On September 8, 1995, this day is the Mid-Autumn Festival, the day of the reunion of thousands of families, Zhang Ailing died darkly, and when she was found, she was covered with a blanket, lying on the floor, and had been walking for a week, and a generation of talented women had closed the curtain of life so lonely.
Once, her life was bright and beautiful, and her literary status and wealth were equally good, but the contrast between the brightness of her life and the desolation after her death was extremely ironic, as she once said, "Life is a gorgeous robe, crawling with lice." So why was her old age so miserable?
All this has to start from the beginning, in 1920, Zhang Ailing was born in Shanghai, although many literati in the Republic of China have a good family background, but Zhang Ailing's family is special, she is Li Hongzhang's granddaughter, her grandfather is also a high official, her mother received Western cultural education from a small family, although wrapped in small feet, but from an early age she understood that women should be independent, under the education of her mother, she showed her talent and enthusiasm for literature and art very early.
However, born in the rich, the environment has always been a double-edged sword, her mother is open-minded, positive and enterprising, her father is a typical clumsy child, obviously already a declining aristocrat, but unwilling to face the facts, Zhang Ailing's mother can't bear it, and then chooses to run away from home, therefore, what she saw from childhood is endless quarrels, and she has not enjoyed much maternal love.
Finally, in 1930, when Zhang Ailing was ten years old, her mother insisted on divorce, and after the divorce, zhang Ailing and her brother Zhang Zijing went away from home alone, Zhang Ailing and her brother Zhang Zijing and her father, her father Zhang Zhiyi was unwilling to face it, unwilling to admit that the family was already a declining aristocrat, and all day long in addition to smoking a big cigarette, that is, watching "Dream of the Red Chamber", Zhang Ailing and her brother also ate and drank all day, lazy and lazy, if the father was in a good mood, he would tell her about classical literature, or novels.
Such a day, it sounds good, at least there is no suffering, but after all, such a time is less, more often than not, the father's scolding, the breakdown of the family, resulting in her away from normal life, the rupture of family affection makes Zhang Ailing have a very unique view of life and feelings.
Soon after the parents divorced, the father Zhang Zhiyi took an aunt home, with the father of the newlywed wife, Zhang Ailing was even more "rude", from verbal violence, to later behavioral violence, and then in order not to let her study, put her under house arrest at home, at the age of 18, Zhang Ailing escaped from the window in the middle of the night to find her biological mother Huang Yifan.
She thought that after escaping from her father, her mother would give her more love, but no, Huang Yifan showed everything very plainly, except because she was disgusted with the Zhang family's preference for sons and daughters, and she tried to provide Zhang Ailing with special persistence, she did not really care about this daughter, did not care about the growth of children like ordinary mothers, therefore, in all of Zhang Ailing's novels, the portrayal of family affection is very negative, such as she said: the fallen nobles who are falling apart, selfish and selfish.
Some people say that Zhang Ailing, whether in life or spirit, seems to be "homeless", the soul has nowhere to put, of course, this "homeless" does not mean that she has no house and no home, refers to her broken family environment, known as "genius" Zhang Ailing has magnified this brokenness and fluttering a lot through her works, in her view, family affection and love are "a chicken feather".
However, despite this, she is still very eager to be loved, especially the recognition of her mother, the care and love of her mother, in 1942, this year Zhang Ailing was 22 years old, when she was studying in Hong Kong, but she had to return to Shanghai due to the outbreak of World War II, she went to find her mother Huang Yifan at the first time, but what made her sad was that her mother did not wait for her, but went abroad with her new boyfriend.
Perhaps the family and affection disappointed her, in August 1957 Zhang Ailing learned of the news that her mother was seriously ill, but did not go to London to take care of her, a month later, that is, in September of that year, Huang Yifan died, Zhang Ailing still did not go to see the last side of her mother. She also had no contact with her father and brother Zhang Zijing, and the only aunt in her shelter, Zhang Maoyuan, knew.
Because family affection has never brought her a sense of happiness, when love comes, Zhang Ailing chose to fight for herself, she hopes to feel the beauty of the world in love, but she did not expect that it was just a dream intertwined with love and hate.
In the Republic of China period, there were many love legends, such as Lin Huiyin and Liang Sicheng's lifelong warmth, there were also stories of Hu Shi and Jiang Dongxiu fighting and making trouble, and there was also a fanatical love like Xu Zhimo and Lu Xiaoman, and Zhang Ailing's love was so tortuous that it was difficult to express it in adjectives, and warmth or bitterness were not enough to summarize the experience of this genius.
Perhaps under the influence of her parents' marriage, Zhang Ailing once said that if she marries someone, she must choose a man who is 15 years older than herself, maybe she is casually talking, but fate still has a wish for her, but this love that is more than ten years apart has become the "love curse" of Zhang Ailing's life.
In 1943, Zhang Ailing was only 23 years old, but she was already the most famous female writer at that time, in two years, she published three novels, one of which was "Love in the Fallen City" and pushed her to the throne of the most popular female writer, her readers included all walks of life, all ages, general readers, intellectuals, business and political leaders fanatically loved Zhang Ailing, Hu Lancheng was one of them.
In 1944, the 24-year-old Zhang Ailing published the short story "Blockade", when the 38-year-old Hu Lancheng saw this novel, read it several times in a row, constantly recommended "Blockade" to friends, said "good" again and again, so he asked the editor Su Qing about the author, and the other party replied: The author is a girl, named Zhang Ailing.
Immediately after, Hu Lancheng said a sentence: I think that every word in the world, a thing, is about Zhang Ailing, it has become good.
Perhaps, at this moment, he really admired her talent, so he planned to meet her, this talented female writer Zhang Ailing.
So, Hu Lancheng came to her residence in Jing'an, as soon as he saw Zhang Ailing, he was deeply impressed, although Zhang Ailing was not very beautiful, but the "aristocratic temperament" emitted from her body was pursued by his poor life from the bottom of the countryside, he knew that such a woman was the most precious, so he mobilized every brain cell to weave a love network.
Like all people who pursue women, he admires her clear mind, praises her unique thinking logic, like a mirror, reflecting her most glorious side, he even wants to indulge, the morning after the warm spring supper of the Hibiscus tent, Zhang Ailing let him take off his shoes and walk, because he was afraid that his aunt would find out, but he not only did not listen, but also deliberately put on his leather shoes and stepped heavily on the floor, making the floor ring through the clouds.
In this way, Hu Lancheng conquered her, and Zhang Ailing thought from the bottom of her heart that he must love her the most, so she wrote in the novel "Little Reunion": She quickly surrendered her love, dignity, money and body.
Soon, they were together, they got married, got Zhang Ailing, Hu Lancheng was extremely happy, because she was talented, although her mother did not care much about her, but there were many assets left behind, she could speak English, she could play the piano, Hu Lancheng showed off everywhere, so that those officials and eunuchs were all misses and wives.
However, even though Zhang Ailing is rich and talented, even if she is immortal and grand, she still can't tie him down, not long after marriage, Hu Lancheng hooked up with the widow Fan Xiumei, and then left Shanghai for the 17-year-old nurse, and even spent Zhang Ailing's money with peace of mind, once, Hu Lancheng promised Zhang Ailing "May the years be quiet, and the world is stable" The marriage contract lasted less than 3 years.
Then, Zhang Ailing knew hu Lancheng's character very early, why did she still love him for so long?
Some people say that the exquisite and transparent Zhang Ailing is not in love with him at all, she loves herself in love, tasting the sweetness, sorrow, thoughts and trembling in love, in the end, Zhang Ailing, who is only eight buckets tall, is just in love with love itself.
In 1955, Zhang Ailing was 37 years old, met the 64-year-old playwright Lai Ya as she said, she must find someone more than 15 years older than herself to get married, this time she found a partner who was nearly 30 years older than her, the two found that they were in love, so they quickly decided to get married, but fate once again joked with her, only two months after they got married, Lai Ya was paralyzed by stroke, Zhang Ailing relied on the writing fee to support the lives of the two people and take care of Lai Ya for 11 years.
Later, the literary scholar Xia Zhiqing always believed that Lai Ya dragged down Zhang Ailing's literary creation for the second half of her life, and even hurt her emotional world. But Zhang Ailing herself did not explain much, only said in the novel "Mercy": Born in this world, there is no feeling that is not full of holes.
In her later years, Zhang Ailing, most people use desolation, sadness, or loneliness, upside down and displacement to describe her world and life, living alone, moving more than a hundred times, wearing clothes at will, even socks are worn differently, but in fact, she just sees through the cold and warm of the world, and only wants to live according to her wishes.
At the end of her life, Zhang Ailing put all her time and energy into the study of "Red Studies", and finally completed the extraordinary "Nightmare of the Red Chamber", Zhang Ailing finally chose a famous work symbolizing the decline of China's old aristocracy and the tragedy of classical love to create the end of her career, perhaps it is to think about her life.