The 1905 Film Network documentary "Refining" Love" was released on March 18, and the film truly recorded the concept of marriage and love and the emotional problems faced by five urban single women. In this issue of "Today's Film Review", specially invited psychological counselor Ma Cheng and film critic Wu Yanyu to analyze the personal emotional problems reflected in the film and the common social phenomena seen through.
According to the data, in 2018, the single adult population in the mainland reached 240 million, more than 77 million people lived alone, the number of singles and solitary people climbed, and the "single tide" also became a hot topic in society. "Today's Film Review" incarnated as the "Love Observation Room", taking the single women in the documentary movie "Refining" Love as the object of observation, focusing on the problem of "difficulty in love", why love has become "refining love", why don't we love?
"I'm not saying that boys must have money, but you must work hard for this family, and in the end, when your family needs money, you can take it out..."
"Am I not trying hard enough? Your brother didn't work hard enough? ”
"Why do you think that? I mean boys have to work hard..."
This is the debate between Hongmei and her brother who is also single in the movie "Refining" Love, which is also a clip of Wu Yanyu's deepest feeling and empathy in the film, she said: "Her (Hongmei's) situation is a scene that is particularly easy to encounter when she is in a first-tier city, with a certain work foundation and accumulation, and then there is also a certain sense of independence. ”
In this regard, Ma Cheng analyzed: "Hongmei's love problem is actually in her communication skills, and she can easily enter a state of debate. We often say that the four killers of intimate relationships include "accusation", "contempt", "debate" and "avoidance", when a person has been in a state of debate, whether he wins in the debate field in the end, in fact, he has lost emotionally. Wu Yanyu said: "In fact, I can understand that she can easily enter that state of debate in any scene, and she wants to prove herself too much." ”
If one day, when you no longer need to prove yourself through any words, the anger in your body will disappear, people will become softer, the softness of women's natural bodies, when it is really stimulated, it will be soothed to get along with people. In reality, the "red plums" need to put away the "armor" of the heart and break the original communication mode in order to achieve a relatively comfortable state of interpersonal relations.
Different from the ordinary girl example of Hongmei, Jiaqi is the representative of the rich woman in reality, materially rich, but unable to solve emotional problems. In the film, Jiaqi said: "My requirements are actually not particularly high, just more than 1 meter 8, and then look a little more handsome, and the skin is whiter." "The criteria for choosing a mate are too high, making people feel that this is not choosing an object, but rather like picking a male lead for a certain drama." As for the blind date, when asked what she was looking for, she said: "Follow the fate." ”
Wu Yanyu analyzed: "She said that she needed to fall in love, but her behavior and her heart were not really doing this." When her dad taught her to play golf, she would make some squeamish voices: "You don't say it, I can't play when I say it." Ma Cheng then analyzed: "All her needs have been filled by her original family so far. ”
Falling in love means that she is leaving the family, which is a very frightening thing in her subconscious, and it may also be with such fear that Jiaqi has not really taken a step forward.
If a person wants to get married, he must be relatively separated from his original family, at least he must have a sense of family. The Jiaqi in the film is very representative, a very typical behavior, she will not be able to help but look at the other party's mobile phone. Looking at the behavior of the partner's mobile phone is to control the other party, because in the original family, the relationship between the relatives is very stable, but the partnership relationship is not, so Jiaqi will emphasize that "I want to see your mobile phone, I want to know where you are, I want to know everything about you", which is also a manifestation of her insecurity or inseparable from the original family.
For this case of JiaQi, Ma Cheng gave advice: "There are many people who will amplify the importance of the original family for our current influence, Jiaqi can not do without home and Jiaqi's parents do not want her to leave home, in fact, it is mutual, but any party can change." I hope that the realistic "family qi" can go out of the "protection" of the home and explore the emotional needs of the heart.
As a girl who is "sober alone" in the movie, Tan Jing's protection of herself makes her emotions not too invested, but she also misses the real interesting place of feeling love. In the movie, Tan Jing mentioned that she went sailing with her date once, and when she returned, she said that she fell in love at first sight, but not with the date, but with the voyage at first sight.
Wu Yanyu said: "I think love is a particularly interesting thing, although there is a saying that 'wise people do not talk about love', but love does have its charm, we will abandon our own reason, and then use our emotions to feel these things." Her friend asked her if you had ever had a love, and she said she did, but when her friend said that it was the kind of love that she didn't want to eat and didn't want to eat, and her weight would drop, she realized that I didn't. ”
For the real "tanjing", Ma Cheng gave his own advice: "In love, we should not be afraid of being swallowed up by another person, you must believe that you yourself will not 'disappear', you have so many excellent qualities, that is the unique you." ”
In the movie "Refining" Love, young female audiences are more likely to find their own shadows from it, while male audiences can better understand the thinking mode of girls through the film, hoping that the audience can walk into the theater to feel the unique perspective of this documentary. The film does not have a clear orientation, just like the psychological counseling "say yes", accepting all possibilities, and hoping that this film that truly records the lives of five single women can make the audience diverge their thinking and have their own thinking about life and emotional issues.