Qiu Yan in "Yan Yu Fu" is a very "avant-garde" girl, she once joked about her "boyfriend" Qin Xuan said: "You men can hug left and right, can't we women step on two boats at once?" ”
These words, even today, I think many people will think that this woman is too frivolous, not to mention in the ancient times of the "three principles and five constants", even if it is just a joke, it is very "deviant" to be able to say such a thing.
In addition, many of Qiu Yan's ideas and concepts were also difficult to tolerate in that era, and some of them were even very unpopular now. But it is her "unpopular" concept of love that makes her unwilling to accept the fateful arrangement and know how to strive for happiness for herself.
Next, let's take a look at her undesirable views of love.
01
"Everyone says that I have killed my husband, and I should have died for him, but I dare to ask Lord Liang, what should a man do to kill his wife?" When a man dies his wife, if he does not rush to continue the string, he is a great filial piety without a queen, and the same thing is very different because of the difference between men and women, but why is a woman as contemptuous as duckweed? ”
This is what Qiu Yan said to Liang Yi after the death of Qiu Yan's new husband He Feng, the He family slandered Qiu Yan Kefu and forced her to be martyred, and Qiu Yan wanted to win the palace examination female official in order to save herself but was stopped by Liang Yi.
At that time, all women were proud of their loyalty to love and observance of their husbands, and if men did not have wives, they should naturally remarry, but if women did not have husbands, no matter how long they were married, no matter what their feelings were, women should be widowed for the rest of their lives, and even in some extreme cases, women were required to be martyred to preserve the honor of women and their families.
Qiu Yan was not satisfied with this kind of different treatment of men and women and said these words, which seemed to be just a criticism of the ignorant customs at that time, and had nothing to do with love. But if you look at our attitude towards men and women in marriage today, it is not difficult to see that it is similar.
In fact, since ancient times, loyalty to love is a commendable thing, the problem is that in this matter, people do not have the same requirements for men and women.
Take our current divorce, many people think that men's divorce is not a big deal, but once a woman divorces, it will depreciate, which leads to many women in marriage even if they are not treated well, but also swallow their anger and accept it, and even some women's parents force their daughters to endure in unfortunate marriages for the sake of face. Men, on the other hand, can justifiably ask their wives for them.
Therefore, this concept of Qiu Yan was not only unpopular in ancient times, but also unpopular in front of some modern people. But her concept is really great, men and women, in love and marriage should be equal, whether it is loyalty to love, or the importance of marriage, men and women should be the same, only in this way, when we enter a marriage because of love, we will be happy.
If there is an unequal attitude and idea from the beginning, then what does marriage and love mean for women?
02
"Aren't feelings that seek to be calculated feelings?" Where is the love between men and women so much water, three hundred and sixty lines of soldiers, farmers, industrialists and merchants, which line does not need to be painstakingly managed and planned? Examinations for the imperial examination, the poetry of the Chinese language, why is there no routine, why is it worthy of being praised for the sake of livelihood and ambition, and when the children are in love, the daughter's family will be like a rabbit, waiting for the gifts of heaven? ”
As a concubine who has not been loved by her mother since birth, Qiu Yan has known how to manage and plan since she was a child, and in her view, this is a necessary effort to survive. When she was slandered by the He family and killed her husband and became a "widow", her life in her mother's family became more difficult, and she was almost sold to the old man as a concubine.
Therefore, when she sensed that Qin Xuan had a good feeling for her, she desperately wanted to seize this life-saving straw, in order to promote her feelings with Qin Xuan, she went to great lengths to create opportunities to meet and get along with Qin Xuan, but she was seen through by Liang Yi, who had a deep heart, and repeatedly obstructed.
Liang Yi reprimanded Qiu Yan for not calculating feelings, but where did he know what this feeling meant to Qiu Yan?
In fact, even now, we don't like the kind of people who are too scheming in the relationship, especially girls, everyone will ask her to be reserved and reserved, but in fact, love will not be generated for no reason, if you do not have the opportunity to let the other party see your good, then it is very likely that you will miss a beautiful marriage.
From this point of view, when we pursue a relationship, appropriate business planning is necessary, and any happiness will not fall out of thin air, and we need to rely on our own efforts to create and strive.
Of course, I'm talking about "proper" business planning. Just like Qiu Yan, you don't have the opportunity to meet, then create the opportunity to meet; if you want to be with him, then let him know your thoughts. Instead of saying, let you disguise yourself, deceive the other party, or even harm the interests of others.
You must know that two people together, is a long time, if you rely on disguise yourself, deceive each other to seek feelings, then a long time, you will inevitably "reveal the original form", at that time, the loss and injury, or yourself. You only need to properly let the other party see your strengths and create opportunities for him to understand the real you, so that the feelings obtained are strong.
03
"You think you're doing him well, but you're actually disappointing him... Between men and women, what you love and what I want is not a burden, he knows my current situation, and his decision does not need me to do it for him. ”
Throughout the whole play, Qiu Yan's view of love has many brilliant places, but my favorite is this sentence.
Why? Because I've seen too much of that self-righteous "for your own good."
The Qiu family was framed, all the female relatives entered the Sect Division, Qin Xuan wrote a letter saying that he would take Qiu Yan away and fly high, Qiu Yan's sister Qiu Min was originally secretly in love with Qin Xuan, at this time she stood up for Qin Xuan, thinking that Qiu Yan should cut off Qin Xuan at the moment of being raided, so as not to affect Qin Xuan.
Qiu Min's idea, whether in works of art or in life, I have seen too much. Just like in "Perfect Companion", Sun Lei gave up the opportunity to further study for Chen Shan's good, and secretly lent her 500,000 yuan to her father-in-law; just like in "Ancient Dust", Bai Jue hid the truth to marry Jing Zhao in order to make Shanggu die.
Between men and women, to the point of talking about love and marriage, they are already people who can be responsible for their own choices, and they should be decided together in the case of mutual honesty, as long as both parties are willing, this is no problem, rather than saying that you are in the name of his good, privately making decisions for him.
When I was younger, I especially liked to watch the kind of scene where one of the men or women got terminally ill, said something hurtful and then left alone in order not to drag the other person down, I thought it was "deep affection". However, after experiencing many things in the world, I learned that the so-called deep love should first respect each other's thoughts and feelings.
Just like Qiu Yan, "My current situation will not hide from him, how to decide to leave it to him to do", if the other party is afraid of being dragged down, naturally you can choose to leave, no one can force him, but if the other party is willing to suffer and share, what a rare love, such a love, how to bear to live up to it?
In fact, a really good relationship should be both to respect each other and to be able to be true to yourself. What we need to do is to treat others with a correct attitude, rather than breaking boundaries and making decisions and choices for each other.
I have always felt that love may be experienced by everyone, but not necessarily everyone can understand it. Just as some people say that love is honey, others say that love is a sword that hurts people. In fact, love is just love, and the result is just man-made.
The premise of harvesting a happy love is that you must have a correct view of love. Just like Qiu Yan, her seemingly "unpopular" view of love is really great.
About the author: Meet and miss, a woman who likes to read and write, focusing on the creation of articles in the emotional field and the analysis and answer of emotional questions, I hope that my words can accompany you warmly forward.