Little Daddy D was abused by his daughter again, and today he will tell you this story.
Some time ago, her father was on a business trip and came back with a gift for Little D. From the time the gentleman entered the door and came home, he began to lay the groundwork, set up suspense, and hung up his appetite, so that Little D knew that there would be a gift.
Finally the gift was taken out, and after Little D took it, he said lightly, thank you Dad. And then do whatever you want.
I watched all this quietly, and unconsciously in my head I heard "cold ice rain slapping randomly on my face" (I promise, it's not because I didn't receive a gift)
Sure enough, I looked at my husband like a deflated leather ball, and went alone to pack his suitcase.
Sir is an extremely extroverted man, I understand, what he is expecting should be, little D and his happy and excited voice out loud, Dad, I love you! I super loved it!
Such a performance, Little D has indeed had it, but in the face of this gift, it has not.
The family spent the whole morning quietly, but I did not expect that in the afternoon, the loss of the husband could not be resolved.
Finally did not hold back, just and little D said, your performance in the morning in the face of my gift to you, let dad a little uncomfortable, feel that you do not like this carefully selected gift for you.
The gentleman went on to say that the gift was an expression of gratitude, indicating that Dad was still thinking of you when he was on a business trip. So shouldn't you respond enthusiastically? This is also the embodiment of gratitude.
(You look at us adults, obviously our own needs are not met, and we don't always have to deal with the problem of children.)
As I watched the changes, I was waiting for another "love and killing" between my daughter's slave father and my daughter to arrive, and I was ready to do mediation work.
Unexpectedly, little D was not annoyed that day, but looked at his father and said, Dad, I really don't like this gift so much. But I also said thank you when I accepted the gift. Do I need to pretend?
To be honest, this answer is not to say sir, it is also something I never expected.
At the moment, the gentleman paused, did not refute and did not answer, raised his eyes and made a look at me, and said softly, this answer is also a different idea Oh ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
As a person who has experienced many battles on the road to raising Little D, I really have to admit that I thought of the beginning and did not guess the end.
It was over, but it started me thinking about it for a long time.
1
Do gifts from others have to be liked?
This is the first question I think about, do gifts from others have to express like?
To be honest, it is not The answer of Little D I have never thought about this question, because in my childhood family education, receiving gifts from others, even if you don't like it, you need to express your liking, this is my parents gave me tutoring.
But this tutor was "lost" on my side, and I did not deliberately emphasize this to Little D.
From an early age, after Little D receives a gift, a key point of our education is that we need to politely express our gratitude for the gift to others.
As for the next step, whether we need to give back enthusiastically or show affection, I assumed at the time that this is one of the choices that children naturally make.
Although the reason is understood, but touching the conscience to say, if this matter is placed on yourself, if you really encounter a cold response from a child, you will still be lost.
And after the loss of getting it will rise to the level that the child is not educated? No gratitude? No manners?
So, I decided to talk to Little D.
Later, one night, while talking to Little D Night, I talked about Dad's gifts.
I told Little D that Mom and Dad are very busy this year and have to travel from time to time. When we travel on business, we miss Little D, sometimes we miss it too much, and wherever we go and see something, we can't help but think of you.
So we'll buy it and take it home for you, and that's the gift. The gift is not just an object, but it is saying for us, I love you, I miss you!
In the past, my mother told you that receiving a gift from someone else to say thank you is actually not complete. Think about it, if this gift is saying, I love you, I miss you, how do you think it should be better to respond?
Little D smiled without the slightest hesitation and said, I miss you too, I love you too! He also leaned over and kissed me.
I immediately picked up the words, yes, so Dad said last time, very lost, can you understand?
Little D paused for a moment and said, I understand, Dad is embarrassed to say, he misses me, but he wants me to say, I miss him, right? That's the meaning of the gift he gave me.
I gave her a firm nod.
Then, little D immediately stopped sleeping, jumped out of bed, ran to the outhouse to find her dad, gave dad a big hug, and said to dad, Dad, thank you for the gift, I love you too!
Only then did I happily come back to sleep.
Of course, you can also think of the little D father of the daughter slave, who was satisfied that night, not to mention how happy he was.
The gift of the daughter's slave father is really over.
And this little episode made me more determined, politeness and upbringing need to be educated, but liking this thing is subjective judgment and should not be educated.
But I should focus on helping Little D better understand the heart and value behind the gift.
2
Be yourself and social standards
However, my reflections did not end.
My upbringing has always been "the greatest freedom within the rules", and as she grew up, I began to find that the rhythm of her "self" development and "social expectations" did not match.
To say that there is no moment of self-doubt is certainly false.
Every time I doubt myself, I go back to the root of the problem.
For example, what is the origin of this matter?
Didn't I have a rude child?
Nor is it that the parenting method I chose before is wrong?
What's more, am I giving Little D too much freedom?
But these were indeed the questions that flashed through me at the time, and they were the source of my self-doubt.
So what is the real origin? After thinking about it for a while, I think it is our understanding of "social rules" as parents.
I think "social rules" are not just for everyone, but on the contrary, they are good for everyone.
For example, when I tell Little D kindergarten to take a nap and ride the carousel to queue up, I tell her that this is the rule.
I would tell her that it was also an "invitation" and that when she joined, when she was tired and wanted to sleep, there would be other people who would join the convention to make sure she could also enjoy a quiet environment.
It's also a kind of "fairness", so that everyone, whether tall, fat, thin, strong or weak, can sit on the carousel they want to sit on as quickly as possible.
It can be seen that behind every "social expectation" is love, and not just driven by authority and intimidation.
After I understood this, I suddenly became enlightened.
So just like this time, and every time I go, whenever I find that Little D's "self" and "social expectations" are disconnected, I drive with "love" instead of "fear."
I'll try to get her to understand what the "love" behind this is; I'll help her empathize with the "love" she can get in doing so.
Then naturally, she can develop the habit of understanding and appreciating this love, be able to communicate well with the enforcer of the rules, and be more willing to follow the rules.
And looking back, for me, it also integrates my three views. Let me understand that many of the rules in this society are essentially for "love", not for "oppression".
This change of perspective not only healed my childhood, but also opened up my pattern, which in turn gave my parenting more gentle power.
The regiment is in progress, ending tomorrow
Big J nagged
Are you like me, counting down to the arrival of the Spring Festival?
Last week I met with our team, all year round everyone "cloud" office, the whole year is the first time to meet, eat and chat team building plus year-end debriefing, really super happy.
At home, many New Year goods and decorations have been purchased, and Xiao D and his own New Year clothes are also in place, and they are still buying New Year gifts.
Oh, and found a "hidden" New Year's gift box for everyone. Because the price is too low, dare not push in the public number, community recommendations have been complained about several times, tonight it was removed (I can't disclose what brand it is).
If you want to see it, you can scan the code and add the squad leader Oh, practical and affordable, whether it is from staying at home to play together, or the Spring Festival is very suitable.
I feel inspired by the article
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