After reading the story of the little bun
I know how important the "sense of proportion" of parents is to their children!
01
When it comes to home, many people think of words like "warm", "comfortable", "relaxed"
In people's minds, home should be a haven from the wind, but also a backyard garden of love
However, not every home is warm
There are also many families that always bring harm
The animation film "Bao Bao" produced by Pixar seems to be a family animation full of warmth
However, the emotional truth revealed in it makes us understand
In fact, sometimes, wrong love, excessive love, is more terrifying than "not loving"
The mother in the film, by chance, got a cute "little bun"
Since then, she has regarded this "little bun" as her own child
She loved him, took care of him, and took great care to protect him
However, as the days passed, the little bun slowly grew
It is no longer as cute and obedient as it was when it was a child, and it no longer has to look for its mother for everything
"Little Bun" has his own little secret, and his door is always tightly closed
Occasionally Mom wants to go inside and get a glimpse of what's going on
As soon as the door was opened, it was ruthlessly rejected by the small bun
Finally, one day, the little bun brought back a very beautiful girly girlfriend
He also told his mother that he was going to pack his bags and go to live with the yankees
Mom was sad, and she stopped the "little bun" to prevent it from leaving
However, Xiao Baozi and Yang Yu'er did not care about her obstruction at all, especially Xiao Baozi, who felt that he had grown up and had his own life, and could no longer be with his mother
So the lonely and disappointed mother was angry, and in a hurry, she stuffed the "small bun" into her mouth and ate her own "child"
Parents like the mother of the little bun are actually not in the minority in life
On the one hand, they dedicate themselves wholeheartedly and sacrifice themselves, taking good care of their children
On the other hand, he is dead defending his absolute control over his children, allowing children to gradually lose themselves
The last bit was "eaten" little by little
Such parents do not love their children, but love too much and lose their "sense of proportion"
The child wants to run on his own. They followed behind and said slowly, don't fall
Children want to wash their own clothes, so they grab it and say you just have to study well
When children make good friends, they ask people if they are studying well
What the adults in the family do, once they are not satisfied, they will force the children to alienate each other
All in all, children are like their puppets, completely devoid of any freedom
02
The famous writer Wang Shuo said this in an interview
"I think I have never loved my parents, when I was a child, I was afraid, when I grew up, I was annoyed, and when I was older, I looked down on each other, I could hide and hide, and when I finally understood something, I was left with only poor parents, and I was sad when I thought about it." 」
Indeed, for most Chinese children, their emotions towards their parents change
Especially after the child is older, the parent-child relationship often becomes tense
Why?
In fact, this is the result of the lack of "sense of proportion" in the love of parents
Parents do not respect and accept their children, but only demand and control their children according to their own will
In the end, you can only keep your child farther and farther away from himself
So we often hear some kids say it
"When I grow up, the first thing I do is stay away from my parents."
In the child's mind, when he is young, he is powerless to resist
I can only let my parents manipulate me, so I have accumulated too many grievances and pain in my heart
Once such a child grows up, he is bound to find ways to "retaliate" against his parents
Or stay away from your parents, or fight each other
As parents, we must not only love our children, but also master the "measure" of love.
Only in this way will the relationship between parents and children be harmonious and intimate
So what is a sense of proportion? In fact, there is no unified quantitative standard for the sense of proportion
What must be said is that something that is measured will give people a comfortable and relaxed feeling
Put it in the parent-child relationship
A sense of proportion means that parents should respect their children's choices and rights, give their children a certain amount of freedom, and know how to let go at the right time
03
As a second-born mother, I have always believed in it
Letting children try and make mistakes is a very good way of education, only children have tried, children have made mistakes
Then he can learn a lesson and accumulate experience
Many parents will feel that as a parent, isn't it to protect their children?
If you let the child make mistakes, get hurt
So what's the use of parents?
Yes, children do need the care and guidance of their parents
Especially at an early age, only parents create a safe and healthy environment for them.
Children can grow up, but children are also an independent life and have their own egos
For example, a two-year-old baby, you think he has to eat egg yolks every day
But the baby will not eat one day
It's actually that they're expressing themselves, and I don't want to eat today
Then parents should respect them, or change their cooking style, or change the taste of their children to eat something else
In short, do not force your child to eat egg yolks
I remember when Cowboy was a kid, I once took him to play by the river near his home
As a result, the little guy looked at a rock
Dead or alive is to be taken home
What to do, of course, is to support him
But you have to tell your child to pay attention to safety and not to take stones that cannot be moved, so as not to hurt them
So cowboys will pick up some beautiful little stones every time they go out, but they will not move large stones, and even if they like it, they will restrain themselves
Many times, children are actually very sensible
When adults know how to respect them, they often respect adults in turn, and what adults say will be well considered
Conversely, if parents always distrust their children, always indiscriminately, let their children obey them
Then the child will often talk more and more rebellious
The best way is for children to experience it for themselves, and when they experience it, they understand
They will consciously restrain themselves and change themselves
Know what can and cannot be done
04
Many parents will say, I don't want to let go, but the child is not ready
So when will the child be ready?
6 years old? 8 years old? Still 18 years old?
If the mothers never let go, the children will never be prepared well
Many children in elementary school can already do a lot of things independently
But the mothers still treat them like babies
I've met a mom, less than ten minutes away, who insists on sending her kids to school every day
That's all, they will also take milk to feed their children, and the school bag will never let the child carry it
In fact, there is really no need for this
And for some overly loving mothers, once the children show that they do not need them, they rebel against them
Mothers will get out of control, will do everything to please, morally abduct
Or all sorts of blows, trying to control
Always just don't let the child get out of the "palm of the hand" of this good mother.
However, such love will only deprive children of the opportunity to grow and self-space
Let the child become more and more useless, or lose himself completely
As the writer Long Yingtai said
"All love in the world is for the sake of being together, and only the love of parents for their children is for separation"
Whether the parents admit it or not, whether they want it or not, the child will always grow up and leave the arms of his parents and mothers
There are little secrets of their own, little worlds, lovers, friends, and even their own children that they care about
As parents, we can't accompany our children for a lifetime, all we have to do is to let go in time
Let the child learn to be independent, and a good parent should be a loving parent with a "sense of proportion"
Okay, that's it for today, are you a measured dad/mom?
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