Last time we introduced the social patterns of normal children of different ages.
Some parents may find that their children have been "unfortunately shot".
It is true that the social skills are not very good, what should I do?
Parents don't have to be too anxious, starting from this issue, we will introduce you to the social strategies of children of different ages, help children improve their social skills, and gain friendships!
This issue introduces the first stage: social strategy guidance for children in kindergarten (3 to 6 years old).
First, let's review the social characteristics of children during this period:
At this time, children do not have a clear concept of friendship, the definition of friends is usually a one-way self-starting, and the "good friends" in their hearts are often people who can play together and help themselves.
However, some children may be reluctant to play with others, or are prone to conflicts in the process of playing together, resulting in the suspension of the game or even their own isolation.
The social strategy guidance for this period is as follows.
01 Played by an adult as a friend
Some children are reluctant to play with children of the same age, but they may be very clingy to adults, such as their parents or other guardians.
Adults can then play a peer role and teach children how to play social games (that is, games that require interaction with other children).
It's like an actor learning how to act, and children with less social skills can learn how to join peer interactions.
Adults need to reduce their interaction and language levels, trying to imitate their children's companions – this is to make children understand that we are friends of equal status, and no one is in control.
This "big friend" should observe the children of the same age playing together, pay attention to the name of the game, the props used, the rules of the game and what the children often say, use the "child's language", and give guidance and encouragement to the child when facing various social situations.
You can also explain your thoughts while interacting with your child while making movements – helping your child pay attention to listening to others.
Adults can demonstrate social signals such as frowning to signify dislike when taking medicine, or laughing to express joy and liking when they receive a gift from someone else.
But we can't expect too much, hoping that they will understand what the other person is thinking just by observing the atmosphere or other people's expressions and gestures.
In general, adults play a friendly friend.
But sometimes, adults also need to demonstrate some unfriendly behavior, such as playing a little bully, naughty ghost and so on.
This can then be used to tell the child what is appropriate and inappropriate to respond to, so that he can learn to distinguish and imitate the appropriate response.
02 Learn to help each other
To encourage children to help others, adults can deliberately make mistakes or pretend not to solve a problem, and then turn to the child for help – in which case the adult should tell the child that it is wise and friendly to ask others for help when they encounter a problem.
Note that in this process, the adult must make himself behave like the child, otherwise the child will feel disappointed or angry when he finds that his ability is significantly inferior to that of his playmate.
In addition, adults also need to show their children that it doesn't matter if they make a mistake.
03 Rehearsal with other children
When the child and the "big friend" have done enough interactive exercises, it is time to "rehearse" with other children.
You can let older brothers and sisters or more mature classmates in the class take on this "friend" role.
This gives children more opportunities to practice before entering an unpredictable, real-world social environment.
04 Videotape the scene of playing together
Videotap your child's social processes and then have your child watch it repeatedly.
These "social documentaries" can help children understand some social signals, social reactions, sequence of activities, peer behavior, and the performance of their role as "friends".
Parents can also pause in some images that contain special social signals to help them distinguish friendly behaviors and learn the correct behaviors.
05 Role-playing games
Generally, children at this stage often do role-playing games based on the stories and characters in storybooks or TV series and cartoons.
This process can cultivate children's interactivity and creativity.
But less socialized children like autism tend to do it alone when it comes to role-playing, or based entirely on the original story, without allowing any changes, and they can even perform the same content repeatedly for hours.
Therefore, parents can encourage such children to use their imagination when playing roles, make the game more flexible, and help them understand that if things do not develop in line with their original imagination, it does not mean that it is wrong.
06 Encourage child-friendly performance
When interacting with your child, be sure to give timely feedback on their appropriate behavior.
Tell them anytime, anywhere: You're doing the right thing!
For example:
"I saw that when Mingming fell, you took the initiative to ask him if he was okay, which is a friendly performance of caring for others, you are great!" 」
"Today, The flower's hair rope is missing, you helped her find it, right?" This act is to help, and you are doing a great job! ”
07 Social Stories
Here's an educational approach developed by Carol Gray in 1991:
A social story is a well-established approach and format that describes a situation, skill, or concept through relevant social signals, perspectives, and common reactions to help share the right knowledge of social and emotional aspects.
Simply put, social storytelling is a way to document social knowledge and social success stories.
Example of a social story (Image source Zhihu @ Hear TobiiDynavox)
When writing a social story, there are some principles to note:
Work with your child and pay attention to your child's perspective and abilities;
Use basic sentence patterns such as descriptive, point-of-view, indicative, affirmative, or add cooperative or control sentences according to your child's needs;
Social stories should describe and reinforce what your child already has in a good situation, not behaviors that your child doesn't understand or fail.
You can print a few more copies of these stories with you, and once you encounter a situation related to the content of a social story, you can always take it out and read it.
08 Social Signal Games
Parents can also use social stories for social signal training.
Here's an example to understand what social signal training is:
In the classroom, when the teacher makes a "cough" sound similar to clearing the throat, the average child knows that this may be a warning signal, and then inevitably observes the teacher's expression - like a road sign telling the driver that there is a signal in front of him, and then the driver will pay attention to the color of the signal.
If the teacher is smiling, this is a "green light" signal that you can continue to do what you are doing:
If the teacher is frowning and staring at a classmate, this is a "yellow light" signal, which means that you must be careful, and it is best to stop and observe first:
If the teacher is staring at you with an angry expression, this is a "red light" signal, clearly and unambiguously telling you that you must stop what you are doing immediately, otherwise the consequences will be serious.
Children with poor social skills may only interpret the teacher's "cough" as having too dry a throat and needing to drink water or eat a throat lozenge.
This requires social signal training – explaining to the child the message that the "cough" represents, as well as the expressions that may appear later, and practicing how to respond to specific situations.
If children are confused about the meaning of social signals, encourage them to raise their own doubts, "I don't quite understand" "Am I doing something wrong?" ”。
Finally, let's summarize the social strategies of children in kindergarten (3 to 6 years old):
Adults play as children's friends
Let your child learn to help each other
Social "rehearsal" with other children
Encourage your child to watch videos that interact with other children's games
Play role-playing games with kids
Encourage child-friendly performance
Writing social stories helps children understand specific social situations
Social signal training using social stories
Have you learned?
If you learn it, try it with your own baby