I have been awake for 54 days of internal and external cultivation, clicking "Attention" in the top right, and continuing to provide specific practical methods and spiritual growth experiences that change the underlying thinking and thus change actions.
This article focuses on:
1. It's "raising children" not "educating"
2. Live out your parents, and your child will save a lot of trouble
3. Accept the child's triple realm and specific methods
(The first three points are how to be a parent)
4. The premise of raising children is to respect, understand, not compare and let children be themselves.
5. How to cultivate internal drive
6. Use 7 specific methods to raise children
(The last three points also apply to parents)
First, it is "raising children" rather than "educating"
First of all, it is stated that the words "education" and "parenting" are wrong in themselves, in fact, they are just accompanying children for a while.
Parents who are qualified to educate and raise children are only life accompanying life, and incidentally affect life.
Again, a tone must be set for "raising children".
"Washer" Song Su Shi
Everyone has adopted children to be smart, and I have been mistaken for a lifetime. May the child be foolish and reckless, and have no calamities and no difficulties to the secretary of state.
Writing about this is difficult to control, Su Shi is full of deep feelings for his children, ah, to write such a poem.
It is the child who is stupid and reckless, and does not argue that "no one in the world dares to argue with it" (Tao Te Ching).
Su Shi is teaching children to be humble gentlemen, humble and self-reflective, rather than expecting children to have self-righteous intelligence.
This is also the premise of Wang Yangming's unity of knowledge and action, "to conscience", first of all, we must be kind and do good.
Second, the child is a copy of the parent's subconscious, which may affect the child's life.
Sun Jingxiu, a children's educator, once told his parents:
"The eyes of the children are cameras,
The brain is a tape recorder,
Your words and deeds are engraved on their hearts. ”
I have a profound experience in this regard.
For example, I used to use her left hand, so he is currently a left-handed.
I know science, so now he loves spaceships, rockets, cars and a series of others.
I once unconsciously teased him: You dress like a girl, which makes him now afraid that he has mistakenly bought and mistakenly worn girls' clothes.
I had unconsciously complained that the hotel was not good, and as a result, I cried and wanted to go home.
So the baby is really a copy of the parent's subconscious, and what kind of child you want to make depends entirely on yourself. (To interject: the suffering of the subconscious, the body knows.) ）
The child is the plasticine, and the subconscious of the parent is the mold of the plasticine. The parent's subconscious determines the initial model of the child, and this imprint may be lifelong.
At the same time, the child's talent is the result of deliberate practice,
So where did the talent come from?
Out of nothing, talent is practiced.
Talent is slowly formed in the acquired environment, after all, there are few people with innate talents.
In fact, each of us can have any talent you want, as long as you desperately desire it.
You know why?
Because the talent is exaggerated by parents and the people around them, I am more convinced that I have talent in this area.
In order to prove their talent, but also for the sense of satisfaction and pride that they get from talent, people naturally tend to deliberately practice and consolidate their talents.
So this deliberate practice really becomes your own talent, which is the power of belief.
I also have a deep understanding of this aspect, because I like to read since I was a child, and I should be good at language, so writing has become my talent.
So my talent is because I love the habit of reading, not because I'm born with it.
So my articles have always emphasized "the power of language", "the power of expression", and "the power of belief".
Children are particularly susceptible to being affected, and it can be seen that children's talents are the result of the correct influence of adults. Therefore, adults should always be aware of their words and deeds, transmit positive energy (pay attention to "degree", not blind encouragement, and let him challenge appropriately), and cannot be labeled.
Only "self-awakening" parents can raise outstanding children.
This is the motivation and meaning of my more literary, I personally have an epiphany awakening, I hope that through my article my experience my changes will lead to more people to have an epiphany awakening.
Therefore, parents understand themselves, which is the best understanding of their children.
Live yourself and your parenting will save a lot of trouble.
Third, accept the child's triple realm and specific methods
Writer Zhou Guoping said:
"When children are weaving beautiful dreams,
Don't correct him with the reality in your eyes.
Only children who are respected, recognized, and supported inspire inner creativity, drive, and perseverance. ”
The American psychologist Kohut said:
Affection without temptation is the most beautiful emotion between people.
It is I who understand you deeply and accept you without setting any conditions for you.
What parents want to cultivate is that "no matter how bad the emotions are, I can catch it."
This acceptance is what is called "acceptance," which involves self-acceptance and acceptance of the other, as well as parent-child relationships.
Here I repeat "acceptance" to show its importance.
"Accepting children" has a threefold realm: permission, seeing, and approval.
"Allow" is to allow the child to not meet your expectations.
The motivation behind "seeing" negative emotions is the child's expectation of intimacy with their parents.
"Recognition" is the recognition of the child's "behavior that you feel is not good" after seeing the child.
Because "the behavior that parents feel is not good" is actually the inner cry of the child with the behavior, and the parents need to "see" with their hearts.
In other words, parents feel that their children's bad cognition is wrong, and they must see the essence of the problem.
It is not that the child is not good, but that the parents have not done a good job to cause the child to behave like that. At the same time, it is inseparable from the guidance of parents' kindness.
So "no matter how "do" the child, it is because he tries everything to get your attention, wants you to "love him", and a child who never acts in front of you is completely desperate.
He can also behave badly in front of you and prove that he is brave!
Parents who are truly accepting of their children must:
First, you have to accept yourself.
Second, your negative emotions have to go somewhere.
The more you are accepted, the more experienced you are to accept your child, which is a virtuous circle.
Third, allow yourself to not be able to catch your child.
But where the two people interact deeply, they must be satisfied with each other, not one party is always giving, and the other party is always taking. You also have a need for your child, either explicitly, not vaguely.
At this moment, the child learns 3 points:
First, my needs can be expressed directly like my mother;-
Second, I am also capable of satisfying others, no matter how authoritative he is;
Third, I was equal to my mother.
The exchange of needs is the reciprocity of personalities and the essence of acceptance, while taking the risk that the child may not satisfy you as if you would not satisfy him. (quoted)
Here are the words written by angelic children, which may be enlightening to you as a parent.
"To be honest, I'm really not interested in success.
But Mom likes it. For the sake of my mom, I sometimes try to do things I don't like to do.
In order to make others happy, do something, and these things will automatically have light and meaning. ”
Fourth, the premise of raising children is to respect, understand, not compare and let children be themselves.
True nurturing of children is first and foremost based on respect and understanding.
Companionship is knowing that you have made a mistake,
But I am still willing to protect your dignity and face.
Because I know,
Good parents should be the backbone of their children.
Even if you make a mistake,
I will stand firmly with you too.
My love and respect for you,
It will never change.
Psychologist Adler said:
"Spur the child with comparison,
It will only make him lose confidence and hurt his heart.
To find his merits,
Let the child discover his own strengths,
That's the most important thing. ”
At the same time, the writer Feng Jicai said:
"The wind can blow up a big white paper,
But they can't blow away a butterfly.
Because of the power of life,
It's about disobedience. ”
Only in this way,
The child's life will not be limited to pleasing others,
Instead, focus on being unique to yourself.
Respecting and understanding yourself and others, not comparing and being yourself, this is not only for children, but also for parents.
The truths are all the same.
"Raising children is when you make a mistake.
I don't say broken when I see it.
Nurturing is your ten thousand attempts,
I've always supported it.
Nurturing is even a small growth,
It also deserves a seal-like applause.
Nurturing is your occasional teeth and claws,
I laughed and didn't get mad.
(Respect)
Nurturing is in my family's dictionary,
There was never "someone else's child".
Nurturing is that you have tried your best,
It doesn't matter if you lose.
(All are compared with themselves, not with others)
Nurturing is knowing what is wrong,
It's more important than getting him to apologize (self-awareness).
Nurturing is to give him a needle when he was a child,
Give him wings when he grows up.
Nurturing is about making him fall in love with your smile.
Nurturing is about making him use you as his role model.
Nurturing is that your dreams are not old,
His curiosity was just right.
Nurturing children is about using the heart, discovering the heart, and influencing life with life. (Life Affects Life) (Quote)
Fifth, how to cultivate internal driving force
There are three things that are very important to cultivate the inner drive of children (and parents), and that is
"Sense of autonomy", "sense of competence" and "emotional connection".
What is an emotional connection?
When an activity always takes place in a comfortable, relaxed, intimate environment and social atmosphere, and when doing this activity, you can always experience respect, support and love, and you will like such activities more and more and get full internal motivation.
So how to cultivate the "internal drive"?
1. Find the cause, provide a method, and guide the child to find out on his own; (Autonomous emotional ➕ link)
2. Make an initiative for children to explore on their own; (Experience the emotional link of ➕ competence)
3. Help so kids can discover more on their own. (Competence ➕ Emotional Link)
Sixth, use 6 specific methods to raise children
First of all, in terms of the perception of the parents themselves, the parents must be forward-looking and at the same time regard the child as an adult.
What is really important is to develop your child's ability to adapt. In addition to professional (professional) ability, this ability to adapt is also based on some core qualities, which actually includes language skills, communication skills, teamwork skills, leadership, retrieval and information collection skills, etc., and there are many aspects.
Ability education (social survival, interpersonal communication, etc.) and happiness (self-acceptance and self-orientation, interpersonal relationships, etc.) education, this is the most important.
What parents need to do is not to use their stubborn, previous generation's vanity to kidnap their children's choices and children's future, give children a free space to grow, and let children do what they like to do.
Only when a person has the corresponding space to do what he likes to do, can he obtain happiness in life and be able to do better.
This is also what I have always emphasized to love myself, respect myself, and be true and sincere.
Secondly, for the parents' attitude towards the child, the child is actually not a child, the child's potential is infinite, the child is actually interested in a lot of obscure knowledge, give the baby the platform he wants, the baby will take off.
Raising children is just life influencing life.
Here's how:
1. Respect the child and love the child, understand that the child accepts the child in its entirety, let the child live out himself, and give him what he wants.
For example, Xu Xiake, who was born in the Ming Dynasty, did not like examinations and only liked to travel. In that era, he was so-called deviant, but fortunately he had enlightened parents who supported her decision to pamper him.
Such a child is definitely confident and sunny.
Since you think of your child as an adult, you must learn to delegate power and give the basic rights of adults to your child, and the sooner you make mistakes, the less cost it will be.
So I want to say:
If you're already a father (or mother), will you make your child the next Xu Xiake?
And you, have you become the "Xu Xiake" you want?
History has never taught us to be others, but to teach us how to be ourselves.
The premise of being yourself is to respect yourself and love yourself.
Otherwise you won't know how to be yourself.
2. Cultivate the ability of humility, filial piety, tolerance, etc., and read more classical classic books such as the Analects and the Four Precepts of The Mortals.
For example, he often tells his children that "threesomes must have my teacher" and other ancient sayings, and Yang Dingyi once said: The younger the child is exposed to religious books such as the Heart Sutra, the better, which will open up the wisdom of the child.
3. Cultivate self-reflection and reform, examine your own ability every day, separate yourself from yourself and calmly look at your own words and deeds, and if you have changed them, you will be encouraged.
Often tell children "I am three provinces and my body", develop the habit of writing a reflective diary every day, and try to unite knowledge and action.
4.Develop math and reading skills.
Of all the skills, some say the ones who should care most about raising children are math and reading.
Cultivating children's mathematical and logical skills at an early age is to cultivate children's ability to think and solve problems. And to cultivate the habit of reading is to cultivate his habit of self-study.
In addition to math and reading, the rest of the time is spent exercising.
5. Sense of purpose
The target is the North Star, while math and reading are sleighs. In addition to this, in order to achieve the goals of life, values are important. Discuss right and wrong with your child from an early age, and let your child know how to judge and choose.
You see when we were children, we did not lack ideals, so we must take care of our children's dreams, what if they are realized?
At the same time, parents should always look inward, find their goals, and make progress with their children.
Motivated parents naturally have motivated children.
6. Expand the child's worldview and develop a global perspective, the so-called "God perspective".
For example, when looking at a map, you can get a glimpse of the whole picture.
Read more classical books such as the Tao Te Ching and understand the "Tao", such as my baby will also memorize the first sentence.
As a student, when doing the question, you should consider the applicability of the question, how the author thinks, and why the question is not what I thought.
7. Cultivate children's ability to deeply understand themselves, understand the laws of human nature and the underlying laws, build various thinking models (underlying thinking) in the brain to cope with various scenes of life and society, learn to see the essence through phenomena, conduct in-depth thinking and research, and seek truth from facts.
It is recommended that children study various basic concepts in depth (such as basic units such as quality), build the underlying structure, and read classic books such as "Good Learning", "Good Thinking", "Mao Zedong Anthology", "Heavenly Red Dust" and so on.
In fact, the above seven points are exactly what I asked of myself after my epiphany, which is also applicable to adults, and I also demanded of myself.
Zhuang Ziyue: Through one, and everything is complete.
Munger also once said: People who only do one thing often know more and get more than people who do more.
Because the top avenues of all walks of life in the world are connected, you can only complete everything if you achieve oneness.
And how to really find a path that is completely suitable for you, not only to let yourself grow up at a high speed, but also to achieve the future of your children is a compulsory path for every parent.
今天是我写作的第54/365天。
My original intention:
The heart affects the heart, and it is willing to lead more people to walk on the road of changing the underlying thinking and acting immediately.
My mission philosophy:
Love yourself, respect yourself, find goals and self-worth (self-sufficient), self-reflection, unity of knowledge and action (always protect good thoughts, good words, good deeds), then "you want yourself" and "want to live" will automatically appear in front of you.
This is the Law of Attraction and The Secret.
Original is not easy, feel good to remember to like and share. Give people roses, and have a lingering fragrance in your hands
Welcome to my awakening story "This Is My Awakening Story 1 and 2" and the epiphany of life and death (see the article "The Essence of Life 3" for details), as well as the emotional healing series, please change your destiny with me.