The stronger the mother, the weaker the child;
Smart mothers know how to show weakness appropriately, and at the same time give the other half a chance, they also leave blank for the growth of their children.
Many people know that mothers are very important to children and families, as the saying goes: marry a good wife for three generations!
But why is a strong mother devastating for the family?
The stronger Mom is
The more cowardly the son, the more domineering the daughter
A strong woman does not equal a strong woman.
When we say strong, we refer more to personality than career.
Many strong women are "iron ladies" at work, and when they go home, they become "little ladies", but their marriage is very happy.
On the contrary, some women may not do a great job in their careers, but they have a big temper and a lot of momentum, and they especially like to say one thing at home.
We call this kind of wife who likes to be the "queen" at home a strong woman.
Psychological counseling has found that, in general, when the father's role in the family becomes more and more marginalized, the mother becomes more and more powerful and even one-sided.
From the perspective that children will always form an identity with the same-sex parents, the daughter will identify with the strong mother.
Over time, the daughter will also become a strong daughter.
In many families, the mother and daughter with a tense relationship are often mothers and daughters with the same personality, that is to say, a strong mother must have a strong daughter.
A grumpy mother will also pass on the grumpy problem to her daughter.
Sometimes you will find some interesting phenomena:
When the daughter rebels against the mother's tyranny, the daughter is also secretly inheriting the mother's tyranny, and will naturally bring it into her future relationship with her daughter.
Four common behaviors of strong mothers:
We must listen to the mother, and the mother has the final say in everything.
Closely monitor your child's every move and know his whereabouts and behavior.
All activities of the child must be reported to her and, if necessary, permission must be obtained before acting.
Blindly pointing out children's lives, interfering arbitrarily, and manipulating their public and private lives for no reason.
Restraint makes a child lose self-confidence
Many mothers see raising their children as a means of self-actualization.
If they can successfully cultivate their children to become excellent talents, they often attach their own value to their children.
The success of children is their success, and the failure of children is their failure.
Therefore, many mothers have to transfer this pressure to their children, invisibly imposing their will on their children, and the children become inferior in this constraint.
Excessive demands cause young children to lose their sense of security and increase psychological stress.
At this time, the child becomes tired, no criticism can touch him, and he becomes emboldened and inactive.
In front of the strong mother, the daughter chooses unconditional identification, while the son, there will be another situation, that is, unconditional escape.
Because when the mother always accuses and criticizes her husband, she is actually accusing and criticizing all men.
The son, as a male, must be like his father, hiding in no-man's corner.
So when a wife with an overly strong personality likes to ridicule and taunt her cowardly husband, it is actually equivalent to throwing this ridicule and ridicule to her son as well.
Therefore, a strong wife must have a cowardly son, and the more she accuses her husband of cowardice, the more cowardly her son becomes.
A strong mother will make her son unmasculine
Many of today's mothers are very capable, and in ruling and dominating the family, they often rely on the will and leadership of their mothers.
The result of this is that the patriarchy cannot reflect its own leadership.
If the family wants to maintain relative harmony, the father can only "resolutely support" the mother's opinions and suggestions, otherwise it is a quarrel or a cold war.
As a result, the weak father gave up the leadership of the family that belonged to him.
It is indeed unfortunate for boys living in such matrilineal families.
When the child is young, the strong mother does not show problems.
But by the time of early childhood and childhood, the child will have all kinds of problems because of the cowardice of the father and the inability to prevent the mother's excessive interference with the child.
Problem one: Boys have difficulty masculinizing
Children have less awareness of male power and will have "paternal love deficiency syndrome".
Lack of masculinity, slow development in weight, height, movement, etc., and there are emotional disorders such as anxiety and weak self-control;
In terms of personality, they will also become cowardly, timid, withdrawn, inferior, etc.
When the future enters society, various uncomfortable states will occur:
For example, they can't act according to their gender role norms, like to find strong women to marry, and can't become a reliable husband.
Problem two: make the child disrespect authority
Families with lost patriarchy can cause children not only to fail to learn from their fathers to respect authority and understand hierarchy, but also to think that men are like fathers.
At the same time, in families with imperfect functions, children will often instinctively curry favor with the "strong" in the face of strong mothers.
Boys, in particular, will follow their mothers and unconsciously rebel against their fathers and do not pay attention to their father's opinions.
Problem three: Overprotecting your child
The mother's excessive strength is a sign of her lack of security, which will make her a typical protector.
Afraid that the problems they are worried about will appear in the child, as long as it is not conducive to the child, they want to filter it out and avoid it through their own efforts.
So the mother does everything and asks her child to follow her in thought and behavior.
Eventually, the child becomes clueless and completely dependent on the mother, thus further confirming the mother's thinking.
Problem four: Putting too much pressure on your child
Strong mothers tend to be capable and perfectionists, who will use raising their children as a method of self-actualization and demanding that their children do their best.
So he invisibly imposes his will on the child, and also attaches his own value to the child.
It cannot be denied that these strong mothers have paid a lot.
But it is precisely these "paying" that make children feel stressed, easy to cause children to lose their sense of security and self-confidence, and cause children's psychological inferiority after adulthood.
Problem five: Make it difficult for children to be independent
A strong mother is not only strong in front of her husband, but also in front of her child, and does not allow her child to say "no".
Under the strong control of the mother for a long time, it is natural to ignore the characteristics and feelings of the child.
Children have few opportunities to make independent decisions in life, and everything is taught, directed and arranged by a strong mother.
Over time, children will give up their responsibilities, lose the ability to solve problems and face life independently, and form unconditional obedience and dependence on their mothers.
Problem Six: Children learn to resist passively
A strong mother makes the child lose himself, feels that everything he does is for the mother, and cannot produce the motivation to do things in his heart.
Under the pressure of power, the child knows that resistance is useless, and although the heart is saying "no", it can only indicate superficial obedience.
This is also the child's feeling that only by passive resistance can they have autonomy.
As a result, children often adopt a negative attitude in the face of things they cannot control and are unwilling to do, and the grinding foreign workers appear.
Problem Seven: It is difficult for children to learn to socialize
Parents are the first children to know the same sex and the opposite sex, and their friendly relationship with them can allow children to learn how to get along with same-sex friends when they grow up.
This determines the child's interpersonal skills.
Under the management of a strong mother, this social interaction is deformed, making the child afraid of encountering denial and rejection, and accustomed to hiding his inner feelings.
This mode of defense makes it prone to be isolated by society and difficult to integrate into society.
Question Eight: A strong mother can lead to an "Oedipus complex"
The more love a strong mother puts in, the greater the harvest she expects, and the deeper the mother-child bond.
He even uses his son as a "replacement spouse", as the only object of emotional support.
In the end it is possible to desire to possess the Son, to the point of sharing what the Son has.
This makes it difficult for the child to get rid of the influence of the mother and gain his true self.
This makes it difficult for boys to identify with other girls in adulthood and becomes more dependent on their mothers.
In summary, mothers who are too strong or have more contact with their children must let their children have a good understanding and correct impression of their fathers in their own minds.
In fact, a smart mother will always give her father the opportunity to let her child feel the presence of her father at any time, and respecting her husband is the best way to reflect patriarchy.
Of course, fatherhood cannot shirk responsibility, but also strive to participate more in the decision-making of family affairs.
Finally, it is important to know that strong control is sometimes not necessarily the strong control of the child's thoughts or emotions, but also the gentle strong care, or the strong control of sweet words.