The truth of the rebellious period: parents who understand, children have been saved!

Raising children to adulthood is a long run, and we will encounter many difficulties and obstacles along the way. In the midst of all these obstacles, the period of rebellion may be a mountain on the road.

Looking up the definition of rebellious period on the Internet, it goes like this: "Adolescents are in a psychological transition period, their sense of independence and self-awareness is increasing, and they are eager to get rid of the guardianship of adults (especially parents). They object to their parents treating themselves as children and treating themselves as adults. In order to show their 'extraordinary', they also tend to be critical of everything. ”

Almost all parents have big prejudices about the rebellious period

The definition on the web is a little too specialized. I like to express it in the language that is closest to real life: what we usually call a rebellious period is a period when children are disobedient and self-assertive. Isn't that understandable? Does this understanding make you sound more profound?

So what kind of performance does every child have during the rebellious period? "Disobedient", "Learning without spirit", "Not active in doing things", "Returning home to play games desperately", "Reasoning does not work", "Oil and salt do not enter"... In our view, children who have not yet grown up sometimes feel that they are very reasonable everywhere, and they are working against us everywhere, that is, they do not obey, that is, they do not obey, which is the performance of the rebellious period.

From the perspective of parents, a well-behaved and docile child is of course more likable, obedience is the most important, let do what you do. At first glance, there seems to be nothing wrong with correcting the child's rebellion, after all, the child does differ from our expectations in some ways, or there are manifestations of disobedience in our view of education. But if you think about it, where does the child's rebellion come from? Should his rebellion be called "rebellion"?

Don't be gullible, and carefully understand the rebellious period

In a person's life, there are usually three rebellious periods, of which the first rebellious period is between 2.5 and 3 years old, the second rebellious period is between 7 and 9 years old, and the third rebellious period is between the child's 12 and 15 years old.

1. The first period of rebellion:

Terrible two years old or so

When the child is 2.5 to 3 years old, he will change from the previous "little obedient" to a helpless "little devil". He always likes to start with a "no" in everything, and his favorite thing is to respond by adding a "no" word before the instruction you say. He was already basically able to eat by himself, walk and run on his own, and by this time his vision began to broaden.

At this point, his head is rapidly constructing his own world, and his consciousness thinks that everything is his. So when he needs something, he will go straight to it, regardless of whether it is his. If this thing needs to be bought, or someone else's thing, his parents will stop him. And the consequence of stopping him is the crying of the child.

2. The second period of rebellion:

7-9 years old adults

The child will usher in a second rebellious period when he is 7-9 years old, which usually coincides with his elementary school years. Because the contrast between early childhood life and elementary school life is too great, children may have some uncomfortable performance.

As a result, parents began to use the "reasonable" and "urging" methods to ask their children to focus on learning. At this time, the child still hopes to live in the way he used to live, or he still needs adults very much, or he will not be shy in front of his parents, hoping that his parents will answer the things that confuse themselves. As a result, there will be some conflicts between parents and children.

3. The third period of rebellion:

12-15 years old wonderful puberty

Between the ages of 12 and 15, a child will also have a third rebellious period in his life, which usually accompanies the child's adolescence. The child's vision and insight at this time become more broad, and he will find that what he has learned is inconsistent with the society he sees. At this time, he began to try to understand school learning in a social way. This was more "reactionary" in the eyes of the "adults", so the adults began to "suppress". In the end, it will basically end with the child's helpless acceptance.

The above is basically what we usually think about the rebellious period of children. However, what is the truth about the so-called "rebellion"?

"Rebellion" is a definition of the contempt that adults at the top of the ladder despise children

The essence of rebellion begins with the origin of the term "rebellious period". In fact, the "rebellious period" first originated from a series of children's performances, which brought confusion to parents, which triggered anxiety, disappointment and helplessness, and finally parents made a definition of this: "rebellious period". In other words, the "rebellious period" is defined by the parents as the center, not the child.

When we define a "rebellious period," we subconsciously make another judgment: "These manifestations of the child are unreasonable."

There are two advantages to such a defined righteousness: one is that the period of rebellion is a period of time, and it has a beginning and an end. This carries the helplessness of parents about the status quo and the expectation that the status quo will improve. Another benefit is that rebellion is a problem for children, not parents. So parents can still treat their children the way they used to, waiting for their children to "change from evil to righteousness." This definition is really "just right".

However, if you are careful, you will find that the symptoms of the rebellious period are only present during these periods?

Are you sober about this problem? In fact, these symptoms have always existed, but when the problem develops to the point where the parents are helpless, we think that his "rebellious period" has arrived. That is, fundamentally, the period of rebellion does not have a specific manifestation. Some are simply the extreme exacerbation of these phenomena.

Speaking of which, have you ever found that the definition of a rebellious period is actually a "spiritual victory method" for parents? Since there is no way to solve it, give it a definition to prove that you are not at fault, and this result is reasonable, which is what it is.

The consequences of children in a rebellious period being "suppressed" by their parents

Knowing what "rebellion" is, let's take a look at what kind of results most parents will bring about by dealing with the rebellious period.

When the first rebellious period came, Mom and Dad could be said to be fully capable of solving it in terms of energy, ability, and will. Usually, we don't care too much. For the child's unreasonable demands, we either reject him and coax him at the same time, and teach him a lesson if we really can't see it, or we will satisfy him. The child will then react accordingly to our handling. Whether or not he is satisfied, these two practices of parents will bring the child to the first deep-rooted conclusion: "My life is determined by others."

During the second rebellious period, Mom and Dad are usually confused. When his child's bad performance and unreasonable demands appear at this time, the parents usually deal with it by reasoning to dismiss the child's request. At this point, the child's heart begins to plant a seed that "all my wishes must be reasonable." ”

When the third period of rebellion comes, the child is already in adolescence. During this period, parents are generally more confused. Because the child basically no longer takes the initiative to make his own demands, but directly acts. Mom and Dad usually only have a chance to deal with it after the fact, but it's too late.

Even if we warn the child beforehand, the child will say "I know" and "I know to do this". Then, he still went his own way, so adults began to complain that the child was unreasonable and did not keep his promises. Eventually, the child's rebellion will cause unprecedented unity between parents and parents, and finally be forcibly suppressed by the army of parents. Children will reap the rewards of this rebellious period, "In the face of reality, I am too small."

According to the above ways to deal with, the child after three rebellious periods, he will learn these truths -

My life is not decided by myself!

My request must be reasonable!

I am so small in front of reality!

When the child thinks that life is not decided by himself, he begins to complain that his environment is not good, that he has been treated unfairly, and that he has been wronged;

When the child thinks that all actions must be reasonable, his first consideration in the face of opportunities is not whether he needs them, but how difficult it is. When he sees difficulties, he always receives sighs;

When a child decides that he is so small, he becomes unconfident. He is more willing to listen to other people's arrangements than to take responsibility for his own initiative. Is that right?

These are the results that we may call these periods of the child "rebellious period" and treat the child's performance in the way of the rebellious period. Are you satisfied?

I believe that of course you want your children to be confident, energetic, responsible and responsible. However, you still unconsciously treat your children the way you did before, so why?

There are actually two reasons for doing this:

First, you have been treated this way before, so you inherit the experience of your parents treating you and use it on your children;

Second, doing so is the least costly because you haven't paid a direct price.

The reason this is the least costly is that you don't see the real cost, which is the future life of your child. Of course, this is also a compulsory course for children throughout their lives. That's what he needs to face, but you still have a chance to make him grow better. Isn't that the case?

In the face of such an outcome, if there were better options, would you treat your child in a whole new way?

The root cause of all the manifestations of the rebellious period is that the parents are preconceived, making decisions for all the actions of the child, and becoming the gatekeeper of the child's life. These lead to a lack of creativity in the child's life, so the parents and the child have a fierce dialogue about the initiative in life.

To solve the rebellion confusion, we first need to redefine the rebellion period.

Period of rebellion = period of exploration

Why rebel? Because children are eager to be recognized by the adult world, eager to show the world through rebellious behavior that they have grown up, are no longer children in the eyes of their parents, and are no longer "pawns" that can be manipulated at will.

The child has always been an independent individual, but he needs our upbringing and guardianship. So, for the child, he has the ability to create his own life. Therefore, he has the right to make his own demands and the right to make decisions according to his own wishes. It's just that when the resources he has are not exhausted, as a parent you have the right to satisfy or reject him. However, whether it's satisfying or rejecting, we need to make him realize that this is his own life and that he needs to put in the effort for it.

So, when we redefine the rebellious period with our new attitude, we can call it the "exploration period." During each of the three exploration periods, children will explore:

What's in My World?

What can I get?

What can I do?

When we treat our children at these stages with a new attitude, we will be surprised to find that children gradually become confident, sunny and responsible.

Although they are not mature, they should be treated as mature people. As parents, the only thing we have to do is to maintain our adult status and respect the independence of our children. We allow the child to make his own demands and encourage him to have better wishes. We create a relaxed and positive environment for our children to grow up and make him 100% committed to his wishes. At the same time, even if we disagree, we motivate our children to stick to their choices.

There is such a story:

The two soon-to-be-grown children separately asked their parents to move outside. The father of a child said: What? There is no room for you at home, so stay for me.

The father of another child said, "Good! Do you need any help from me?" Who knows, the result is just the opposite, the father who opposes the child moving out not only failed to prevent the child from leaving the family, but also had a deep conflict with the child. The father who supported the child to move out instead kept the child.

The reason for this unexpected result is that the first child heard his father stop him so arbitrarily and felt that it was not interesting at home, and it was better to move out earlier. The other child is completely different, when he proposed to move out, the father not only did not stop, but asked him what he needed, which made him feel the warmth of affection, felt that it was actually very good at home, so he decided not to move out.

It can be seen that the child has independent ideas and desires to get rid of his dependence on his parents, which is actually a gratifying thing, if he relies on his parents for everything, it is a worrying thing!

There are also many parents who worry that such education will not be indulgence, let it do whatever it wants. In fact, we don't have to worry at all about our children being unchecked, and as the previous example shows, true restraint doesn't necessarily require power or majesty.

Because children are struggling to grow up, they need others to identify with their roles the most, which is the formation of self-concepts and the enlightenment stage of thoughts, so they are most susceptible to influence.

Therefore, in the face of children's rebellion, the most important thing is to recognize the truth of the facts; It's not who rebels, at best, just a stubborn child quietly "leaves" us. Of course we feel pain, but anger is unnecessary.

If he is going in the right direction, we should be optimistic in the mood of the messenger of life; if he strays into the abyss of depravity, we should immediately rush over and climb up with him.

Dear parents, are you willing to respect your child's independent personality and accompany your child's healthy growth?

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