The full text of the | totals 2083 words, and the reading time is about 3 minutes
I saw a message: Grandma scraped the face of a 10-month-old baby, causing his face to fester. I immediately opened it to see the details, and it turned out that the child was coughing and having repeated fevers.
Because of her distress for her granddaughter, the grandmother used a silver ring and egg whites to scrape the child's forehead and face. The wish of the elderly is very simple, hoping that through this "soil method", children can help alleviate discomfort.
However, for a 10-month-old baby girl, the face is so delicate! And this method of gua sha needs to vary from person to person in adults, especially children. Doctors say: If the damage is serious, the bacteria may run into the bloodstream, causing sepsis.
I believe that when I hear the three words "sepsis", a large wave of old people will no longer use the "soil method" to "cure" the child!
Do you still dare to let the old man take the baby?
A friend who was just 11 weeks pregnant said in a chat: I will quit my job after a while, and I will take the child myself.
I asked her, "Didn't the in-laws come to help long ago?" ”
She said: "I don't trust them to bring, my children have to bring their own, they can give financial support." ”
"Your job is so good, it's a shame to quit." Thinking of my friend's annual salary of 300,000, I can't help but feel a little sorry for her.
"It is a pity, but I am not at ease to bring it to the elderly, I miss the growth of my children, and I may also be spoiled out of a lot of bad diseases." The friend said truthfully.
As a passer-by, I was perfectly able to understand my friend's thoughts. In today's society, the negative news of the elderly with babies is endless. The old man takes the child to run a red light, resulting in being knocked off; the old man dotes on, the child has no rules; the old man takes the baby, the child stabs others with a wooden sword... All kinds of news are showing: the elderly with babies have great drawbacks. However, while young people complain about the drawbacks of the elderly with their babies, they ignore a question: Are the old people happy with their babies?
The happiness index of the elderly with children is low
The latest research shows that grandparents who do not take care of their grandchildren are happiest, and grandparents who take care of their grandchildren are the least happy.
The old saying goes" "next generation", so shouldn't the elderly be very willing to take children? Why is the happiness index low? There are three reasons for this:
1. Double consumption of physical strength and energy
Before my brother and sister were 3 years old, I basically brought them myself. As a young mom, bringing children is a physical job. It's okay when they can't go, but they worry all the time after they leave, whether their every move is dangerous.
And this is even more difficult for the elderly. Some children are naughty, and the elderly still have to follow behind, so in the process of taking care of children, it is a test for the physical strength and energy of the elderly.
2. There is no private space
The neighbor Mrs. Wang once complained to me that after her in-laws returned home, one of them was lying on the bed playing with her mobile phone, and the other was going out to dance square dance, and there was a conflict over this.
In fact, for the elderly, they spend almost a lifetime of time for their children, and when they are old, in order to reduce the burden on their children, they also have to help bring their children, resulting in no private space, and their original social connection will be reduced.
Tips: People at every age need to have their own private space.
Third, the pressure brought about by the difference between educational concepts and life concepts
Young people often have conflicts with the elderly, and the root cause of the contradiction is caused by the difference between educational concepts and life concepts. Old people with babies will continue to use the old way, because their children also grow up in this way.
But this is not the case for young people who have been exposed to new ideas, who have an obsession to give their children a very good environment, so the ideas of everyone in the family must be agreed. And this will undoubtedly bring a lot of pressure to the elderly, which is not right or wrong, the contradiction escalates, and the unhappiness in the heart will be more.
How to balance the elderly with babies?
The "2019 Working Mother Survival Status Survey Report" shows that nearly 60% of working mothers with children are: the elderly during the day and themselves at night.
For today's young mothers, they will go to work after maternity leave, on the one hand, they do not want to disconnect themselves from society, on the other hand, they can get corresponding remuneration while proving their value.
And this means that young parents need help from the elderly to help take care of their children. Some people may say: "You can ask for a babysitter, so that you can save the elderly", please nanny will have more concerns. Some friends around me think that it is at least safer for grandparents to take care of their grandchildren, and they will be at ease if they are attentive.
So the need for the elderly to bring a baby, how to balance their own worries about the elderly with a bad belt, but not to make the elderly feel happy relationship? These three tricks must be tried:
The first trick is to be grateful to your parents
Parents have worked hard for their children all their lives, and they should enjoy the blessings of old age, and they have no responsibility and obligation to raise the next generation of their children. Of course, under China's national conditions, parents will go to help. Children should be grateful for their parents' help, and give tolerance, respect, and love in big things and small things.
The second trick: negotiate the bottom line of parenting
In the more than 1 year that my aunt has been helping my cousin with her children, she has cried to me several times. Most of the reasons are problems in parenting, and the different concepts of young people and the elderly, resulting in family conflicts. It is recommended that when young parents choose to let the elderly help with their children, consult with them to clarify some bottom line issues in parenting.
For example, when a child has a conflict with others, how to deal with it is more appropriate? Or how long you play, what kind of books to read, what rules to learn, etc., these are all problems that will occur in daily life, and you can communicate one by one.
Tips: When communicating, pay attention to ways and methods. It is not that the young people's parenting views are right, nor does it mean that the old people's methods are wrong, and they discuss each other, just for the sake of better growth of children.
The third trick: give the elderly a "holiday"
Weekdays are the elderly with children, after work or holidays, to give parents a holiday. Send them a red envelope as a shopping or travel expense, and let them go out and have fun.
This allows parents to relax and maintain a happy mood. And for young parents and children, it is also an important time for effective companionship and the establishment of a good parent-child relationship.
The contradiction of intergenerational education exists objectively, which is a social problem that has lasted for many years. Today's young parents have their own career plans, and most of them need their parents' help. However, it has its own parenting philosophy, so if you want to solve the problem of intergenerational education, you must take a proactive attitude.
In the early hours of the morning, mom came to nag:
For Chinese parents, they are accustomed to giving themselves to their children, including willingly caring for their grandchildren. Therefore, young parents should be more grateful and let the elderly truly enjoy the "joy of heaven". You can't blindly kiss and ignore the parents who are worried about themselves.
A second-child mother who started working in the early hours of the morning, I wrote my heart by hand, and every bit of it was my parenting experience with my two children. Hope my parenting experience can help you a little!
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