Text/Themi Mama (original article, welcome to share and forward personally)
Hello everyone, I'm Themi's mother~
Schools should be a happy ocean for children to grow up happily and absorb knowledge, but on campus, in addition to the sound of children reading aloud and the laughter of games, there will inevitably be some friction.
And this friction is not a single accidental event, in various parts of the world, school bullying incidents, from time to time.
According to a school bullying survey, more than 50% of the 36,000 respondents have experienced bullying in schools.
And these victims, more or less, will have a great impact on themselves because of their own bullying, some will swallow their voices, have an inferior personality, cowardice, some will choose to quit school, escape campus life, and even more, will make extreme behavior.
Therefore, with the frequent occurrence of campus bullying incidents, many parents are worried about this, and they have also torn apart the dark corners of the campus, which should be innocent and simple growth world, so that more children who have been bullied have begun to look directly at their inner world.
01. The child's true state after being bullied
Speaking about this topic, I want to talk about my own story.
When I was in the third grade, the primary school in the village was cancelled, and I had no choice but to walk four or five miles to the primary school in the town.
Later, my parents were too busy to take care of me, so in the end they had to choose to start a residential life, and my nightmares followed.
It is very responsible to tell parents here that the so-called "if you don't bully others, others won't bully you" is a big lie and mistake.
Because, if others want to bully you, you don't need to find any reason at all.
I studied better at that time, and then a few girls in the class often troubled me, and the most terrible thing was that they bullied people in an endless stream.
For example, they will stand on my bed and stomp on it, they will use the towel I washed to wipe my feet, they will unite with other classmates to exclude me, they will make rumors about me with other classmates, and even deliberately go to the toilet on my bed...
Parents will feel that their children are innocent, how can these situations be done by children?
But you may have all seen the "Hidden Corners" TV series, and there is a sentence in the original novel that I think is particularly reasonable:
In the eyes of adults, children are always simple, even if children can lie, the lie can be immediately punctured, they can not imagine the tricks of children, even if they themselves have been children.
When these things happened, I was actually at a loss.
On the one hand, if I tell my parents and teachers about this, my self-esteem will be hit hard.
On the other hand, in the face of the girls who bullied me, I had no strength to fight back at all, and could only passively accept.
A deep sense of powerlessness, as if it had engulfed itself.
During that year, I was almost often bullied like this, sometimes I could only cry secretly, and then after a year, a few of them were transferred to other classes and changed dormitories.
After a long time when I was growing up, this incident had a great impact on me, I was afraid to speak for a while, and my personality was also very introverted.
It wasn't until I became an adult that I dared to look directly into my own heart, told my mother about this matter, and slowly reconciled with what happened when I was a child.
02. When the child is bullied, whether to fight back or tell the parents
It is precisely because many children have encountered these things in the process of growing up, so the school bullying incident will attract everyone's attention.
Now many parents will tell their children before their children enter school that someone is bullying you, either call them back or come back to tell their parents or teachers.
But frankly, these two methods are not the best policy, let's talk about it separately.
First, tell your parents or teachers first.
When a child is in a bullied environment, it is difficult to express the fact that he or she has been bullied, and unless your parent-child dependence is very high, it is difficult to express it directly.
There are two reasons for this.
First, as the child grows, the self-esteem will be very strong, so this kind of "humiliating" thing in the eyes of the child will not be directly confided in the parents or teachers.
Second, parents and teachers cannot always guard the child's side, so even if the child tells the parents and teachers, then the solution they can provide to the child cannot completely solve the problem.
That is to say, why some bullying incidents have intensified in the end.
Of course, this does not mean that children should not tell their parents and teachers, but that this method, to the greatest extent, can solve the problem of children being bullied.
Second, let's talk about calling back.
Some parents will encourage their children to fight back, and the so-called operability of fighting back is very low in my opinion.
First of all, when the fact of being bullied occurs, it means that the two sides have an unequal strength difference, so this will lead to the occurrence of the incident, if you can use your own strength to fight back, it means that the matter itself will not happen.
Secondly, many parents think that as long as the child can be tough and scared, then he will not dare to bully you next time, to be honest, the school environment seems to be detached from society, but it is actually closely related to society.
So, we have to decide how tough our children need to be. In addition, we also have to consider whether the child's toughness will cause the incident to develop again.
Therefore, whether it is to fight back or tell parents and teachers, it is not the best solution that children can choose after being bullied.
03. How to avoid and deal with children being bullied?
Mainly into the school, children are indispensable to get along with their classmates, then in this small society, there will be contradictions, so how do we let children avoid being bullied?
In fact, from my own real experience to think and start, I think there are two problems, worthy of parents to face up.
First, whether the child has a strong psychology to face the things of being bullied.
Second, whether the child has a way to deal with the problem of bullying.
When we teach these two problems to the children, in fact, the children will not be bullied.
Strong psychology comes from sound cognition, if the child is laid out in advance, then the child can have a channel for elimination even if he encounters an unexpected situation.
What people are most afraid of is not the problem, but do not know how to solve the problem, the problem can not be solved, it is easy to leave scars in the child's heart, over time, it will affect the psychological growth.
The strength of the heart and the early preparation for bullying incidents are the fundamentals of children's proper handling of problems.
Therefore, I think parents need to teach their children in advance how to deal with their own situation of being bullied, so that those who bully themselves know that they are "not good" at the first time.
Therefore, before my two children entered elementary school, I showed them a set of picture books called "Learning to Say No" Out loud, and for children aged 3-8, it is crucial to establish the awareness of how to solve problems after being "bullied".
In this set of picture books, 8 common school bullying incidents are listed, including rumor-mongering, ridicule, nicknames, robbery, exclusion, random touch, etc., so that children can learn how to resist and how to ask for help through the stories in the picture book.
By reading the picture book, the child will establish the cognition of similar events, so that when the child encounters a problem, he does not have to think about it himself, nor will he swallow his anger, but follow the method in the picture book, react in time, give his own response method, and let the other party stop hurting immediately.
This set of picture books has a total of 8 volumes, including "I don't like to be rumored", "I don't like to be excluded", "I don't like to be called" and so on.
Now, these 8 books only cost 49 yuan, each is only 6 yuan, in addition to the practical content, the most fundamental reason I recommend is that adults can not always guard children, so children should have the ability to solve problems and cognition on their own.
Therefore, I think parents should buy a set for their children.
In the face of school bullying, we can provide children with not only the protection of the child, but also the strength of the spiritual world and the independent solution to the problem.
Only in this way can parents truly be a safe haven for their children.