, after completing separation anxiety with your mother, you must be ready to complete separation with your father. To complete the separation, it is necessary to confirm that the father loves himself by feeling the warmth of his father's embrace.

Generally speaking, 3-6 years old is an important period for sons to complete their separation from their fathers. It is through this sense of security and separation that the child identifies with the father, or takes the father as an example to form a personality independence, thus entering the same-sex world.

Love is personality independence, emotional dependence. So, let's not rush to push the child out of our arms, first let him get enough security, and then move towards true independence. Of course, parents can not always hold the child, even when the child himself wants to go down to the ground to walk, the parents also hold the child tightly, do not let the child walk independently, that will destroy the child's personality development, thus forming dependence.

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