Never let your boy warm someone else and chill himself. Train him to be a gentleman, so that he can be both personable and measured.
#1
The other day, I took my son to KFC and saw such a scene. A mother at the next table was eating with a pair of young ladies and brothers who were about 4 or 5 years old, and she went to the counter to get an ice cream and said to the two children: There is only this one left, who of you wants to eat? Both children wanted it, and the look in their eyes at the ice cream was full of longing. At this time, the mother's eyes looked at the little boy: "Congcong, who do you say to eat for?" Only to see the little boy look at the ice cream and swallow, hesitated and said: "Mother, if you don't give it to your sister, I will eat it next time." The little girl happily took the cone in her mother's hand and ate it with a happy face. Mom smiled happily and touched the little boy's head: "Cong Cong is awesome!" What a warm man! "But I could clearly see a hint of loneliness in the little boy's dim eyes. I don't know when the word "warm man" seems to have become a high evaluation from men to boys. Many parents with boys in the family also hope that their sons will be a little warm man, sensible, obedient, humble and considerate. But is it really a good thing to raise a boy to be a warm man?
#2
In one episode of the variety show "The Boy Who Opened His Heart", a family of four was invited. Sister Honey is 5 years old, lively and clever, and the elder brother is 11 years old, gentle and sensible, and is a full warm man. On weekdays, Bunding respects his father, loves his mother, and takes good care of his sister. He never competes with his sister for favors, always gives the best to his sister, even if his parents only focus on taking videos for his sister and ignore themselves, and they don't complain. Once, Dad told Bundun to turn off the gas, but Bunge accidentally touched the gas alarm device, and was frightened and overwhelmed. Dad quickly rushed over to turn off the gas, turned around and slapped him: "Didn't you teach you before?" Such a small thing can't be done well! His mother immediately rushed over to comfort him, but he comforted his mother: "No pain, Mom, this is all my fault." He also turned to his father and apologized: "Dad, I'm sorry, I won't do it again next time." ”
Such a sensible and well-behaved child is really painful! Later, Bundy finally revealed his heart, and in this home, he was not happy at all, even very depressed.
It turned out that he was not aggrieved and not sad, but buried all his emotions in his heart. Such warmth is like a shackle that binds a boy's ego and innocence. Such a "warm man" who sacrifices his feelings will not be happy even if he grows up. Just like in the hit TV series "Female Psychologist", Xiao Mo, a boy who has just graduated, is a person who does not know how to refuse, and he responds to everyone's requests. He never refused the work that his colleagues forced him after work, and brought him a free breakfast every day, even if the colleagues changed places for dinner and did not tell him.
He has a strong ability to work and treats people sincerely, but the result is the indifference and isolation of his colleagues. He is like a light bulb that shines at any time, warm as spring on the outside, but frozen and fragmented on the inside. How many boys, trying to please others, care about the feelings of others, warm others, but alone and cold themselves. If a child always sacrifices his own feelings and warms others with grievances and flattery, then such "warmth" should not be stopped.
#3
When I was in college, the class president of our class was arguably the most gentlemanly male student I had ever met. He was friendly and always got along like a spring breeze. He always paid special attention to poor students from poor families; when he went out to parties, there was an introverted girl sitting in the corner, and he would gently invite her to play games with him; but he also had his own principles, and the task of who should be in the class was who would complete it, and there was no ambiguity. When the activity room of our class was occupied by other classes, he would also calmly reason with people and invite people out. I have to say that such a boy is really too attractive. In fact, boys are born strong, naturally love freedom, brave, and full of personality. So, instead of grooming our boy to be a warm man who is "easily hurt", raise him to be a gentleman.
ask
What is a true gentleman?
answer
There is a description on the Internet:
He's the one who helps you open the door;
He would help strangers with umbrellas in the rain.
He doesn't need to be reminded and remembers to send his mother blessings on Mother's Day;
He was a fair man and knew how important integrity was.
He respects your opinion, even if he has a different opinion.
When he was a child, he knew how to lead rather than follow;
When he was a child, he would say "please" and "thank you" at the right time, without the need for adult reminders at all.
In general, he can be polite, warm and elegant, sincere and kind, open-minded and generous; but he is more of a free individual, he has his own personality and choices, has his own attitude, and never has to live for anyone.
#4
The philosopher John Walker once wrote in The Long Story of Education:
Rich or poor; beautiful or ugly; intelligent or stupid; regardless of race, race, or gender, every child must be raised as a future gentleman.
Having a boy in the family and raising him into a little gentleman is the highest state of parenthood.
Teach him to be kind, but with scale
I knew a colleague before, the work was down-to-earth, hard work, no matter who asked him for help, he unconditionally agreed. Because of the many chores, he is often the last in the company to go, and colleagues take his efforts for granted. Until once, the company was stolen in the middle of the night, losing a lot of property, and many colleagues pointed the spearhead at him together, believing that it was caused by his dereliction of duty, and he could not defend himself. There is a line in "The Godfather": "Kindness without boundaries will only make the other party inching forward." Unprincipled kindness will only make the other person do whatever he wants. "Parents must tell their children that we advocate giving warmth and kindness to others, but the premise is that your kindness must have a sharp edge; your warmth must have a scale." Otherwise it will only illuminate others and burn yourself.
Teach him to be cultured and polite
A car owner voluntarily stops to give way to pedestrians while driving through a zebra crossing. A little boy passing by, as he passed in front of him, took off his hat and bowed to him in gratitude.
I have to say that this little boy's actions are like the warm sunshine of Hee Hee in the spring, elegant and gentlemanly. A boy with warmth in his heart, humble and courteous, and cultured, really brings his own light. On weekdays, we can also train our children's words and deeds in some simple and subtle places. For example, polite language in appropriate occasions: good morning, thank you, sorry, please, trouble you, etc.; another example: teach him to take the initiative to give up his seat, open the door, say hello, look at other people's eyes when speaking and other details. A boy who has infiltrated politeness and cultivation into his bones must be very popular everywhere he goes in the future.
Teach him to think differently and understand how to empathize with the feelings of others
A few days ago, I saw a particularly cute little boy on Douyin. Because the girl at the same table came to the aunt for the first time, he deliberately went to the teacher's office to help her get brown sugar to drink hot water.
I think that the little boy has such a caring behavior, it must be inseparable from the smoke of his parents on weekdays. As parents, we must tell boys to empathize, understand others, and think about others. Especially for girls, respect and appropriate consideration must be given. Of course, the premise is that parents should accept the boy's emotions and hearts, and if they are not understood by themselves, how can they understand others? Only the deep acceptance of parents and the guidance of kindness can make the boy a gentleman with a "tiger in his heart and a fine smell of roses", intimate and delicate.
Teach him to take responsibility and have a sense of responsibility
Saw a news the other day. A 13-year-old boy set up a stall alone in the cold winter, from 8 a.m. until late at night, just to give his mother a break.
At a young age, I know how to share the burden for my family, which is really admirable. In fact, the boy needs to be properly honed, parents can be appropriately lazy, starting from the daily housework to train the child, so that he learns to take responsibility for himself and truly become a part of the family. In this process, it is more necessary for the father to participate in and personally demonstrate how a responsible man can stand in the world and assume the responsibilities of the family. A boy with a sense of responsibility can become a man who stands tall in the sky, as strong as a tree.
Teach him to manage emotions and have a sense of proportion
In life, do we often see such men? On the road, because there was a little rubbing with other cars, he broke his mouth and scolded; if he was a little unhappy in life, he threw a tantrum at his family. Such men are impulsive, irritable, irritable, and even if they are excellent, they will only make people stay away. The boy who is a real gentleman is not angry, but he does not lose his temper and pour his negative energy into others at will. Therefore, parents should try to create a harmonious and loving family atmosphere, and guide children to vent their emotions and manage their emotions when the boy is young. Boys should be like a little sun, always emitting a bright light, even in the face of difficulties and setbacks, still able to smile through.
Teach him to be assertive, not blindly obedient
German educationalists point out that boys' biggest dreams are: freedom, friendship and adventure. At the top of the list is freedom. And we often find that boys who grow up confident and independent, dare to express themselves, and have leadership skills often have a certain degree of freedom from an early age. If parents are too strict with boys, forcing him to be obedient and well-behaved, he is not only prone to psychological problems, but also difficult to become a great instrument when he grows up. Therefore, parents should give boys more choices, and encourage children to think more and express their views boldly. Give him the right to say "no". Never raise the boy into a "sheep", but a gentle and domineering "wolf".
#5
Every parent wants the boy in the family to be a popular little "gentleman": confident, sunny, cultivated, and the most dazzling presence in the crowd. But these qualities are not innate, and most of them are learned through the ears of parents. Parents are gentle and patient, boys can be considerate and kind; parents are thoughtful in words and deeds, boys can be humble and courteous; parents are tolerant and generous, boys can be independent and confident. Raising a boy is like planting a small tree, taking good care of him, giving him sunshine and rain and dew, he will always slowly sprout and finally grow into a towering tree. May our boys not only warm the sunshine and illuminate others with their own light, but also be confident and determined, respect themselves, not humble, not flustered, always warm and powerful