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As a parent, the love for your children is the greatest selflessness, always selflessly giving and dedicating yourself to doing what you can. In order to take their children's lives and work to the next level, parents always do their best to give. Sometimes even beyond their own ability to do things, parents always spare no effort to do, poor parents in the world.
But as a parent, you must also have certain principles, what can help, what can not help, to distinguish clearly, can not listen to his children say anything. If you help as long as it is the child's request, sometimes it is not to love the child, but to hurt him. Only by letting go can children have the space and motivation to grow.
After retirement, even if you have money, don't help your child, otherwise you are harming him.
1. Do not participate in the family affairs of your children
When children grow up, they are like adult birds, with their own sky, always leaving their parents to build their own nests and have their own homes. When the child has grown up, he must start a family, have his own family, have his own life circle, and have his own career. As parents, it is best not to be too involved in the child's family and keep a certain distance from each other.
There is a good saying: children and parents should preferably be separated by a bowl of hot soup. That is to say, I brought a bowl of chicken soup past, just warm, just enough to drink the temperature. When children grow up, they must have their own time and space, and parents should not be too involved in their family affairs. There is always such friction in the family, parents should not be partial to their children, and help their daughter-in-law or son-in-law in everything, which is the best way to deal with it. It is conducive to the harmony and unity of the family.
2, to have their own nest
After the 55-year-old aunt Chen retired, she has been raising her family at home with her wife. Slowly Aunt Chen felt that life was too boring. Wanting to move to her son's house, who works in Shanghai, she sold her house with enthusiasm. At first, the son and daughter-in-law happily received their arrival. However, after living for a long time, because the living habits of the elderly are different from those of young people, there is slowly some friction between them.
Over time, the relationship between the two sides became very stiff. Aunt Chen regretted selling her house at this time, and now there is no place to go, and she can only accept the feeling of sending people under the fence at her son's home. The parents' home will always be the child's home, but the child's home will always be the child's home. These are two completely different concepts. If possible, it is best for the elderly and young people to live separately, which is more conducive to promoting the harmony of feelings between the two sides
3, do not let your children be the old people
Aunt Huang, a colleague of my mother's, heard that the retirement life of the elderly was very unsatisfactory. Aunt Huang has always been doting on her young son. From childhood to adulthood, her son's requirements were responsive, and she developed the bad habit of her son's good and bad work and no intention of learning. When I grew up, I didn't want to go to work, and I kept nibbling at home. Her son has to pursue brand names in everything, and buy whatever is expensive. I made a large group of fox friends, went to the Internet café to drink and play mahjong gambling, and did some things that were not doing business.
When there is no money, he will find Aunt Huang to take it, and the old man will not give money, and even beat her up. He also forced Aunt Huang to take out the real estate certificate to sell. Force Aunt Huang to give him a few thousand yuan of pocket money every month, and if he doesn't give it, he will beat people. The meager retirement salary that Aunt Huang took was spent on her son. Now Aunt Huang picks up garbage paper skins in the community every day to sell money. "Drowning children are like killing children, loving mothers are many losers", Aunt Huang washed her face with tears every day, regretting that she did not educate her children well.
4, do not hollow out their own old bottom
Uncle Wu took more than 6,000 pensions after retirement, plus he also saved some money after working for decades. But the son and daughter-in-law always spend a lot of money. Every three to five years, I looked for Uncle Wu to take money today to say that I changed the car, the day after tomorrow said that I would buy another parking space, and in a few days I said that my grandson had to pay tens of thousands of yuan in training fees to go to the tutoring class.
Not long after, Uncle Wu's more than one million savings were given to his son and daughter-in-law. Once, Uncle Wu suddenly fainted and fell to the ground, entered the intensive care unit of the ICU, and went to the hospital to see a doctor, but his son could not get a penny. At this time, Uncle Wu regretted it too much, and he should not usually condone children. When the child is older, he should be allowed to take on his responsibilities.
As a parent, you can help your child appropriately, but don't subsidize your child all the time. Since the child has reached adulthood, he must grow up and shoulder the responsibilities that should be shouldered on his shoulders. Parents have retired in old age, it should be time to spend their old age, and stop taking care of children's affairs. Even if the elderly have a pension, they must have a certain amount of savings. After all, no one in life knows when there will be unexpected situations.
As a parent, we must cultivate the sense of responsibility of our children and do not meet the unreasonable requirements of our children without a bottom line. When children encounter real difficulties, they can lend a helping hand, but they cannot be dependent. Exercise your child more so that they understand the responsibilities they should take on. The feeling of licking calves is understandable, but parents cannot overstep their bounds and never let go of their children's growth, even if you have a million family wealth, it will also make the children lose. Children do not know how to cherish gratitude, today's good life is not easy to come by, but it hurts children. Children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren, and the elderly learn to let go appropriately, so that they can live a good old age. #老年人 #
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