Do you want to sleep in a separate room with your child?
How old is the child sleeping in the room?
Regarding this perennial parenting topic, there are many opinions on the Internet.
One of the most widely circulated sayings is that 3 years old and 4 years old do not separate the room, and 5 years old and 6 years old destroy the intestine.
As a result, many mothers try their best to "dump" their children out when they are 3 or 4 years old, but the results are often counterproductive.
IHUMAN MOM
Many times, too much follow those so-called unified XX ages, nominally for the good of the child, but in the end it is also the child who hurts.
In the matter of children sleeping in separate rooms, parents cannot be one-size-fits-all.
The sooner you go to bed
The more independent the child?
I don't know when it began, the independent definition of the child by parents is to "push" the child out.
I feel that as long as the child no longer relies on his parents for everything, he has completed independence.
But is that really the case?
Psychologist Winnicott said: "I think that in terms of maturity, individuals should not mature prematurely, and should not be established as an individual when they are still at a relatively dependent age." ”
Children before the age of 3 have no independence at all, both mentally and physically. If at this time, the parents push the child out of the room, the child is likely to have the illusion of abandonment, which will hurt the heart.
Recently chatting with her girlfriend, she is because she read some "parenting views" about sleeping in separate rooms on the Internet, and when her daughter just turned 3 years old, she began to "train" her children to sleep on their own. I am deeply afraid that because of my ignorance and softness of heart at the moment, my children will grow up to be clingy and not independent.
As a result, you don't have to think about it, and every time it ends with the child crying and the mother and the child sleeping together.
We must understand that "not dividing the room early will affect the independence of the child" is completely unscientific.
Instead, Dr. James McKenna, a world-renowned parent-child sleep expert, mentioned in his research report:
Recent studies have concluded, contrary to the past, that sleeping alone too early in young children is not beneficial for healthy growth. On the contrary, children who sleep with their parents will have more mature stress reduction abilities in the future, and their personalities will be more independent and confident.
Even the situation that we used to think of as Western babies sleeping alone in a room from birth has shown a decreasing trend in recent years.
According to a survey by the American Pediatric Center, the number of families sleeping together is nearly twice as large today.
Each child has its own rhythm, and when the sense of security is enough, the child will propose to divide the room himself.
Ma Yili also recorded on Weibo that Ai Ma took the initiative to ask for a room:
So moms really don't have to rush. The premise of dividing the room is to follow the rhythm of the child's growth, and when the time comes, the TA is more eager to be independent than us.
Maybe when this day really comes, we will have a lot of reluctance.
Too late to sleep in separate rooms,
Children are prone to precocious puberty?
This statement is a kind of partial belief after being taken out of context by many people.
In the past, most families had children and parents crammed into the same bed due to poor economic conditions, and some families did not change this situation until the child left home for school at the age of 18.
Today, the odds of precocious puberty are much higher than in the past. This is enough to show that the culprit of precocious puberty is not sleeping in separate rooms too late.
Some parents only follow the trend and remember these unfounded words, but they have not really understood what precocious puberty is.
Precocious puberty: refers to the switch that prematurely initiates the sexual maturation process in the human body due to various reasons. The medical community defines this as "premature" as girls older than 8 years old and boys older than 9 years old. According to the pathogenesis and clinical manifestations, it is divided into true precocious puberty and pseudoprecocious puberty.
To put it in layman's terms, precocious puberty is an organic lesion of the nervous system.
At present, with the improvement of living standards, children eat a lot of foods containing hormones, and the cases of precocious puberty have become more.
Dr. Lilac once had a popular science article on precocious puberty, which also mentioned that precocious puberty is mainly caused by brain lesions or accidental consumption of sex hormone drugs.
Therefore, instead of worrying about dividing the room, it is more reliable to give children less "junk food" and hormone-containing drugs.
What parents do
Can it effectively avoid room sharing anxiety?
Independence is a natural attribute of the child, and the child must sleep alone after all.
Although children cannot be forced, the completion of sleeping in separate rooms always requires the guidance of parents. What we have to do is to make this independence a natural, harmless separation as much as possible.
And to achieve this natural separation, the sooner parents prepare, the better.
The following 5 gentle tips will make the process of room sharing easier and more enjoyable, and the child will be more receptive.
To divide the room first, the bed should be divided
The principle of sleeping in separate rooms should be gradual and not rushed.
If the child slept with his parents the day before and stayed in the dark room the next day, he would certainly not be able to adapt.
Therefore, before sleeping in separate rooms, there should be a transition of sleeping in separate beds, that is, still sleeping in a room with parents, but not in the same bed, and then sleeping in separate rooms after the baby adapts to sleeping in separate beds.
Set up the room with the kids
For children, a sense of engagement is an important thing.
Before going to bed in the separate room, parents can let the child participate in the layout of the bedroom together, especially the selection of bed-related items, so that they are full of expectations and love for this space in advance.
You can also add some of your child's own creations, such as handicrafts and paintings, to enhance your child's sense of belonging to their room. Only the more the child likes his room, the easier it is for the plan to sleep in separate rooms.
"Brainwashing" your child in advance
Before sleeping in separate rooms, parents can first "brainwash" their children, just like going to kindergarten.
Like what:
"When you grow up, you can have your own room!"
"When you sleep in your room, you've grown up!"
In addition, you can also make some rewards and encouragement games for your child, and at the same time, tell your child that sleeping in a separate room is not to "abandon" him, but because he has grown up and can own his own room independently.
Respond to your child's needs in a timely manner
On the first day of the room, parents should tell their children very clearly: If there is a need, Mom and Dad will always be there. Be sure to give your child a full sense of security.
For example, you can tell him that "Mom and Dad won't lock the door, and if you are afraid or think of us, you can call at any time and we will come over." Let the child feel that even if they sleep in separate rooms, they can find their parents at any time.
Such a response will make the child feel more secure.
Choose to implement during the holidays
There is also a very important point: if you plan to divide the beds and rooms, try to avoid major changes in your child's life.
For example, when you have just entered primary school, or when you have just started school and are close to the final exam, don't force your child to sleep in separate rooms.
The best time should be the winter and summer vacations, which not only open up a new life experience, but also not afraid of children's insomnia affecting the next day's learning.
Educating children is not practiced according to the template, but accumulated through experience little by little.
Parents don't have to blame whether the child is as we wish. Because only when the children believe that "Mom and Dad have always been there" when they look back, they can summon up the courage to move forward again.
So, if your child is crying because they have to split the room, don't turn them away.
At any time, we must respect the child's own growth rhythm, and sooner or later it will come.
Author: Vivi.
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