1. The chairman went to the countryside to turn to relatives and asked the peasant relatives: "Has Moutai been drunk?" The peasant relative said, "Drunk! The chairman asked again: "Have you eaten bird's nest and shark fin soup?" Farmer relatives said

1. The chairman went to the countryside to turn to relatives and asked the peasant relatives: "Has Moutai been drunk?" The peasant relative said, "Drunk! The chairman asked again: "Have you eaten bird's nest and shark fin soup?" The peasant relative said, "I have eaten!" The chairman was surprised to hear this: "Your life here is not bad!" The peasant relatives laughed and said, "Yes, they say that those things are fake!" ”

2, the brother drove an Audi to go on a blind date, came back in a bad mood, and did not succeed in seeing it. When I was drinking, I asked him what he was doing, and he said that the blind date dog looked down on people. I had a beer with him and advised him: Why do you care so much about what the dog thinks of you? He was stunned and suddenly we both burst out laughing...

3. At two o'clock in the morning, the boyfriend got up and drank two bottles of functional drinks. As a result, I was so energetic that I couldn't sleep. My boyfriend had to talk to me, chatting and talking, saying that he wanted to see me, so I took a photo and sent it to him. As a result, not long after receiving the photo, the boyfriend did not reply. The next day my boyfriend said he threw up after seeing my picture and fell asleep...

4, after the old man retired, he gave me a loan to buy a BMW 7 series, in order to repay the car loan, I worked overtime in the factory every day.

I've had a headache working overtime lately, especially last night.

When I got home from work, I said to my daughter-in-law: Wife, I have a headache that I am about to explode. ”

The wife immediately took two steps back and said, "Then what if you quickly stay away from me and hurt me?" ”

5, these days the money is tight, I called my brother: "Brother, can you give some money to spend, recently tight." My brother said: "Sister, it's not that the brother doesn't help you, our mother thinks that you just eat and don't work at home, saying that it's the end of the year anyway, you honestly find someone to go to his house, anyway, the big New Year's Day, whoever eats is not bad." ”

6, roommates hate the dormitory is too noisy, the library has no place, go to the Internet café to learn online lessons. The online course he reported was not cheaper than 200 yuan an hour. The roommate smoked a cigarette to watch the video, and the network manager came and said: Classmate, you can't smoke here, please go outside to smoke it! The roommate said yes. Then I adjusted the camera a bit, and said to the network manager: Dude I went out to smoke a cigarette, this video can not be no one, you first help me listen...

7, last night to the school bathhouse to take a bath, half of the time the male bathhouse side suddenly blackout, suddenly a bathhouse is dark, and then they are complaining, suddenly someone shouted a word of caution chrysanthemum! , the bathhouse was in a mess! Witty me, I immediately ran to the women's bathhouse to continue washing... Oh, now I'm in the school security office...

8, a girl with a crush design, I think she is a fairy, every night I think she can't sleep. I think of a movie where the male protagonist carved the heroine's name on the tree, and more than ten years later the heroine saw the words on the tree, and the two finally walked together. I felt that this method was very good, and I also learned to take a knife to carve words on a tree. It took an afternoon to finally carve it, and by the second year the tree died.

9, the brother and the girl have been together for 10 years, or separated, the girl packed her bags in the room, she asked her brother before leaving: I am really gone? The brother pretended to be indifferent and played with the chicken, and also prompted her not to leave things behind. She yelled, "I'm so blind!" Then slammed the door out, after she left, her brother immediately threw down the mobile phone, stiffly walked to the window, looked at her distant back, and couldn't help but burst into tears! The room, which was not very large, seemed much empty, only my brother, a desk, a bed, and a computer. And the $5 million breakup fee her dad gave him on the corner.

10. Why do you fat people go out? Don't you know that it's because you're out on the street that it's so crowded? We thin people never take up much space! What about you fat guys? One person occupies a place for two people, three people, four people, or even five people! Congestion everywhere queues are caused by you! Don't you feel ashamed! Don't you feel ashamed to stay at home! What is the purpose of having to go out on the street? A: We, the fat guys, want to squeeze you to death when we go out...

11, the girlfriend is getting married, pull me to accompany her to buy wedding supplies, she goes to park, I first go to the wedding supplies store to turn. The owner of the shop is an uncle, the uncle saw me and smiled and said: "Nell, see you again, in the past few years you have not brought your friends to my store to buy things, this time you came, the uncle guessed well, it must be Nell you are going to get married, see you married out, the uncle is happy for you, today you want to give you a 20% discount on everything." At this time, the girlfriend walked in and said: "Boss, thank you, this time I got married..." The uncle looked back at me and said, "Why aren't you?" "I...

12, when I was a child, my mother bought a big bag of white fine grains of things, she said it was not white sugar can not eat. Of course, I didn't believe it when I was young, after all, I had been deceived many times... As she turned, I grabbed it with the speed of my hand, which I still couldn't surpass, opened my mouth and shoved it in. At that moment, I tasted a taste that I would never forget in my life! That's the taste of urea!