That day, a friend and I were discussing the New Year's affairs, because Guangzhou is a low-risk area, so this year's New Year's greeting should not be saved, so my friend complained that those relatives who actually see each other once a year must ask her again, when to get married? When to have a baby?
My friend is a very assertive girl, she has been with her boyfriend for five years, and the two of them are getting more and more tacit understanding, that is, not getting married. Even if it is to give an explanation to the families on both sides, it is okay to get married, but not to have children, not to plan to buy a house, to save all the money, and the two people travel the world.
Chatting and talking, she asked me a question, she is only 30 years old, is it possible that getting married and having children become a task she must complete?
Today's tweet, I will forward to this friend, at the same time, I think it is also an answer to the 27-year-old still do not want to get married and have children.
Do you have to be on the life list when you get married and have children?
Recently, I have a new discovery, that is, our sensitivity to age is no longer the 7-9 digits on the ID card, nor the candle number on the birthday cake every year, but the people around me have begun to discuss "who is married in your class", "who is who in your school who has a second child"...
These people and things that are far away from us remind us that it is time to check the current progress of life.
Also, are there any such phenomena around you, those who used to say "get married and have children before the age of 25", generally not married by the age of 30, and may even be single. Many of the friends who used to say "no desire to get married" are already married and may have children in school.
Anyway, I think there are still many such examples around. However, why marry and have children, or to put it bluntly, the combination of two people, which in my opinion should be a natural occurrence, will actually make modern people fall into the dilemma of "choosing one of the two".
Now, if you brush a social software at random, you will probably find that the girls who attract everyone's attention are nothing more than two categories, one is smart and beautiful, and the other is smart and beautiful, successful in career, and can also have a happy family.
As a woman, I think it's good that more and more content is starting to express female consciousness. However, there are always some social media that are fueling the trend, pushing to promote a kind of comparison psychology, making you feel that "it seems that a nearly perfect woman will be favored."
Then, without any reason, women have a lot more to pursue: wisdom, beauty, career, love, family. These things seem to have become a compulsory course in life, and there will be various dynamic moments around you to remind you of what credits you still need to fix.
But, back to reality, life under the lens, who can really complete these credits?
First of all, I think that career and family are the two things that are most prone to exclusion. Careers, certainly not overnight, need to be accumulated over a long period of time, unless you are a genius. But even if it is a genius, it is easy to start a business and difficult to keep, it still needs to invest a lot of time and energy to maintain and accumulate.
If the above statement was said by me in front of my relatives during the Spring Festival, then someone will definitely jump out and say, "Getting married and having children while working, there is no conflict, we have also come this way."
Theoretically, there is no conflict, but non-conflict must be based on certain premises.
For example, your working hours can be freely arranged by yourself, which means that you may be running your own business, or you are working in an entrepreneurial company, otherwise, the regular working hours will become one of the reasons for the imbalance between your career and family.
For example, if the family has the financial ability to ask someone to take care of the child, otherwise, if everything is done by hand, then the housework and child care alone is enough to exhaust people's energy. This is also why many mothers say that after having a child, they feel that they have slowly lost themselves.
There is also a statement that I am also against, that is, "when parents have children young, they can help take care of them."
What is the rationale for this? Anyway, personally, I am disgusted by this kind of remarks. Where can parents be young? What's more, I always thought that my parents' responsibility was only me, and when I was brought up, I completed the task, and then I should live my life comfortably.
Back to today's question, must getting married and having children be on the life list?
Instead, I think that in this era of freedom and equality, some public opinion seems to be overriding women's right to choose, and this is the real problem.
A few days ago, I even saw the news that some people suggested that whether they get married and have children should be included in the calculation standard of pension. If this idea is agreed, it is also terrible.
There is no problem with caring about the birth rate, but it does not preclude a person's right to make his own choices.
Get married and have children, go with the flow, and if you don't get married and have children, you shouldn't be labeled.
Although my friend and I have no plans to get married and have children at this stage, it does not mean that we will not change this idea in the future. And around us, in fact, there are still many friends who are longing for marriage and family.
Therefore, I think that in this era of freedom and equality, we should pay more attention to ourselves, manage our physical and mental health, and do what we can, rather than being keen to deprive others of the right to make choices.
Getting married or not, having children or not, has never been the crux of the matter. The point is that we need to understand that every road has its beauty and tossing, and it doesn't matter whether the choice is right or wrong.
The only terrible thing is that when you're walking this path, you look back at the path you didn't choose.
Alain has a sentence in "On Happiness": "Man would rather have his own fate than have his fate determined by time."
Perhaps, we should remember that we always have a choice, make a decision, and boldly meet the happiness and sadness behind the choice.
In life, there is always a problem
It will bother you
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We can always choose the life we want
In 2022
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【Ideal Life Restructuring Proposal】