There are clouds in the Book of Rites and Universities: Those who want to unite their homes must first cultivate their bodies; those who want to cultivate their bodies must first straighten out their hearts.
If you want to run a good family, you must first do a good job in your own cultivation; if you want to do a good job in your own cultivation, you must first correct your own thinking.
Parents are the navigators of the family and have great responsibilities. Especially in families with many children, the ability of parents to join the family is very important.
However, some parents do not know how to cultivate their families and manage the family only on the basis of personal preferences, worldly concepts and profits and losses.
They cannot be impartial and treat their children differently, which eventually leads to their filial piety, brothers and sisters turning against each other, and the family to decay.
There is a saying on the Internet that says:
The root cause of the disputes of families with many children is not the love of brothers and sisters, but the injustice of parents.
Indeed, the relationship between brothers and sisters is largely determined by parents.
Parents are the bonds of brothers and sisters. If they are well-thoughted, well-cultivated, and have strong qi family ability, they will be able to unite their brothers and sisters together, be intimate and harmonious, and not have a grudge against each other.
In fact, not only the relationship between brothers and sisters is determined by parents, but even the relationship between parents and children is determined by parents.
The ancients said: The Father is the Son, the Father is not merciful, and the Son runs away.
The blood relationship between parents and children is innate, but the feelings are nurtured. If the father is not merciful, the son is not filial, and if the parents do not know to be kind to their children, the children do not know filial piety to their parents.
Therefore, as parents, we must overcome emotional selfishness, first correct ourselves and then correct others, first cultivate ourselves and then qi family.
01. Wholeheartedly for the original family
Wen Ya (pseudonym) has not returned to her mother's house for 3 years.
There are many reasons why she did not return to her mother's house, but the most important thing is that her parents' original arrangement did hurt her.
His parents were ordinary small-town residents, had little culture, and had been growing vegetables for a long time. Wen Ya is the eldest daughter in the family, and has a younger sister and two younger brothers.
Among the 4 siblings, she is the most obedient and obedient, and the one that her parents trust the most.
There is a book that reads: Lucky people, the first child is a daughter, can help the kitchen maid, but also can bring big brothers and sisters, parents save a maid money, marry out is another income.
That's the way it is. When I was a child, my parents were busy with my livelihood, and many of the family's affairs fell on Wen Ya.
In order to help with housework with her brother and sister, she not only delayed her studies, but also lost a lot of childhood fun. However, she also learned a lot of life skills and was developed a strong sense of responsibility.
After graduating from junior high school, Wen Ya began to work part-time to earn money.
From the age of 16 until she married at the age of 25, the money she earned from working work was basically used to subsidize the family, help her parents pay off the fines of her two younger brothers, and help the family build a house.
Unlike her hard work to earn money to support her family, her sister, who is two years younger, although she also went out to work after graduating from junior high school, but her life was at ease.
My sister runs around, often changes jobs, and although the money she earns is also handed over to her parents, most of it is spent on herself. Moreover, when my sister was 23 years old, she married away.
Different from her meek personality, her sister is more rebellious, and her parents can't hold back, so they can only repeatedly tell her that marriage can't be like her sister, not receiving a bride price, let alone marrying far away.
Later, she got married, did not marry far away, and received a dowry of 100,000. The dowry of 100,000 was left by the parents as tuition for the two younger brothers, but with some simple items to marry.
02. Divided into 4 suites, 4 sisters and brothers have a share
Husband Ding Hao (pseudonym) is a local in the county town, and Wen Ya met when she was working as a foreman at a restaurant. At that time, Ding Hao was working as a chef in a restaurant.
Ding Hao is an only child, his parents have jobs, and his family is still well off.
After getting married, Wen Ya was still very concerned about her mother's affairs, and often her parents made a phone call, and she ran back to her mother's house. At that time, she was more financially prosperous, and every time she came home, she was a big bag and many gifts.
The New Year red envelopes given to parents every year are even more indispensable; the help of the two younger brothers has never been interrupted. Whether it is the third year getting married, or the fourth old going to college, she has funded a lot of money.
In the "Zhu Zi Family Training", it is said: The family door is harmonious, although the food is not good, there is also Yu Huan.
At that time, although the economic situation of the mother's family was not good, the sister and brother had a very strong feeling, and every spring festival, the second brother returned to his mother's house from other places, and the big family was together, rejoicing and rejoicing, and they were happy and harmonious.
However, to Wen Ya's surprise, the economic conditions of the mother's family have improved, and after dividing 4 suites and part of the cash, the family affection has become indifferent.
At that time, her in-laws' family suffered some changes, and Ding Hao's restaurant also lost a lot of money, and the family's economy became very tight. At this time, the mother's family ushered in good news, divided into 4 suites and 270,000 compensation.
Her parents told her that they had divided 4 suites, and 4 sisters and brothers each had a share.
However, after listening to her parents' arrangements, she was a little cold, and her sister argued with her parents on the spot.
03. Parents' arrangement
That's how parents arranged it. 4 houses, one for each of the two sons, one for the parents, one for rent. A house rented out, in the future two sons will be divided equally, if one of them is not filial piety, it will all be given to the other son.
The set in which the parents live, the two daughters will be divided equally in the future, if one of the daughters is not filial piety, it will be left to the other daughter, and if both daughters are not filial piety, it will be left to the son.
As for the compensation of 270,000 yuan, the fourth elder will get married immediately, give a bride price, and hold a banquet...
The younger sister was very dissatisfied, accusing her parents of favoring the two younger brothers from childhood to adulthood, and never thinking about the two daughters.
The parents were very angry, saying that the daughter who married out of the family would return to her mother's house to divide the family property and leave a house for the sisters to divide equally, which was already interesting enough.
Later, the parents became more and more angry, and wen ya was scolded together. The third and fourth elders and the third daughter-in-law were also present at the time, and although they did not say anything, the expression on their faces already showed everything.
In the end, the family broke up.
When my sister went back, she complained to her: "I don't have to fight for the family property, but my parents' approach is too hurtful, even if it is unfair, I have to take half a house and tie it up with filial piety..."
The sister finally said: "Sister, in these years, no one can be trusted, you will soon find that the in-laws are not a safe haven, reliable only themselves, learn to be smart." ”
Wen Ya has always felt that there are no parents in the world, but her parents' approach this time has really made her have a lot of ideas.
Parents do their best to take care of their children, and when the child grows up, filial piety to parents is a manifestation of love, a virtue, and for her, it is a natural thing.
However, her parents linked a house to filial piety, which made her filial piety taste bad, and the feelings between parents and children seemed to become a transaction.
As my sister said, it was originally a willing thing, but the parents turned it into coercion, or inducement, which was worse than the parents' eccentricity.
04. I haven't been home for 3 years
Later, Wen Ya moved to the provincial capital with her in-laws.
Ding Hao sold the house in the county town and opened a restaurant in the provincial city, and in the following days, the catering industry suffered a "cold winter", and the business has been bad.
In order to save money, she has been helping in the restaurant, and the contact with the mother's family is much less, coupled with the reasons of the environment, the travel is not convenient, she has not returned to her mother's home for 3 years.
She still has contact with her parents and brother, but not as close and unreserved as before.
Ding Hao knew that she was a little embarrassed, and advised her: "You think your parents are selfish and unfair, but from their point of view, their arrangements are most in line with their own interests, and it is not excessive, why should you be grumpy." ”
Wen Ya felt that as a parent, it was wrong to consider only the interests of one party, without regard to the unity of the extended family and the feelings of the other party.
She could never accept the arrangement her parents had made.
The mind is right and then the body is cultivated, and the body is cultivated and then the family is aligned.
Self-cultivation can be a family, and a good family style often comes from the words and deeds of parents. As parents, we must overcome selfishness and promote fair and upright love, so that the family can be harmonious and the family business can prosper.
Do you think Wen Ya's parents arranged it, right?
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