Wen/Ting Mom
Hello everyone! I'm Tingma.
Shenzhen has been taking online classes recently, plus parents are also working from home these days, listening to many parents say that the parent-child relationship is very tense, physically and mentally exhausted.
"Is your homework done?" The first words that many parents say to their children seem to be this one. Are you such a parent in life?
When the child hears this sentence, his heart is crying: "Do you love me or do you love my homework?" "Children can't understand why homework is more important than they are in the minds of their parents.
I have to say, "Is the homework done?" This sentence has affected the feelings of many Chinese parents and children, and this sentence reflects the paleness of parental love and the lack of love ability.
And children are even more unable to understand and cannot agree with this kind of love of their parents, so they use what they think is effective to entangle and confront their parents: they may not be able to sit still, they may be silent, and some children will drag and rub, will talk back to their parents, and even cause trouble outside...
There are also some parents, when they treat their children, it is another way, the same homework, they may say to their children like this: "Baby, the mother is back, the mother misses you so much, do you miss the mother today?" Don't be in such a hurry to write your homework, come and play for a while. ”
And how children will tell their parents, they may say, "Mom, I want to finish my homework and play again." Because the parents understand them, they are more conscious, and the children will work hard because of the "love" of their parents.
In fact, this is very easy to understand, just imagine if we come home from work after a tired day, originally wanted to rest for a while, did not want to do other things, but your husband not only did not care about you, but said: "Why don't you go to cook?" "What would you think?
At this point, I might have two behaviors:
1, the heart is very angry, all dare to be angry and dare not speak, so while cooking while getting angry, this anger will slowly accumulate, when the accumulation to a certain extent, it will erupt in a concentrated manner, at this time the consequences must be very serious.
2, at that time, I was very angry, and I might quarrel with my husband, which would have serious consequences.
In fact, our children are also like this, when they are under pressure, very angry but dare not show it, while doing something, but the heart is unwilling, in fact, it will have certain consequences for the child's emotions, this emotion accumulated to a certain extent, it will erupt.
However, if you put it another way, you may have a different result.
Or the above example, you are tired after work and come home, do not want to cook, want to rest for a while, at this time your husband sees that your state is not very good, very concerned and asks you: "What's wrong, wife?" Tired? Then don't cook, let's go out to eat! ”
At this time, your mood may be completely different, you will feel oh, the husband is really very good, too considerate, the mood suddenly improved, fatigue also seems to disappear, immediately came to the spirit, said: "Or don't go out to eat, I will go to cook right away." ”
When we are understood and cared for, we are willing to make efforts for those who care for and understand ourselves.
Children's performance is often related to the attitude of our parents: children need love, just like plants need water.
When we are full of love for children and let children feel loved, children also have requirements for themselves, they want to reassure their parents; and when children have been living in an environment of "lack of love", or living in the "doting" of their elders, they have no requirements for themselves.
This is why children who lack love or are "spoiled" are more rebellious. And those children who are surrounded by love are more reassuring to their parents.
Plants grow towards light, children grow toward love, give to parents like me, let us all be parents who can "love".
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I am @ Ting Ma Alan, a 10-year-old female bao mom, a national certified nursery teacher, family education lecturer, committed to sharing parenting experience in small stories, welcome to pay attention to me, and accompany the growth of children together.