If something has to change or has to be done, we don't have to waste too much time looking for the "best" way, as long as we're sure our way doesn't make things worse, do it. Because as long as you do it, it will bring about a series of changes.
Some people say that "there must be a war between parents and children, and it is a comedy for a child to win, and a tragedy for a parent to win." ”
We can't be too serious about this, especially the definition of "winning" should not be too specific, for example, it must be specific to a child to do something that the parents do not let the parents, and this thing is definitely harmful, then this sentence may not apply.
And the so-called "win" is often not as simple as we see on the surface.
For example, although the child wins the final victory, the parents seem to lose, but because the parents guide them properly in the process, and the so-called "loss" is only the "retreat" that the parents need to make according to the "battle situation" after achieving the results of the stage victory, then such a result is actually the "winner" of the child and the parents.
So "winning or losing" is often not an absolute.
Of course, many times this sentence will also be used to warn parents about what to pay attention to during their children's adolescence.
In this special stage that most children will go through, if parents are too concerned about "winning or losing" or pursuing their own "victory", it is still quite easy to make the originally simple things very complicated, and often not only can not solve the problem but also create more new problems and new contradictions.
But in reality, it is still difficult to ask parents to compromise, obey, or "respect" their children in a more advanced term.
Because when it comes to many things, especially in the case of grinding out the skin, soft and hard at the same time, it is useless, the parents are on the verge of collapse and you send a bowl of "chicken soup", but also "ignore" the child, blindly accuse and educate the parents of the soul chicken soup, the average person is drinking...
I don't like "chicken soup" very much, and I don't like "boiling" stuff either.
If as a parent you have encountered a lot of problems with your children, but you can't solve the problem no matter how you communicate, you can try this relatively simple method I suggested today - believe in the power of "1".
The "1" here is that we should give the child a little positive guidance, advice or inspiration.
In reality, as parents, it is easy to directly take the worst impact and worst results that these performances and problems can bring about as the "original motivation" that we are eager to change our children because of some of the performances and problems of our children.
Parents cannot be blamed on this problem, because some problems do have a high probability of causing certain bad outcomes to occur.
For example, it is more common for children to learn too procrastinated, not active, not serious, learning without planning, etc., or children love to play games, watch videos, etc., anyway, as long as they do not learn anything.
In this case, as parents, our most common solution is to create "if... Just...".
The purpose is very simple, that is, to make the child realize that if he does not correct it, then his current behavior will lead to what bad things will happen, and the impact of these bad things on his future.
This line of thinking can be extended infinitely, and it is often a topic that most parents can control - in the final analysis, it is just a list of all kinds of misery that can be caused if you do not learn.
It's not that it can't be said, but I recommend saying as little as possible.
Because when children are young, we say too much and have no concept for them, and it is difficult to have such a positive motivation as "I want to learn" in the case of insufficient understanding itself. And children usually begin to rebel when they are older, and the future in their eyes is different from the future in our eyes.
The future that we originally had infinite expectations for was easily portrayed by us as all kinds of bad and tragic appearances, which not only did not stimulate their fighting spirit, but also probably made them lose interest in the future.
The quality of "knowing shame and then being brave" is not something that ordinary people can have, it is really not because we did not "say" the child is painful, but it is likely that we said the child "afraid" and "feared", and eventually led the child to choose to escape...
So instead of motivating children from a negative, negative impact, result, and possible countless "1s", it is better to tell children a "1" from a positive and optimistic point of view.
For example, the same is avoidance of learning.
If we've tried countless times to reason that harm won't help, then we might as well talk to our children from a different perspective.
We can give the child affirmation from some very specific advantages of the child, extract some positive qualities, willpower, etc. from the performance and appearance, and tell the child as a "1".
We can also ask the child what kind of difficulties he feels he has encountered, guide and encourage the child to speak out, the process of saying itself is actually the process of thinking, and as long as the child can think, in fact, he has begun to solve the problem unconsciously - even at the same time he has prepared a lot of "reasons" to deal with the parents' habitual accusations and denials.
But we do not blame, but believe that these difficulties are indeed the key to leading to various problems in children, and then put "problems are always inevitable, but there is no problem that cannot be solved, you can't solve, and we are not?" This "1" idea is passed on to the child.
We don't have to tell our children what the future will be like if they don't learn well, but we can tell him that even if you don't learn well to go to a middle job or go to manual work, it doesn't matter. Then follow this direction to analyze the "ordinary" is not shameful, ordinary work, ordinary life can live extraordinary.
But all this acquisition may not require knowledge, no diploma, but it requires certain qualities of ours, such as kindness, optimism, positivity, perseverance, and so on.
In fact, these things themselves are also very important in learning, but we do not discuss them in learning, but discuss them in life, which will make children more receptive and easier to understand.
The meaning and importance of these qualities will also establish a "1" in the child's learning.
Children love to play games how to say and do not listen, if we find that neither can be quickly cut off the chaos of the ban, the various truths and even soft and hard after the application can not bring about any positive changes, then it is better to solve the same problem from another angle - simply accept the fact that children love to play.
What are we most worried about?
What we are most worried about is that children play games and waste their studies, in fact, what we hope most is that children can spend more time and energy on learning and can make academic progress. In fact, if children can continue to gain self-confidence and recognition in learning, their immunity to games will also increase.
The fundamental reason why most children who play games are affected by learning is not because they play games, but because their sense of experience in learning or in many things around learning is too poor, often they are not only incapable of solving, but also suffer from various denials and awareness of future crises...
How strong is the psychological quality of the child to choose to lose the game to learn in this situation? Most children will definitely choose to plunge into the game and continue to escape.
But what if we take the attitude of "playing games does not necessarily affect learning" as a recognition to tell children such a "1"? This will not only alleviate the behavior that the child has begun to reject before the parents open their mouths, but also allow us to calm down and think about "how to learn well?" "This is a more important thing.
Because we ourselves often trap ourselves in a cycle of negative thinking, what we say and do is based on a "negative" perspective.
But children are children after all, for them, positive is often easier to let them understand, accept than negative, give too many conditional assumptions, even if we say the result is more serious, for many children may not be acceptable, the bigger the more so.
So as long as we do more positive and correct things, although many things can not meet our expectations in a short period of time, this "1" will also bring a lot of new changes, and who dares to say which "1" will not bring the butterfly effect