Text/Themi Mama (original article, welcome to share and forward personally)
Hello everyone, I'm Themi's mother~
I want to ask you: Does your daughter like to cling to her father or her mother?
Now many families with daughters have been extremely pampered since the birth of their daughters. Especially bao fathers, although the appearance is rough, but in the treatment of their daughters, they often do the opposite, rough appearance is extremely delicate, absolutely unlimited preference and pampering for their daughters.
And in the process of raising our daughters, we will also find that many girls like to stick to their fathers, in fact, this in itself is not harmful, but if it is over-reliant, many parents may inevitably have some worries.
The 01.5-year-old daughter competes with her mother for favors and jealousy, and her mother is helpless and worried
Xiaoli has a 5-year-old daughter named Duoduo, from the age of 3 like to stick to her father, as long as her father accompanies Duoduo, Duoduo is particularly happy and active, on the contrary, she will use crying to vent her dissatisfaction.
It is very normal for her daughter to like to stick to her father, and Xiaoli is also happy to be leisurely, and the heavy responsibility of taking care of her daughter is fully entrusted to her husband.
But with the growth of Duoduo, Xiaoli feels that the child is a little over-dependent on her father, and usually as long as there is something, Duoduo will hide in her father's arms.
Even, Duo Duo began to eat her mother's vinegar, and she would compete with her mother for favors.
For example, sometimes Xiaoli and her husband sit on the sofa watching TV, and Duo Duo will come over and angrily push her mother away and sit in the middle by herself.
After coming and going, Xiaoli was very worried that if she continued to develop like this, her daughter would not have any psychological problems.
02. Why daughters like to stick to their fathers is not as simple as "little lovers in past lives"
We often use "daughter is daddy's little lover in a past life" to describe the relationship between father and daughter.
From this sentence, it can also be seen that there seems to be a magical bond between father and daughter. So the daughter likes to stick to her father, is it also because of this layer of reasons?
In fact, according to psychological research, daughters will be particularly dependent on their fathers from the age of 3, and even jealousy and competition with their mothers.
And the reason why this phenomenon occurs is not because it is a simple "little lover in the past life", after all, this is a folk saying, and the real reason behind it, we must read it.
Daughters like to cling to their fathers, which is a sign of insecurity
As we all know, girls have more delicate minds, more emotional needs, and often in the process of growing up, they need more security than boys.
In the process of growing up, they will find that the father is more tall and burly, and has more say in the decision-making of the event, in simple words, that is, in the eyes of the girl: "the father is more able to protect himself."
As a result, when a girl is close to her father, she will get an unlimited sense of security, so that she feels safe and can relax with her father.
As a result, daughters tend to rely more on their fathers.
Daughters like to cling to their fathers, determined by dependencies
In the book "Raising a Secure Child", it is clearly mentioned that children will become dependent on their parents during their growth.
You may be curious, but logically speaking, whether it is a boy or a girl, their first caregiver role must be mother.
But we seem to have overlooked the fact that for families with daughters, the number of appearances and presence of fathers seems to have a stronger impact on children.
This is mainly because the father's preference and pampering for his daughter is more than his son, and he is more careful and patient in the nursing process.
Therefore, over time, in the establishment of the concept of daughters, although the father is tall, he is always responsive to his own needs and extremely pampered, while the mother, although she looks gentle, often plays the role of a strict mother.
In this way, the daughter naturally prefers to rely on her father more, and she prefers to stick to her father.
Daughters like to cling to their fathers, which is an exploration of gender consciousness
Everyone knows that for children, their desire to explore the outside world has never stopped.
From about the age of three, children gradually become gender conscious, they realize that they may be different from others, and gradually understand the concepts of boys and girls.
Therefore, girls like to cling to their fathers, in a way, it is the result of this exploration, they are clear about their differences with their fathers, so that they will begin to like to be close to their fathers because of curiosity and the catalysis of gender awareness.
In the theory of psychological development, psychologist Freud called this stage the "Oedipus period", and the typical feature of this period is that boys will be closer to their mothers, while daughters will prefer to be closer to their fathers.
03. So what should a daughter do if she is overly dependent on her father?
Once anything is excessive, it will be unbalanced, and in the process of raising children, the functions and responsibilities that both parents should have should be reciprocal.
So, what do we do about our daughter's over-dependence on her father?
First of all, the role of parents in raising their daughters should be clarified.
Role positioning is crucial, and the key to positioning lies in the difference in gender, we should gradually instill in our children the concept of different men and women when we are young.
In the process of growing up, some problems and things about the privacy of the daughter should be solved and handled by the mother, such as dressing, bathing and other things, and the mother should be involved, not the father.
Only in this way will girls grow up to understand that although dad can love me very much, this kind of love has boundaries, not without scruples.
Second, mothers should bring more security to their children.
The lack of mothers in parenting will transfer the child's need for security to the father, so in the face of this situation, as a mother, you should reflect on whether you have given your child a bad experience in the process of raising her daughter.
For example, if you are grumpy, or have scolded a child, if so, you should try to stitch up this parent-child relationship as much as possible.
In addition, don't bring your own negative emotions to your children anymore, but respond positively when facing your children and spend more time with your children.
Because, in the process of a child's growth, father's love and maternal love are indispensable, and only when fathers and mothers spend time and energy with their children can they make children grow better.
Finally, I would like to ask you, is this also the case in your family? Welcome to leave a message to discuss.