"Good parents, there is a zipper on the mouth", the child's 3 bottom lines, parents must not touch

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Decent children know how to cherish themselves better. May we give the child enough face and encourage him to win the life he wants

- Pai Mama

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The author | Bao Ma

Last week, I took my baby to a friend's house to play.

Seeing her 3-year-old son Mumu washing his pants, I couldn't help but boast:

"Your baby is also too sensible, so young she will wash her own clothes."

The friend looked at his son, smiled and said:

"Do you know why I let him wash himself?"

Mu Mu rushed out and anxiously waved his hand to his mother and said, "Mom, don't you want to say it?" ”

A friend quipped, "You know you're shy now, who made you wet the bed when you were so old!" ”

Mu Mu's face turned red at once, and he immediately ran into the bathroom and closed the door, saying that he would not come out.

It wasn't until his mother apologized to him outside the door and promised not to tell anyone else about it that Mu Mu opened the door with red eyes.

Such a young child also knows to face?

Yes, in fact, children have a strong sense of self-esteem from a very young age.

When a child is counted in public by his mother, exposing his shortcomings or privacy, his heart is like being cut by a sharp blade, which may leave an indelible scar.

Someone said, "Good parents, they all have a zipper on their mouths." ”

I strongly agree with that.

1

Don't train the child in front of people

The famous scholar Lü Kun wrote in the "Groaning Language": "The Seven Undelamed Sons of Love":

No responsibility to the crowd, no responsibility for remorse, no responsibility for the night, no responsibility for eating, no responsibility for celebrating, no responsibility for sorrow, no responsibility for illness.

"Do not blame the public", that is, do not train the child in front of people, and do not criticize the child when there are many people.

Children also want face, and publicly reprimanding children is actually showing the ugliness of children.

This aggressive behavior will break the child's last psychological defense line - shame.

In order to maintain their dignity and face, children may resist fiercely, and may be silent and escape.

Either way, it will not achieve the educational purpose of letting the child know that it is wrong, but it will make the child have hostility and rebellious psychology, and even make extreme behavior.

Remember the tragedy of Nakato jumping off a building and falling to his death in the first place?

In Jiangxia No. 1 Middle School in Wuhan, Hubei Province, a 14-year-old boy was playing poker with his classmates in the classroom and was called a parent by the class teacher.

The mother came to the school, was furious, reprimanded her son in the corridor on the fifth floor, and slapped her son twice.

No one expected that after his mother left, the boy stood silent for two minutes, and suddenly climbed up the railing and jumped down...

In the eyes of young and vigorous children, being called parents is already a very humiliating thing, and he must feel extremely embarrassed by being reprimanded and slapped by his mother in public!

Will he become a joke in the mouth of his classmates, and how will he raise his head in school in the future?

A boy in the rebellious period of adolescence, in the face of a critical blow to his self-esteem, chooses the most extreme way to escape the shame and embarrassment of the moment.

The child falls to death, the most painful person is the mother, her heart must be full of self-blame and remorse, we have no intention of blaming again.

It's just that this incident is a wake-up call for us:

Don't scold your child in front of outsiders.

Li Meijin, a parenting expert, has said that it is best to educate children not to have a third person on the scene.

Some mistakes do not have to be solved on the table, and when they are alone with their children, it is not too late to criticize or reason.

Only when the child's self-esteem is protected and respected, he is willing to try to accept the criticism and advice of his parents.

Public abuse is counterproductive and creates more serious problems.

2

Do not promote your child's shortcomings or privacy

Children who are often counted down by their parents are likely to grow up to be extremely negative about themselves, and even find no survival value.

A netizen asked for help on the Internet, always being counted by his mother in front of many people, and painfully wanted to take his life.

No matter how young the child is, he also has self-esteem, and he also needs to save face.

The child is not an appendage of the parents, he is an independent individual.

From the beginning of self-awareness, he gradually developed self-esteem and cared very much about what others, especially his parents, said about him.

Many parents feel that their children can have some privacy, and share their children's troubles as a pleasure, such as:

"He writes like a chicken's claw!"

"He likes a female classmate in the class, and the girls don't like to take care of him haha..."

"Our kids are so stupid, they learn everything slowly, and they can't jump the rope more than five times at a time."

Jokes between adults, children can't understand.

Psychologist Dr. Susan Foward said in Poisoned Parents:

"Children don't distinguish between facts and jokes, they believe what their parents say about themselves and turn them into their own ideas."

Sharing the child's shortcomings or privacy as a joke without the child's consent will hurt the child's self-esteem and self-confidence, and make the child become more and more inferior.

The famous British educator John Locke famously said:

The more parents do not publicize their children's faults, the more the children value their own reputation, and the more careful they will be to maintain praise.

On the contrary, the child's desire to protect his reputation will be weak.

Children who are "ridiculed" and "ridiculed" in public will gradually lose trust in their parents, are unwilling to open their hearts to their parents, and the parent-child relationship will become more and more distant.

3

Don't praise others in a way that belittles children

Some mothers are more modest, and when comparing with other children, they will habitually cover up the advantages of their own children and praise other people's children by belittling their own children.

The neighbor has a mother who is like this, every time we meet, we often praise our children for how sweet, diligent, and how good the calculations are.

Then he said that his girlfriend was lazy and hungry, she couldn't even cook a noodle, her mouth was stupid, and she couldn't shout people.

But in fact, this little girl is not at all as bad as her mother said.

I often see her go downstairs to throw away the garbage, and every time I see me, I will shyly shout "Auntie is good".

And this child's composition is very good, and he has won awards in many essay competitions.

The little girl is estimated to have been "degraded" by her mother for a long time, and she obviously has excellent results and is not very confident.

Moms may want to motivate their children to keep moving forward through this "belittling."

But in the child's view, the mother is denying herself, and she will become more and more inferior.

Although children are young and have strong self-esteem, they are eager to be recognized by others, especially their parents, and they also need encouragement from their parents to protect their sensitive self-esteem.

As parents, we should see the shining points in our children and guide our children to carry them forward.

While praising other people's children, there is no need to belittle your own baby.

Objectively looking at the child's growth is neither over-praised nor deliberately slandered.

4

Save face for your child

It is also to give ourselves decency

The face of a child is his dignity based on the world.

Saving face for children is also giving ourselves dignity.

When my son was four or five years old, I took him to a friend's house, and he and his daughter Lei lei were playing with toys in the living room, and when it was time to eat, my friend told lei lei to put the toys into the toy rack.

Friends say:

"Every time I have to say that she has to clean up, when can I develop the habit of taking the initiative to tidy up, will your son take the initiative to clean up?"

My son looked at me with worried eyes, afraid that I would expose his short child.

I smiled slightly and replied:

"He put it back on his own after playing."

When my son heard this, he smiled a little embarrassed, and on the way back he said to me:

"Thank you, Mom, I'll pack my own toys later."

Since then, he has put the toy back every time he finishes playing with it, and basically never let me interfere again.

I saved his self-esteem in front of people, and he gave back to my tolerance with practical actions.

Not embarrassing children in front of people, maintaining children's self-esteem and face, is a compulsory course for every parent.

Especially before the child is 3 years old, the better the parents do this, the more confident and secure the child is.

In order to maintain the child's face, you can usually ask more about the child's "minefield", know what things the child does not want to be talked about, and record it, paying attention not to "step on the mine".

Take your child's comments seriously, and when attending public events with your child, if you find that certain topics cause discomfort to your child, immediately change the topic.

Once a child's self-esteem is destroyed, it will be difficult to repair.

Hopefully, all parents will realize that their child's face is important.

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