Text | Qianhe
Winter vacation is supposed to be a day for families to reunite,
But my cousin because of the child's education problems,
It hurts my brain.
For example,
On the seventh day of the Lunar New Year,
The cousin was a little angry with her 8-year-old nephew,
The child wiped his tears in grievance,
My cousin was also blue in the face.
Why?
Because
Children are always grinding and rubbing,
Delayed the trip of a large family.
My cousin cried to me emotionally:
"I feel like I'm going to be childish if I don't live to be old.
Waking up in the morning made me bark no less than 10 times,
It took an hour to pack up things and get dressed and go out;
Usually writing homework grinds and rubs,
The number of times you don't arrive late for school is countless,
Teaching him a math problem yesterday almost got me out of my heart attack.
What do you say I should do? ”
Seeing my cousin's look,
I felt as if I had seen my former self.
Parenting,
I believe that everyone has been angry because of the child's procrastination and rubbing problems,
I was born with a sharp temper,
There is no less tantrum with his son.
Think back to every moment of rage,
I can't help but feel bad about myself,
I also feel that I have hurt my child.
Look at the child's aggrieved look,
How can we not be distressed as parents?
But whenever there is a critical moment,
We still can't help but always hate children for being slow.
In fact
Children don't want to be urged by us all the time.
Until one day,
I see kids learning how to tie their shoelaces,
I cried out in a hurry.
Only then did I suddenly understand,
We want our kids to run like rabbits.
But I forgot,
Children actually only have snail-like bodies,
We need to wait for them to grow up.
Raise your children as snails, and you'll understand their difficulties
Writer Zhang Wenliang once wrote a prose poem called "Leading a Snail for a Walk":
"God gave me a task,
Tell me to take a snail for a walk.
I can't go too fast,
The snail has tried its best to climb,
Always move a little bit at a time.
I urge it, I bluff it, I rebuke it,
The snail looked at me with apologetic eyes,
As if to say, "People have done their best!" ”
I pull it, I pull it, I even want to kick it,
The snail was wounded, it was sweating,
Gasping for breath, crawling forward..."
When I first read it, I couldn't help but sigh,
Isn't that like me and my son?
He's the slow snail,
And I am the one who urged him, frightened him, blamed him,
Many times,
It's not that he doesn't want to do it fast, to do it well.
But that's all he has.
I couldn't do my best to meet my requirements.
At the age of three, he undressed for ten minutes,
I hate him for being too slow,
But I don't know the delicate action of unbuttoning,
How difficult it was for him;
At the age of five, he always couldn't go to bed on time.
I reprimanded him for rubbing,
But I don't know in the heart of a child before the age of 6,
It is impossible to establish the concept of time at all;
At the age of seven, he focused on no more than 20 minutes at a time when he wrote his homework.
I was mad at me,
But I don't know the attention of a child of this age,
Hold for no more than ten minutes at most.
I used to yell at him a lot, "How are you like a snail?"
Now I know,
In fact, he is a "snail".
This is the necessary stage of growth,
Because the degree of his brain development can only allow him to complete this thing.
Remember that there was such a news hot search on the Internet,
A father lay in the middle of the road crying and begging the police to detain,
The reason is that my daughter does math problems,
800 minus 700 equals 900.
A netizen saw this news,
For this reason, he lamented on zhihu that "how difficult is it for parents to teach their children?"
And in Gao Zan's answer,
An elementary school teacher told the truth:
It is normal for such a child not to count this problem.
Second-graders can't understand right angles,
It's because they haven't learned the angle yet.
Third graders don't count 20 by 30,
It's because they haven't learned double-digit multiplication.
We are accustomed to judging children by the standards of adults,
but forgot that in their little world,
Has its own growth rules.
Instead of treating children like rabbits,
It is better to raise children as snails.
Because then you will understand,
Their grinding,
Probably because of lack of ability,
Their inkblots,
It may be a natural character problem.
When we no longer blame the child for being "slow",
Reprimand him,
On the contrary, it is more common,
and a more scientific approach to solving problems.
Raise your child as a snail and you will find a different world
Since raising children as "snails",
I psychologically accepted his "slowness",
Understand his difference,
I'm no longer as anxious and anxious as I used to be.
Those bad tempers that were once irrepressible have also been successfully cured.
I suddenly found that
It turns out that the child's "slow",
It is the test of parents,
Ultimately let us become better selves.
● Accept the "slowness" of children, I find that excellent children are loved.
If a third-grader writes an essay,
Can't write 20 words in one morning,
What would you think?
"He must be too abrasive, this kid is too stupid!"
I believe that many parents will think so.
In the documentary "I'm Not a Stupid Kid",
There was such a boy called school,
However, his "slowness" is not because of stupidity and grinding,
Rather, it was because of his congenital physical defects— dyslexia.
As the mother of the school,
From the initial incomprehension to the final true acceptance,
In the documentary,
I was inspired by this mom's gradual transformation.
She said:
"Well, boy, there's no such thing.
There's going to be that problem, too.
There's always a question for you! ”
We are growing step by step through all kinds of problems.
While truly getting to know your child,
I found snails that did their best,
There are already enough flash points,
They are disciplined, genuine, and hard enough.
● Accept the "slowness" of the child, we need to grow up with the child.
"Mom, wait for me."
Buy something from the supermarket and go home,
Just 15 minutes away,
Walked for a full 40 minutes in the friction of my son,
He squatted on the ground for a moment looking at the ants,
Lie in the grass for a while looking for insects.
If only I had been before,
I was already angry because he was so slow.
But now I,
A different perspective,
I found that
It turned out that he was such a curious child,
He was full of love for the world.
I found that when I changed my mindset,
On the contrary, he listened to me more.
A psychologist once shared a theory:
If you think there is something wrong with your child,
It's likely that the problem is your own.
Our urging,
In fact, it is probably just because,
We ourselves are anxious.
● Accepting the "slowness" of children, I have more understanding of life.
When I first became a mother, I embraced the educational philosophy:
"The child must win at the starting line."
In the cultivation of the son,
I tried my best to get him ahead everywhere.
But the son has no strange qualifications,
But it made me taste disappointment more than once,
Others will learn things once,
But he had to say it twice to understand.
Think of yourself as a "school bully",
Admitted to the 985 guarantee graduate school,
There is nothing you can do about the fact that children learn more slowly than others.
Until I raised my children as snails,
Understand why he is "slow",
I'm no longer anxious, comparing,
It is more understanding of life.
Just like the 6-year-old Peking University professor who memorized the Xinhua Dictionary,
Gave birth to a daughter who was the first to last in the examination,
I finally realized:
The ruler is shorter, the inch is longer,
Things are insufficient, and wisdom is unknown.
Want children to be really happy,
Just know that every child is different.
Raise your child as a snail and have the courage to dare to "slow down"
Raising a child is like taking a snail for a walk,
It's a process that requires a lot of patience.
Excessive anxiety, too much urging,
It will only disturb the rhythm of the child's growth,
Wise Parents,
They all have the courage to dare to "slow down".
1, when the child rubs, use some methods to change his habits.
As there's a saying:
"The abrasion of a child is not a disease,
Parents who urge are the most deadly."
In the face of children's rubbing problems,
Instead of rushing, try something like this:
● Establish a sense of time for your child.
Use alarm clocks, watches and other tools to "visualize" time,
Let the child establish the concept of hours, minutes;
● Give your child a simple and clear assignment of tasks.
Because the child's memory and comprehension are still poor,
When you issue a series of commands,
For example, when "wiping the table, packing the school bag, putting on shoes, and hurrying out",
The child's first reaction is not "I want to hurry",
It's "Which am I going to do?" ”
So
Make the instructions clear.
● Let the child experience the natural consequences of rubbing.
When he was late for school several times by the teacher,
Naturally, you will understand that you should increase your speed.
2, when the child is behind, give him some room to grow.
Mr. Black Young Dragon, the father of Wah-carnegie, once said this:
"It's easy for parents to think that their children are doing poor academically.
There's no hope.
In fact, if you do slow breeding,
Such a child may be better in the future. ”
As a father who sent all four of his children to prestigious universities,
Black baby dragon in the child's education,
Always adhere to the educational concept of "slow maintenance".
The second founding of the country, since childhood is the "Chaos Demon King",
When he was a child, he scored 0 points, and the black young dragon comforted him:
"Next time you'll improve."
The second year of high school has not yet improved, but I want to be a garbage truck driver,
The black baby dragon felt that there was nothing wrong with it,
Even on the outside,
After educating the child, the black dragon still said to him:
"It doesn't matter, we can change it slowly."
In the patience and tolerance of parents,
Originally the most unpopular founding of the country,
Actually turned into an industry elite.
When the child is behind,
As parents, we might as well give them more time.
Explore on your own,
Get a solid lesson,
It must be more stable.
3, slow as a snail, but also to give children unconditional love.
Some time ago,
An article of "Our Genius Son" swept the screen across the network,
In the text,
The story of Jin Xiaoyu, a genius translator suffering from depression, is moving.
Accidental blindness in the left eye in childhood,
In his youth, he suffered from manic depression,
Jin Xiaoyu, who once had excellent results,
You can't study, work, and start a family like a normal child.
But the father Jin Sexyong and the mother Cao Meizao used extraordinary understanding and acceptance,
Silently guarding his son.
Psychologist Rogers said:
Love is deep understanding and acceptance.
It is also deeply healing.
Although fate has given the family many tribulations,
But the parents are not impatient, tenacious love,
Healed the son,
In the end, the life of a genius translator was achieved.
As written in "Kids, Take Your Time":
"I'm willing to wait a lifetime,
Let him calmly tie this bow tie,
With his five-year-old fingers.
Child, you take your time, take your time. ”
May every parent understand the growth rules of their children,
Accompany your child's life with love.
Let this slow snail,
Be able to grow up happily and happily.
—— End ——
Author: Qian He, a passionate life home, a calm thinker. Experience life, record life, share insights. With you, read yourself, read life. Some of the pictures are from the Internet, and the copyright belongs to the original author.