I don't know if parents have encountered this situation, the child's grades are very poor or not good enough, the various truths spoken, the importance of learning and even many good ways of learning children also agree and accept, but they always can't do it or can't stick to it for a few days.
Over time, children will become reluctant to listen to the truths and not like to hear the so-called good methods.
If we look closely, we will find that obviously the child also wants to learn well, and we also know that learning well must be worked hard, but the child just can't do it.
In addition, we can often see that there are many parents who say that they do not care about their children's grades or persuade other parents not to pay too much attention to their children's grades, and will talk a lot if parents pay too much attention to the bad impact on their children.
Affected by this, many parents will also try to comfort and encourage their children with words such as "grades are not important" and "the key is to find problems and solve problems".
But the child's performance always seems to be not in accordance with the "script".
For example, we can always see such things happening, saying that a child did not do well in the exam, very nervous after returning home, afraid of being criticized by parents or afraid of parents being sad, in short, it is all kinds of anxiety, but when parents see the results, they do not expect to be angry and disappointed, but comfort the child "It's okay" and give the child all kinds of stress reduction.
In the end, the child is either touched or ashamed to feel that he cannot be sorry for the love of his parents and so on, and then tries harder to learn...
Why is it that this kind of thing can always be seen on the Internet, but the reaction of your own children is not such a reaction?
Obviously, parents also try to do this, but the child not only has no emotional fluctuations, but also has no change in behavior, learning or procrastination, homework is still well written or even not written, even the wrong questions on the test paper do not change, or even if it is changed or continue to be wrong...
Are these children really as calm and calm as they appear, and have really reached the level of being insulted and iron-hearted?
Not in most cases.
In fact, the vast majority of children hope that they can learn very well, at least until they fully accept it, adapt to their own poor learning, or have completely given up learning.
They also know that if they want to learn well, they definitely need to work hard and have some methods that suit themselves, and even many children do not need the help of teachers and parents after reaching the senior grade, they can sort out their various deficiencies and problems clearly, and they can also find very correct and effective solutions.
So why didn't they insist on doing it in the end?
For many children, the biggest problem is still in the "grades".
Whether it is a parent or a teacher, it is actually impossible to fully convince the child that "the grade is not important", the child is not stupid, they can easily find out how we adults are "insincere" through observation.
Because many times the purpose of doing this is to improve the child's academic performance, which is difficult to avoid.
The vast majority of adults who have experienced the storm can not reach the realm, how can we expect children to be able to achieve?
"Grades" is a problem that children must face in the whole process of study, even if the results and rankings are not announced, children can clearly know their learning situation only by daily homework, tests and grades, etc., not to mention that their daily learning and life can not hide from these problems.
The reason is understood but when doing it is another thing, this situation is not a child will encounter, in fact, we adults do not encounter it from time to time every day?
Good grades are very important.
Only with good grades can we improve children's self-confidence in learning, and higher self-confidence will enhance children's self-esteem, when children have stronger self-esteem, they will be more likely to have positive learning motivation, and it will be easier to cultivate the internal drive of learning.
What learning interests, learning attitudes, learning methods, and willpower, etc., if the child can not find self-confidence in grades, then it is difficult for him to obtain these important qualities.
At that point, we really can only talk about "grades don't matter"...
But some parents will be very confused: "Even if you are right, but the child's learning is very poor, can not get good results can not get self-confidence, can not get self-confidence to talk about other meaning?" ”
This is a very real problem, and it is also a problem that must be solved in front of countless parents and students, but please believe that this problem is really not particularly difficult to solve, but the requirements for parents will be slightly more.
First of all, parents should adjust their mentality, in the face of the child's learning situation, they can not first mess up, we show too much impatience, nervousness, irritability and other negative emotions, if the child is still relatively young, then it will lead to them to have stronger inferiority, fear, self-denial and other emotional performance.
If the child is in the upper grade, especially into puberty, it will make the child more irritable and more bored with school, and many parents are not aware of such a problem - some children will also feel guilty, self-blame, they originally want to make changes, but they will eventually choose to give up on change because of the parents' fierce attitude.
So parents first of all can not panic, the more you express "everything always has a cause, as long as you can find the cause, and to solve the cause, the problem can naturally be solved" such a calm attitude, the more confident the child can solve the difficulties they encounter.
And if you can really face the problem with the child with a peaceful attitude, analyze the problem, and find a solution to the problem, the child will most likely be able to listen to it sincerely.
If the child feels that the affirmation of the parents is not enough, then the parents can ask the child's teacher and the person who is more recognized by the child among the relatives and friends to ask them to give the child affirmation.
Then there are two very important things that we must pay attention to:
1, take the initiative to find a place where the child is worth affirming.
For example, "Excellent, your writing is much better than before!" "Great, you've been sitting there studying longer than ever before!" "I feel like your mental state has been very good lately!" "There are a little fewer wrong questions than before, it's not bad, there's obvious progress, and sure enough, the effort is still effective." "The number of unfinished assignments this time is less than the last time, there is progress, and we strive to complete them all later."
All in all, parents should observe their children more, and then find a variety of places that can praise and affirm their children, and must pay attention to comparing with the child's past, not comparing with other people or their own goals, otherwise you may really have an advantage and a performance of progress.
2, other aspects of non-learning should also look for advantages.
Whether it is the child's talent or social aspect or even the ideological and intellectual aspects, as long as it is not the child's "natural" (such as appearance, size, voice, etc.), these aspects that can be obtained without effort or have nothing to do with quality such as effort and persistence can be praised.
When the child is young, it can be appropriate to indicate that since the child can do these things well, then we also believe that he can continue to do better and better in learning. But if the child is older, especially if it is obvious that the mind has matured a lot, do not say it so clearly, the child himself will continue to improve his self-confidence because he is affirmed a lot.
Some parents may encounter the situation that the child does not cooperate or even debunk the parents' routine, and even clearly tell the parents to "don't come to this set", especially adolescent children, it is still easy to have this problem.
At this time, don't feel hurt your self-esteem, faceless, or even think that the child is "dog tooth Lu Dongbin" or something.
Depending on the child's situation, see how humorously you say, "I just see you're good, can't you say?" Or "One is one is one and two is two, we will say that it is insufficient, but we can also see it if we do a good job." "That's it.
In short, to be flexible, it is important to take a way that the child does not reject to release the positive signals.
Children in this period really do not necessarily resent what kind of words, parents need to make accurate judgments according to the actual situation of their children.
On this issue, it is indeed more difficult for outsiders to help.
3. Communicate and cooperate with your child's teacher.
Many times I always say that parents cooperate with teachers more, and rarely say that teachers cooperate with parents, but in some special cases, parents really need the cooperation of teachers.
Especially when the child is slightly older, and the parents want to carry out a role change that is very different from the past, it is normal for the child to have distrust, but if some problems (such as advantages, where the progress) are also affirmed by the teacher, then it will also enhance their sense of trust in us.
And we also need to know the child's performance in school, some children at home and at school are completely different, there are many advantages and disadvantages really have to communicate with the teacher more to know.
Through the above efforts, it is also possible to let the child get a positive sense of efficacy, which can slowly improve the child's self-confidence, and once the child's self-confidence begins to improve, his self-esteem will continue to increase, and he will hope to do better in some aspects.
If you can still communicate with the child normally, it will be much more convenient, if the communication is more difficult, parents should observe more, we must see in time where the child wants to make changes, and then give the child some appropriate affirmations according to the situation.
If necessary, you can also provide some help to the child, for example, it is likely that the child is very difficult and inefficient to teach himself because of the poor foundation, and this time may need to make up for it, and the child may be embarrassed to say or hesitate, and the parents can find the right opportunity to take the initiative.
This can not only make the child feel that he is being concerned, but also let the child feel that the parents really want to help themselves.
What needs to be reminded is that no matter what we do for the child, what to pay, try not to talk about the price, talk about the return, do not complain about how difficult it is not easy for the child to repay, so that the operation will only lead to greater pressure on the child, and even will immediately turn to give up.
The vast majority of "losers" are very sensitive to failing again, and in the process of this challenge, if they are allowed to bear some responsibility and pressure, they are likely to give up, adults are likely to do so, children are more likely to do so.
Don't think our kids are too strong!
The current children's psychological quality is generally relatively poor, we can't take the past experience to put the child, always feel that things are very simple and the reason why the child does not do well is the child's fault.
If as a parent can always think about why it is difficult for children to solve some problems, how can we actively help them, etc., it will be more conducive to the solution of many problems for children, you say?
Therefore, grades are really important, and as a parent, in addition to paying attention to physical and mental health issues that are more important than grades, we should not neglect to have a higher and more comprehensive understanding of "grades" and use them for my use, rather than being led by it.