Intensive reading mother: High-quality "managing children" is to know how to manage it boldly when it is managed, and it is indispensable. When it is time to let go, even if you are no longer willing to feel uncomfortable in your heart, you must endure not to reach out.
Author: Orange Red (Parents Intensive Reading Author)
Mr. Lu Xun said: "The world of children is completely different from that of adults, if they do not understand first and blindly do something barbaric, they will greatly hinder the development of children." ”
On closer examination, it is true.
The words and deeds of parents determine the height of their children.
Because the family is not only the sojourn of the child's body, but also the place of refuge of the soul.
Some parents and children are close at hand, and the children's hearts have nowhere to rest.
Some parents and children are intimate and harmonious, and the children's hearts are free to stretch.
The family can be a haven for children's happiness, or it may be the place where children are hurt the most, all depending on the parents.
What kind of parents are the easiest to raise happy children?
Be a sincere parent, not arrogant
Shakespeare said, "Honesty moves people the most." ”
The interaction between people and people is nothing more than the word sincerity, and only sincerity can we harvest sincerity and gain trust.
Why don't parents treat their children like this?
Chen Jingrun, a famous mathematician, does his son want to become a mathematician?
Chen Jingrun initially thought the same thing, wanting his son Chen Youwei to be a mathematician.
He focused on developing his children's mathematical skills, but his son did not like mathematics.
Chen Jingrun was disappointed at first, but looking at the child's resistance and sadness, he did not force it.
He respects his son's interests and hobbies, not only does not interfere, but is very supportive. He turned his son into a friend, and he was willing to tell him everything, and sometimes asked him for advice.
Later, when his son went to high school in liberal arts, he also felt very good and did not feel that he had lost his face.
Miraculously, Chen Youwei gradually discovered the charm of mathematics, conducted mathematical research, and obtained a master's degree in the Department of Mathematics.
After graduation, he chose business again. He has always been full of enthusiasm for exploring the world, inseparable from the understanding and support of his parents.
Parents sincerely think for their children and will not blindly think only from the perspective of adults. If you blindly hold the idea of "good for the child" and blindly do it, the child may not appreciate it.
I saw a news story:
A pair of 15-year-old twin sisters poisoned their parents with rat poison because they felt that their parents were too strict.
The first time the sisters poisoned in the meal, they were very panicked, and the dose was not too large.
The parents who escaped death did not know it. In the hospital, and especially cherish the family affection, they chatted warmly with the sisters.
For the first time, the sisters felt that their parents, who were high above, had given themselves a desire to be close.
I wanted to take a little more medicine and let my parents stay in the hospital longer.
And so the tragedy happened.
Obviously it is love, but it has evolved into hate. The arrogance of parents and the humble self-pity of children are the driving force of this tragedy.
As parents, we must learn to crouch down and see the unique soul of our children. With sincerity, give the child the love that he really needs.
Be a sensible parent, but love does not cross the line
German Hellinger said: "A good family must have a sense of boundaries. ”
The writer Liu Yong is wise, and he is very good at maintaining a sense of boundaries with children.
When his son was adolescence, he took the initiative to install a latch in his son's room, allowing the child to have an independent space and maintaining the child's privacy and dignity.
The daughter wears a crop top, and the father is really unaccustomed. But he did not impose interference, but reminded the child that wearing clothes like this hurts the body.
Some people question, no matter what the child, can he have a job?
The truth is: His son went to Harvard and his daughter went to Wharton, both of which were academically successful and enviable.
High-quality "managing children" is to know how to manage boldly when it is managed, and it is indispensable to do so. When it is time to let go, even if you are no longer willing to feel uncomfortable in your heart, you must endure not to reach out.
As psychologist Wu Zhihong said: "Many Chinese-style families are often symbiotic relationships, with a blurred sense of boundaries, I have you, you have me, and fall into a dead cycle." ”
If the child is allowed to follow his own life path, parents should be more interesting, do not go beyond the boundaries in the name of love, and interfere with the child.
Xu Xiaoping, one of the founders of New Oriental, signed up for a cooking class when his son was twelve or thirteen years old.
He was shocked, but he suppressed the objections in his heart and persuaded himself to accompany his child to register.
Later, his son became obsessed with hip-hop again, and he was even more surprised, but he still resisted.
Later, his son told him that he did not want to go to college and would tour with the street dance team.
As a father, he almost broke down when he heard the news, but he still suppressed his anger and replied: "Good! ”
Without bitter persuasion and without harsh rebuke, he deliberately accompanied his children to visit some universities, so that children could feel the feelings in the street dance team and the university campus, and then make a decision.
My son later chose to go to college and dance street dance at the same time, and it turned out that beautiful things could coexist, even if at first we thought they were incompatible.
Long Yingtai said in "Eye Sending": "There are some things that can only be done by one person. Some levels can only be passed by one person. Some roads can only be walked by one person. ”
Parents can't accompany their children for a lifetime, they must always learn to let go, let the children do their own things, break through their own barriers, and take their own roads.
Be an introspective parent and precipitate yourself first
There is a saying that goes: "Parents are a mirror of the child, and the child is the shadow of the parent." ”
Deeply.
Parents are the best learning model for children. The first person a child wants to imitate the most must be the parent.
The parents are doing it right, and the child has a scale in his heart.
Mr. Wen Yiduo, who is known as a "democracy fighter", was once questioned by his son as "undemocratic".
That time, he was busy drafting a statement, and the children in the family were noisy, and he was distraught and hit his young daughter twice.
The son heard the sound of the eagle, felt sorry for his sister, and said bluntly that his father "does not talk about democracy at home"! As soon as the words fell, he felt his impulse, very nervous, worried that his father would lose his temper.
Mr. Wen Yiduo was silent for a while, realizing his mistake, and he put his arms around his little daughter and comforted her.
Since then, he has often reminded himself that he rarely hits children.
Parents see themselves in their children's eyes. Educating children is actually improving themselves.
The public enemy of some children is "someone else's child.". The ideal parents of some children are actually in other people's homes.
Parents always take it for granted that they accuse their children; children are dissatisfied with their parents, but they are rarely justified.
How many points can parents score on the failing test paper that the child takes home?
The great literary scholar Hu Shi also scolded the child: "Your grades have eight 4s, which is the worst result, don't you feel ashamed?" ”
He is also the parent of Jackie Chan, who will also be impatient, will also be angry, always think that the homework should be excellent, the character should be excellent, the person should be the best, is the child with ambition.
Shame does not bring in the child's excellence.
Until he realized that there was a problem with his education method, he began to reflect: "I really don't deserve to be Lao Tzu, I only know how to blame children for bad homework, bad habits, and never make love to them." ”
He no longer scolded the child, but made friends with the child. The child also gradually became confident, made progress in his studies, and successfully entered Cornell University in the United States.
To educate a child is to educate oneself. The process of children's continuous growth is also the process of parents learning to get better.
Education is a tortuous road, on this road, there are no perfect children, there are no perfect parents, only parents and children who are moving towards the ideal.
Tolstoy famously said, "All education, or nine hundred and ninety-nine thousandths of education, comes down to example, to the integrity and perfection of the parents' own lives." ”
The road to educating children is long, arduous, and full of unknowns. But the quickest and easiest path is the power of example.
So, from now on, be a mentor and friend to your children, and know:
The more sincere the parents, the braver and fearlesser the children;
The more interesting the parents, the more independent the child;
The more introspective the parents are, the more self-disciplined the children are.
The encounter between parents and children is destined to be a journey of love and mutual fulfillment.
May the parents and children of the world love each other and achieve each other.
About the author: Orange red, parents intensive reading columnist, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, unauthorized, may not be reproduced, infringement will be investigated
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