There was an essay for elementary school students circulating on the Internet, titled "My mother is a useless middle-aged woman."
The child's truth is heartfelt:
My mother does not go to work, and usually likes to play cards and watch brain-dead TV dramas, scolding while watching, and sometimes crying.
She couldn't do anything well, the food she cooked was super unpalatable, the house was a mess, and everywhere was not clean.
She obviously can't do anything well, she knows how to play all day long, and she is tired every day, saying that it is all for me, and she is about to die of exhaustion.
The classmates who play with me, Xiaoqing's mother can drive, she can't; Xiaolin's mother will accompany Xiaolin to play table tennis, she won't; Xiaoyu's mother can draw; Yaoyao's mother's clothes are beautiful...
I was envious of dying, but she wouldn't do anything. I think my mom is a useless middle-aged woman.
01
The child has been injured,
And I didn't know it
To tell the truth, as a fifth-grade mother, I confidently read this letter to my baby, there is no harm without comparison, and it is intended to make him feel blessed in the blessing.
Who knows, the heart is pierced.
After listening to this composition of her peers, Wa came with a humorous sentence:
"Every time you criticize me, I only need to defend one sentence, and you can take out and say everything that happened before, and I am not tired of it, and I am also hurt." 」
When he finished, his expression was quite hurt.
It can be seen that this model has always been a hard wound in our good parent-child relationship.
I didn't realize it before he said it, but after he said it, I was a little aggrieved inside.
Until one night, I asked him to wash his face and brush his teeth and go to bed, he said "immediately", and five minutes later, he still couldn't bear to put down the book in his hand, and he had no intention of acting.
I was furious: "How long is your horse?" ”
"Isn't that coming?" His tone was clearly resistant.
I bottomed out and bounced back:
"I'm right here right now.
Think about it in another way, if it is something I promised you, I said that I would immediately honor it, but I would delay in acting, what was your reaction?
Last time, because of the toys I bought for you, I arrived a day late, what did you nag about?
You can't be a person with a set of standards for others and a set of standards for yourself..."
Especially seeing the impatient expression on his face, I was even more angry, and I chased all the way to the bathroom, still denouncing, and the pitch gradually strengthened.
Then, I remembered what he had said when I read this composition of my peers to him that day, and I stopped my mouth decisively.
Think about the way you chased after him, was he preaching, or was he venting his anger?
Obviously, the latter has more ingredients.
guilt!
In compensation, I allowed him to sleep ten minutes late at night, read him two articles, and whispered to him when I said "goodnight":
"I apologize to you for what my mother just did, and the next time I talk about it, you can stop me or criticize me."
The baby's eye circles were red, and she put her arms around my neck:
"Mom, good night, I love you."
How afraid he would take revenge, would close his inner world to me, and would be disgusted.
02
Raise them for a lifetime,
But losing them is only for an instant
After this incident, I gave my son a task to do an interview with the 37 children in the class, and the theme was:
"At what moment did you deeply dislike your parents?"
At the same time, I also made the same small question among the children between the ages of 10 and 15 around me.
The answers collected are colorful, but they are heartfelt.
Xiaoyi (11 years old): My mother checked my father's mobile phone in front of me, peeked at it without saying a word, and then, on her toes, quarreled with my father.
(Words in the child's heart: At that moment, I saw her lack of confidence and sunshine.) But she taught me all day to be sunny and confident. ）
Xiao Xiao (11 years old): Going to the park, my mother bought a child ticket for me who was already 1 meter 45 high, and said to me: When checking the ticket for a while, you bend over.
(Words from the child's heart: I have been beaten a lot for lying, and she is so dishonest in her own way.) ）
Xiao Jia: (13 years old): When Dad called the customer, his mouth was full of good words and good sentences, but his driver only came five minutes late, and he scolded the ugly words. Sitting in the car, I didn't dare to look at the driver's uncle's face, so I wanted to cry!
(Words in the child's heart: Dad often told me that he should be polite and tolerant, but how did he do it himself? ）
Xiao Tong (15 years old): My grandmother gave me 500 yuan a year to press the old age money, but my mother let me tell my grandmother from the beginning of my understanding: Grandma gave me two thousand. Then, Grandma gave me 2,000 yuan a year.
(Words in the child's heart: This year, I refused, and I said to my mother: If you let me say two thousand more, I will explain everything that happened in the previous few years to my grandmother.) My mother told me to be a liar, and I lied to my own grandmother, and I will never forget it. ）
Xiao Di (14): My mother looked for coins in her bag, found nine horns, and then took the bus and threw them in. After taking a seat, he said to me: Is your mother particularly witty!
(I replied in my heart: Your dignity is worth a dime.) ）
Xiaowen (12 years old): My father came home drunk, took out 200 yuan from his bag, and said to my mother: Come, sing "Acacia in the Wind and Rain" with me...
(Words in the child's heart: Since then, he has criticized me again, and I have never accepted it in my heart.) With this virtue of his own, what qualifications did he have to educate me. ）
Serena (13): My mother usually does not trim the edges, and when she first came to the parent-teacher conference, she was full of oil, and she was dressed like correcting the wrong question.
……
The details from life are invincible, 50 children, 50 kinds of heart-wrenching moments.
In the conversation with these children, I was really shocked by their heartfelt words.
Children's eyes are shining, and their hearts are like mirrors.
When they were photographed by their parents at 360 degrees without dead ends, the parents were also more accurate, more detailed and more sensitive in their panoramic scans.
It may take a lifetime to raise them, but losing them is often a small thing.
When parents are burned out because of their children's inappropriate words and deeds, and even punch and kick together, we also ignore one thing:
When we are at odds with each other, they are incapable of inflicting verbal and physical violence on us, but they silently impose another punishment—silent contempt.
The real loss does not begin with them going to college and forming their own little family, but from the moment the child is disappointed in his parents.
From then on, centrifugal detachment, locking of the door of the heart, and parting without saying goodbye.
03
"The child is not ugly"
Wake up, it's all adults who lie to themselves!
In interviews with 50 children, Xiaowen (pseudonym) has the most heartfelt story.
He has a "ghost-like" dad.
The so-called fraudulent corpse is usually never cared about the child, and occasionally the whim is managed once, most of which is a stormy criticism.
The vice president of a foreign company in Wen Dad's family is usually busy with work to sleepless, and Xiao Wen's daily life is taken care of by her mother full-time.
Occasionally, Wen Dad has time to get along with Xiao Wen, and he will pick out the child's N more mistakes.
The way you eat, the unsatisfactory results, the cowardice of your character...
In short, first criticize, talk, and start to get angry.
Then, he successfully transferred the anger to Xiaowen's mother.
"Can't you take a child without working?"
"Waste! The money I give you in a month, even if you pay to hire people, is more successful than your education! ”
"I can't get used to your words and demeanor, and good children will let you be ruined!"
At first, Xiaowen also sympathized with his mother who was degraded by his father, but for a long time, every time he was denounced by his father's "fraudulent corpse", Xiaowen would also take out his mother.
The most collapsed one, his mother picked him up ten minutes late from school, and after Xiaowen got into the car, he kept counting down his mother:
"You don't have to go to work, will you pick me up late?"
"What else do you say you can do?"
"My dad was right, you're a piece of crap."
"My dad gives you so much money every month, you can't dress yourself decently, drive a Mercedes benz every day and wait at the school gate, and your classmates think you're our nanny..."
Xiao Wen's words made her mother sad.
She first shed tears, then cried, but Xiaowen did not seem to be ready to let her go, and still expressed his dissatisfaction in humiliating language.
Finally, Xiaowen's mother beat the steering wheel to death and rushed towards the opposite lane.
It collided with a taxi, then knocked a pedestrian down, and finally the car hit a wall and stopped.
Although Xiaowen and her mother were only slightly injured, after this incident, Xiaowen began to have serious psychological problems and had to take a break from school and be admitted to the hospital for treatment, and Wen's mother was also receiving counseling from a psychologist.
One thing she insists on is that when she recovers, she must go out to work!
Even if she goes to work as a cleaner, she must have a job that can support herself, rather than being a parasitic "waste" that in the eyes of her husband and children, they can take out of anger anytime and anywhere.
"Children are not ugly mothers" are all lies.
A dependent woman, no matter how much she pays, in exchange for the disdain of her husband and children.
Only by becoming the best version of yourself and living out your own value can you become a mother who is at least not disliked by her children.
This is Mother Wen's most painful realization.
How the husband abandons the wife, the child hates the mother!
Parents in the world, it is time to delete the phrase "children are not ugly mothers" from their minds.
In fact, more often, "mother is not ugly" is the truth of life.
04
Since when did it start?
Parents lose the respect of their children?
Many parents do not understand how they lost the respect of their children overnight.
The intimate period of childhood has not yet ended, and his own heart-tip baby has entered the rebellious "adolescence" without stopping.
In the conversation with these 50 children, I found that there is no overnight, day long can be angry, can see the heart, can also be disgusted.
A small loss of morality by parents is an earthquake-like disillusionment for children.
When it comes to their parents, they are perfectionists who have no reason to speak of.
The phlegm that parents spit out everywhere, a rough treatment of others, a disorganized behavior, etc., will make them easily give the label of "uncultured".
Since then, there has been a rebellion against the high standards and strict requirements given by my parents - you have not done it yourself, why should you ask me!
Those lost respects are like spilled water.
Once the parents lose faith and morality in the eyes of their children, it not only means that the prestige is lost and the beginning of rebellion, but also means the secondary growth of the child after losing the example.
A kind of child will re-sample in life, such as looking for realistic role models and spiritual sustenance in books, teachers, classmates, and star chasing.
There is also a kind of child who, after the collapse of the idol, breaks the jar and falls, becoming an imitator of the bad words and deeds of the parents, and imitating it one by one.
For example, xiaowen mentioned above, after a domestic violence against his mother by his father, because the female class leader confiscated the toys he took to school, she was furious and punched the little girl to the ground!
Then he strangled the neck of the other party with both hands, and even the class teacher who arrived was deeply afraid:
"I've never seen a child so desperate!"
There are parents with different appearances, there will be children who are divided in words and deeds, how adults live, how children grow up.
05
A handsome cover up the ugly!
A shortcut to parenthood
Born as human beings, which of us has no shortcomings, are not all to be nakedly rejected by children?
This is not the case.
Among the 50 children interviewed, there were also "parental iron fans." ”
To sum up, if you want to "not be ugly to your mother", you need parents to be able to "cover up a hundred ugliness with one handsomeness.". ”
11-year-old Conan: My dad took me on the Sichuan-Tibet Line, very cattle X!
11-year-old Hao Xixi: My mother is the best teacher in the world, and her students call her the boss.
14-year-old Lin Xiaole: Grandma was very ill, very serious, and her mother gave all the family's savings to her father, saying that she was not enough to think of a way. Dad shed tears, and I cried too. At that time, I felt that my mother was so atmospheric and loving, and then, I gave my own piggy bank to my father. Then we both cried and felt so happy.
15-year-old Jiang Zhuang: Every time I have a parent-teacher meeting, as soon as my mother appears, the children in my class are all bright. Like my dad said, your mom is not the most beautiful woman in the world, but the most exquisite woman in life. When I grow up, I also want to marry a girl who lives a delicate life like my mother.
14-year-old Qu Yi: My mother wrote beautiful articles, and as a result, I inherited her talent, and the compositions I wrote were always read by the teacher as a model text, and I was proud to have such a mother.
12-year-old Lin Lexue: My grades have always been bad, but every time my mother says: You try your best. But my table mates were not so lucky, every time I didn't do well in the exam, the next day I came to school, and I had a piece of blue and a piece of purple on my arm.
13-year-old Li Shengnan: Every Saturday, my father takes me to play table tennis, and his smashing action is so handsome!
You see!
Losing them is only a moment - a misdeed, that is, a parent-child relationship quietly ends.
And to win them, it doesn't seem so hard – an obvious advantage is that you can successfully circle the fans and let them be your lifelong iron fans.
Being blocked, or being idolized, is just a thought.
The difficulty is that we think that as parents, we naturally have the right to dictate to them.
But they believe that being born as a human being is only the right and wrong of things, the difference between being superior and inferior, and there is no distinction between big and small;
The difficulty is that we want to be high parents, but they take the example that we look up to at the moment.
Possessing them is a natural volatilization of personality charm;
Losing them is not the end of the parent-child relationship, but the door of their heart is "idle people are exempted" from us.
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