Countless facts have proved that the most failed family education is to have a mother who does everything, plus a father who does not care about anything! The scary thing, however, is that many Chinese families are like this.
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Missing father + anxious mother + out-of-control child
Her cousin's husband is in business and the business is going well, and she is a full-time wife, taking their only son at home.
This is a standard "male outside, female inside" family, the middle class, food and clothing, in the eyes of many people belong to the kind of happiness bubbling.
But I know that their children have broken their hearts in the past few years. Originally, the child was smart and cute from childhood, but the more he grew up, the more disobedient he became, not only did his grades get worse and worse, but his personality became more and more rebellious, arguing with his mother at every turn, and sometimes even threatening to run away from home.
They often asked me for advice on what was wrong. In fact, I know that the root cause is still in their family education.
Mom: My cousin is at home, and the biggest thing is to take the kids. When the mother is always careful, the child's food, clothing, shelter and transportation are all contracted by her alone, never use the child to intervene, afraid that the child will not do well. Therefore, children have developed the habit of clothes to reach out and eat from an early age, and what requirements are often met. Even if the child occasionally has excessive demands and behaviors, the cousin only criticizes a few words on the lips, and it does not take long to start to soften his heart and change the law to compensate the child.
Child: Little child, the more you get used to him, the more he will become more intense, a little unpleasant, play a little temper, and even speak ill to his mother. You do everything, and the more he doesn't do anything, he thinks that you should do everything for him.
Dad: The brother-in-law is a bit macho, he doesn't have much time to go home, and he completely gives up on the education of his children and doesn't care about anything. To put it mildly, the brother-in-law is only a cash machine role for the child, and there is little emotional communication with the child, let alone understanding the child's inner world. Now if you want to manage your children, you can't feel like you can start.
Mom: The absence of a husband causes the wife to put more emotions on the child, but the loneliness and insecurity in life will overwhelm the mother. The mother surrounds the child with a suffocating love, and the child lives more in the world of a mother than in the world of the family.
Child: A child who is trapped in his mother's love has to respond to his mother's emotions, and the child's pressure is also increasing. Some children will listen to their mothers in order to make their mothers happy, and even rely too much on their mothers to become babies that grow up in their mothers' arms, while others will be depressed, irritable, and rebellious.
Dad: When mom and child become a complete closure, dad is even more marginalized in the family. Fathers who can't find a sense of existence will look for a sense of accomplishment outside the family, so that the family is getting farther and farther away...
Such a vicious circle has caused a common phenomenon in many Chinese families:
Failed Chinese families = missing fathers + anxious mothers + out-of-control children
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Dad might as well change it like this:
Care more about your wife
Let the wife feel the emotional support from the husband. Man is an emotional animal, there is no emotion only money, even the most lively and bright girl will wither. A few words of concern, a few intimate little things, let your emotions precipitate like fine wine.
Join the ranks of accompanying and educating children
Father and mother play different roles in front of their children, and one is indispensable.
Fathers with children have many advantages, can give children a lot of correct influence: lead the child to exercise, take the child to do handicrafts, give the child a broader world, a more ambitious mind, and more knowledge. However, in many families, the role of the father is missing, and many fathers push the responsibility of educating their children to their mothers, but they use the excuse of busy work and hide from idleness, which is actually not good. Fathers are lazy for a while, hiding for a while, but they will delay the child's life.
Children who lack the education of their fathers will inevitably have some defects in character, emotion, and will.
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United front with his wife
When educating children, parents must stand on the same side. If the parents' educational concepts are inconsistent, it will not only cause trouble to the child's concept of right and wrong, but also promote the child's arrogance, and the child will feel: Mom and Dad themselves do not know what to do is right, why discipline me?
In addition, the different concepts of education for husband and wife can easily cause contradictions between husband and wife, and the gains outweigh the losses.
Mom also needs to change from these aspects
Care and love your husband more
When your child is older, he will eventually leave, and your husband is the one who will accompany you throughout your life. Any family that puts parent-child relationships before conjugal relationships will not really be harmonious. Between husband and wife, it is necessary to cultivate more feelings, maintain feelings, have a private space for two people to get along, and often have some freshness.
Bring your husband to the front line of children's growth
In fact, on the road of children's growth, many things can be handed over to fathers to do, such as playing with children, writing homework with children, and so on. Educating the child is not a matter for the mother alone, but to bring the father into it and let him participate in more family interactions.
Don't give your child too much anticipation and pressure
Children should have their own space, mothers should also have their own lives, do not put the expectations of life on the child's life, take the child as the only hope of life, so as to give the child too much pressure.
The only way to solve this situation is for the father to return to the family and the mother to adjust the mentality, so that the child will be healthy and happy, and the family will be warm and happy.