Children who don't have needs are not growing children.
Children who don't cling to it, not children with ideas.
After the child finds that he is an independent individual, he will explore the unknown through tasting, running, crying, etc., and also achieve the result of trial and error through "doing it against the other".
Life is a constant attempt to find the right results in mistakes, and children are the same. If parents do not know how to communicate with their children, but only suppress them with their identities, the children will be "yielded and oppressed" for a long time, and they will naturally begin to "sing the opposite tone".
Parents should learn to look at the problem from the child's point of view, to understand the reason why they do this, and then respect the child's personality, establish a relationship of trust, try to communicate, and solve the problem together.
A mom left a message to share this story:
When I was tutoring my daughter in math, there was a sudden moment when I seemed to jump out of my own body and see the child itself, and I suddenly felt that I was cruel:
The daughter in front of me is only 6 years old, a little girl who occasionally plays in my arms, but because she can't solve the formula, I always compare her with other children in my heart, thinking about how people are so smart, verbal and mental arithmetic, and she also has to count her fingers, and forget what she just said. I was angry with her for this and couldn't help but want to yell at her.
But at the moment when I jumped out, I deeply felt that I was just a child in front of me, a child who was exposed to mathematical equations for the first time, how could I ask her according to the adult thinking that we had studied mathematics for more than ten years? Without giving her time to digest slowly, it is concluded that she is not careful and smart? How can I demand her by the standards of a perfect child in my expectations?
Many times, it is our expectations, authority, and control as parents that cause conflict between us and our children. In fact, what children really need is that we can accompany them peacefully in every moment.
Speaking of understanding children from the child's point of view, today, I especially want to talk about the topic of "stubbornness". I see a lot of messages about the child's "stubborn" behavior, especially the child is in opposition to his parents in everything, you tell him to eat, he does not eat, you ask him to brush his teeth, he does not brush, you ask him to collect toys, he resolutely does not accept. These behaviors are also often an important trigger for mothers to get angry.
Here, I want to say to you, if your child starts saying "no", congratulations, because the child's sense of self is beginning to develop, which is an important milestone in their growth.
2-3-year-old children begin to develop self-awareness and like to say "no" and "I". As parents, we need to understand that when a child says "no," they don't mean to oppose us. In general, the child's behavior is not directed at us. When the child says "no," it shows his insistence on making his own decisions.
From the child's point of view, saying "no" has to do with the fact that he feels like an increasingly capable individual, with independence and curiosity, with expecting achievement and growing courage to make decisions about things.
So, without compromising safety, health, and the rights of others, children are allowed to say "no." On a more level, a child's saying "no" has a positive meaning, and it is a sign that the child develops an independent personality. If we don't allow the child to say "no" now, by the time he is a teenager, he will not be able to refuse unreasonable requests from his peers or others.
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Children often rebel against the cause
First of all, we need to know that the more resistant the child is from an early age, the more judgmental he is. A German child psychologist followed up on 100 groups of 2-5-year-olds with strong and no sense of resistance. By adolescence, 85 per cent of children found to be strong-willed and judgmental have grown into strong-willed, high-judgmental young people, while only 24 percent of children without a sense of leverage have developed into strong-willed children, and most of them are young people who have no judgment and rely on others for survival.
Secondly, we must also realize that adult behavior is more convincing than language, and there is a reason why children take adults' words as if they were bystanders - adults talk too naggingly. When children can understand the words of adults and begin to understand a little thing, adults become nagging. The child had to cover his ears and not listen, defending himself.
If a child knocks over the cup, the adult begins to blame. One way to escape conflict: The child has to avoid conflict with adults as if he had not spilled a cup. If you don't listen, you won't be bothered, and there will be no conflict.
Observing parents' angry reactions with refusal to listen is one way to test the authority of parents and the extent of their children's autonomy. For example, when an adult says, "I've told you three times, and you haven't picked it up yet," the child doesn't listen, in order to test the extent of the parents' authority.
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6 tips for treating your baby's stubbornness
● To open your child's ears, first listen to your child's voice. Parents do not realize that they often ignore their children's demands. A child's requirements may be insignificant to adults, but important to him. Children are not clear due to their limited ability, and adults do not have the patience to listen. This can make the child feel frustrated and disrespected. If adults can often listen to their children's requests, children are unlikely to refuse to listen to their orders.
● Adults' requirements for children should be realistic. Adults often make some requests to children that children do not understand, or make too many, too complex or unclear requirements at a time, which is difficult for children to achieve.
● Do not give orders at the other end of the room or with your back to the child, but face the child, preferably crouching down and speaking at the same level, so that the child has a sense of intimacy and respect.
● The command should be simple and kind. Children at this age have a short attention span, so the adult's instructions should be clear and easy to understand.
● If the child does not respond to the request the adult says, there is another way to get his attention - to move the child's body. If you ask your child to eat lunch, and the child just plays and ignores him, you can pick him up and take him back to the table. If he is hurting others and does not heed the advice, he should immediately stop his behavior and take him away. Be friendly and don't forcibly drag your child away.
● When your child is willing to listen to you, praise and show more concern and attention, such as saying, "I will come to dinner as soon as I call you, I am very happy, thank you." ”
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Important Reminder
Children are 2 to 5 years old is in the period of self-enlightenment, they begin to use their brains to think about problems, observe things, if at this time to suppress the child's resistance, or eliminate its resistance factors, but will limit the child's ability to think independently, on the contrary, should respect the child's personality. For example, at home, we must first find out the reasons for the child's daily acceptance or resistance to the teachings of the elders, and list the situations in which the child is unreasonable or inappropriate in a timely manner, and do not give him the opportunity to lose his temper and borrow the topic to play.
A fixed time every day, alone with him, to exchange their activities and feelings for the day, it is best not to have a third party present. Usually, when parents find that their educational methods are wrong, they should frankly apologize to their children. As long as the parents have a good attitude and the method is appropriate, the child will also open up to you in the inner world, do this step, and then prescribe the right medicine, and the effect will be naturally much faster.
Parenthood, like everything else, requires tireless effort, planning and proper problem solving. It's a responsibility, but it can also be fun and rewarding. Be a happy parent!
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