It is said that there is a disease called "mobile phone syndrome". The symptoms are as follows: inseparable from the mobile phone, inseparable from the network, or haunted to a no-signal area, the whole person is not good, the heart is up and down, there is no decline... But as a parent, do you really know how much harm to the child by always playing with the mobile phone in front of the child? Find out from this little story shared below!
▊ My daughter and I had a conflict
After a busy day, just after returning home from work, I received a complaint call from my daughter's homeroom teacher, Teacher Wen: "Si Si is very disagreeable, and when she asks her to get up and answer questions in class, she should not hear it." Ask her why, and she doesn't care. ”
My daughter has always been a very polite child, and it's not like she can do anything. I looked at her doubtfully, not seeing any hint on her face. I had to apologize to the teacher: "Teacher Wen, I can't figure out the situation at this time." Let me have a good talk with her first, shall I? ”
After answering the phone, I couldn't help but ask my daughter, "What did the teacher say?" I tried to understand my daughter's behavior, "Is there any misunderstanding?" Mom knows you're not a rude child. The daughter lifted her little head and glanced at me without making a sound.
"Mom just needs an explanation, and she doesn't blame you." The daughter remained silent. I sighed and said, "Then you think about it first." ”
Until dinner, my daughter still didn't want to talk to me and ran to the TV to watch cartoons. I sat down next to her and watched it with her for a while, and when the cartoon was over, I patiently asked, "Can I talk to my mother?" The daughter snorted and stared intently at the TV commercial.
"Why don't you ignore the teacher today?" I tried to make my voice sound as gentle as possible, "Is it a bad mood?" ”
"Hmm." The daughter answered casually, her eyes still fixed on the TV.
The feeling of being overlooked makes me very uncomfortable. All along, I have tried to talk to my daughter as equally as possible. My daughter once happily told me that her friends envied her for having a good mother who was reasonable. And this time, I only need a reason, but she ignored it, when my words are air, am I usually too kind, but I have lost the majesty of my parents?
A fire rose from my heart, and I stood up violently, grabbed the remote control from her hand, snapped off the TV, and condescendingly yelled at my daughter, "What's wrong with you!" ”
My daughter was startled and looked at me stunned, a twinkle of panic and hurt in her eyes. My heart ached, but I still maintained the majesty of an adult, and ordered: "Go back to your room immediately and figure out what you are going to do!" She bounced off the couch and disappeared behind the door, her ponytail flicked, all sad.
I sat down on the couch in frustration, and my husband, who had never spoken, came up and patted me on the shoulder: "Calm down, you know your daughter best, you should believe her!" ”
Yeah, I know my daughter best, she's not an indifferent child, there must be a reason for it. I stood up, took a deep breath, calmed down and wrote a note: "Baby, you ignore Mom, Mom is very sad!" I was mad at you before, I'm sorry, I hope you forgive me. I knocked on the door and slipped the note through the crack in the door.
▊ The real cause of the matter
Two minutes later, the door opened and my daughter stood in the doorway, tears swirling in her eyes. Seeing me, she immediately pounced on me, hugged me and cried. While crying, he sobbed and choked and told me the reason for the incident. It turned out that when I got into bed today, my daughter decided to do an experiment — ignoring anyone's words.
I patted her on the back and asked puzzledly, "Why such an experiment?" My daughter looked up from my arms and looked at me: "Mom, when I ignored you, were you very unhappy?" ”
I nodded, and my daughter asked, "When I watch TV, I don't talk to you seriously, are you also very unhappy?" ”
"Yes, Mom feels very uncomfortable."
The daughter whispered, "I'm often unhappy too!" Mom, you always work overtime and don't have time to play with me. I sighed and said, "Mom has been too busy lately, but Mom took you to the park on the weekend!" ”
The daughter had tears in her eyes, and her little face was full of grievances: "You didn't play with me, when you played the slide, when you swung on the swing, you were playing with your mobile phone on the side!" ”
My daughter's words crossed my heart like a thunderbolt. Now that mobile phones are more and more powerful, I also love machine addiction, and the machine can't leave my hand. Many times when I took my daughter out to play, I waited bored, so I took out my mobile phone to brush WeChat and send messages. Somehow, I remembered when my daughter was four or five years old, and I took her to the park to play. She was having fun with the other children, laughing loudly and running towards me again and again, the sweat in the sun was crystal clear, her eyes were full of excitement, the corners of her mouth were full of happiness, and she ran to me silly and happy. It wasn't until I smiled and nodded at her that she jumped away again like a happy rabbit.
My tears burst out of my eyes in an instant, and I held my daughter tightly in my arms. The child loves his mother so much, longs for his mother's response at any time, and looks forward to sharing it with his mother when he is happy to play. Later, when my daughter got older, I thought she didn't need it anymore. Perhaps, my daughter has thrown expectant eyes at me many times, but I have ignored them.
I suddenly understood: "You did this experiment of ignoring people because you wanted me to taste the taste of being overlooked, right?" My daughter nodded and looked at me sheepishly. I couldn't help but laugh, and treated his body the way he treated him, and this method really made me feel deeply.
I took my daughter's hand, bent down, looked her in the eye, and apologized sincerely: "Mommy is not right to play with the phone." You can come up with this method to illustrate that you are very good at thinking. I also have my own opinions. You let your mom see her flaws. But, next time, you can communicate directly with your mother and don't take such an extreme approach, okay? ”
The daughter nodded heavily: "Tomorrow I will go and apologize to the teacher!" ”
The polite daughter came back, and I decided to turn off my phone while playing with my daughter and enjoy high-quality parent-child time.
▊ What is a parent? A salutation? A natural power? Yes, but... Parenting is a profession!
You think you're with your kids, but your kids find out that their phones have robbed their mom and dad!
Don't think that you are looking at your phone and sitting next to your child while you are with your child.
Don't think that if you are playing with the computer on, and the mouth is urging the child, it is the child.
Spending time with your child delays your time, but you delay your child's life.
American psychologists have found that 20% of a person's ability to achieve success depends on acquired efforts, and 80% depends on the teaching of the father.
As an "important person" in a child's life, the same affirmative word, if spoken by the father, will have 50 times more influence on the child than the mother.
The influence of the mother on the child is whether the child can become an independent person; the father is to shape the child's view of life; it is related to the formation of personality.
Who is more important in family education, father or mother? The answer is that both matter. Whether a person's relationship with the mother is harmonious will affect whether the child's future marriage is happy; whether the relationship with the father is harmonious will affect whether the child's future career will be successful.
▊ Give your child 15 minutes a day, you can't do it?
Establishing a close parent-child relationship with children requires the accumulation of bit by bit every day, not overnight. The establishment of high-quality relationships requires a dedicated 15 minutes of companionship with children every day. The so-called high-quality companionship is that when accompanying the child, the father or mother is wholeheartedly interacting with the child, without distraction, without distraction, without thinking about work, without thinking about pressure; although these are all there.
▊ Companionship: Find things to do together
It can be reading and telling stories with children;
It can be playing with children or playing ball;
It can be listening to a piece of music singing together;
You can sit on the beach with your child and listen to the sound of the waves and explain the knowledge of nature.
It can be climbing mountains with children, sitting on the ground together to study nature, observing small animals, small flowers, small grass and trees.
▊ Companionship: Listening + physical contact
Contact can be unjudicated, without accusation, without contempt, without blowing, without interruption. Just very simple, very appreciative, very focused, very happy, quietly listening to the child.
In the process of listening, parents can have: um, oh, wow, yes, and then what? What else? What's next? and other responses. In the process of companionship, as much physical contact as possible: pat the child's shoulder, touch the child's head, put the child's small hands in their own hands, hug the child, and so on.
Also, an appreciative look is also important. There are many more ways, and the most crucial thing is whether you are a parent in that moment or not – the presence of your whole body.
▊ Whether you believe it or not, parents need training the most but lack training the most
The characteristics of this "profession" of parents are: the most need for training but the most lack of training! Maybe you have a successful career, but the success of your career can't make up for the failure of family education. Regardless of the children, the child is not the mother alone, the child's growth education, you only have one chance, do not miss!
▊ Mobile phone can accompany you for 50 years, and the time with children and intimacy will never return
Words for parents: Please put the phone aside, if we are 30 now, if we go all the way to 80, we still have 50 years to be with the phone; as long as we pick it up, it is always around us; listen to us call.....
If our baby grows up, if they grow up to be 10, 12, 16, you will find that they will gradually need more and more space for themselves; they will no longer "pestering you"; they will no longer "make unreasonable" trouble with you; they will no longer stick to your arms like a baby; they will no longer pull you to the bedside, they will no longer beg you to tell a story to sleep with her as a child; you will find that in children, many of the most intimate times with you will never come back once they are missed ......
So, those parents who spend more time with their phones than with their babies: please put your phone aside and spend more time holding your baby in your arms; slowly appreciate the years of really having a baby.
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