Freedom and respect, with rules and bottom lines, have never contradicted each other.
In life, it is often seen that parents and children bargain at the scene:
Obviously, it is agreed that the game can only be played for 20 minutes, and after the time, the child will play for 20 minutes:
"I'll play for another 20 minutes", the child began to play;
"No, didn't you say yes before?"
"No, I'm going to play!" The child began to shout, sprinkling;
"Up to 5 minutes." The mother can't stand the look of the child when she sees it;
"Just 20 minutes, I don't care!" The child can't stand the mother when he sees it, and his attitude becomes stronger and harder;
"Well, there's really nothing you can do about it!" In the end, the child wins.
Such parents have a "tofu heart": their hearts are too "soft", they can't bear to let their children feel sad and disappointed, and it is easy to compromise with their children.
The child is actually very smart, in the parents' compromise again and again, he will understand that his tears, crying turned out to be the most powerful weapon, can make parents follow his ideas.
Therefore, every time he wants to achieve his goal, he will repeat the same trick until his parents are soft and compromised.
Children do not know where the boundaries of their behavior are, so they only think about doing everything according to their own nature, and lack the constraints of established rules.
01
How important is a sense of rules to a child's development?
A sense of regularity helps children explore and discover.
A sense of rules helps children define the boundaries of their behavior and grasp the scales.
A sense of rules provides safety for children.
Help children establish a sense of rules from an early age, and children will avoid some unnecessary wrong behaviors in the process of growing up, and some even regrets for life.
02
To educate children, parents must have principles and cannot "tofu heart".
2-6 years old, is the key period for children to establish a sense of rules, at this stage of children, gradually from home to school, contact with more external environment, began the initial socialization process.
Gradually, they begin to know what actions can and cannot be done.
When children are young, they can only rely on their parents to judge right and wrong and distinguish between right and wrong, but because our children, while being established rules, are constantly trying to break the rules: they try to test the bottom line of their parents with crying, spilling, procrastination, etc.
Therefore, it is particularly important for parents to have principles and stick to the bottom line.
The less principled the parents are, the more difficult it will eventually be for their children to manage.
Former US President Barack Obama's family loves children while also paying great attention to rules education.
Obama allowed his daughters to have iPads, cameras, and computers, but not to take their phones to school in violation of school rules;
Even in the White House, they had to make their own beds and set their alarms.
Obama believes that setting clear and consistent rules can cultivate children's sense of responsibility and ability to distinguish between right and wrong.
How do you build a sense of rules for your child? The focus is on the following three points:
Under the premise of reaching consensus with children, formulate clear, simple and effective rules and reward and punishment methods;
Patiently explain the rules with your child;
Rewards and punishments should not be delayed or arbitrarily canceled, and once the child is told that it is not ok, it must be insisted.
I love you, but I will never indulge you.
END
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