In order to provide parents with special family education guidance during special periods, the All-China Women's Federation has launched the "Special Tutors in Special Periods" WeChat column, where parents can learn family education knowledge through family education micro-lessons.
One word to understand adolescence (special tutor 885 period)
There are different angles to interpret adolescence, and one of the words is very interesting, and this word is "to find".
Looking for what?
Find "I"!
When the child completes the task of finding the self, achieves what the American psychologist Erikson calls "self-identity", that is, answers the two key questions of self-exploration - "who am I" and "what kind of person do I want to be", adolescence is over.
I often listen to parents marvel
Today's children seem to have adolescence ahead of schedule
There are common roots in English words from the age of 13 to 19, and children at this stage are called tienage; From the American writer Mark Twain ("When I was 7 years old, I felt like my father was the smartest man under the heavens; When I was 14 years old, I felt that my father was the most unreasonable person under the heavens; When I was 21, I suddenly realized that my father was still very smart"), his puberty was between the ages of 14 and 21; Brain science research believes that from the age of 10 to 28, the human brain matures.
After the child enters puberty, the growth and development of the body is rapid, the pants of the school uniform are shortened in one semester, and the psychological development has also entered the "stormy period" that is extremely emotionally unstable, sensitive, irritable, and emotionally rich. When they claim their rights, they long to be treated as adults, emphasizing that "I am in charge of my territory"; When faced with responsibility, they are reluctant to grow up, reminding parents that "people are still babies", which is like a contradiction between having to celebrate "Singles Day" and "June Day".
At this stage, children pay special attention to self-image, begin to have self-doubt, low self-evaluation, girls think they are not in good shape, and boys think they are not tall. They attach great importance to peer relationships, parents are no longer "important others", sexual consciousness begins to awaken, and may be confused for a week for a week for a look from the "boy next door".
Unfortunately, the changes in children are not synchronized with the changes in parents' cognition, many parents still use the original method to treat children who have grown up, still concerned about academic performance rather than how to help children establish self-identity (that is, individuals try to integrate all aspects related to themselves to form a self-determined, coordinated, different from others' self), parent-child conflicts will inevitably become common or even frequent.
When you think of adolescent children, which word comes to mind?
To this question, Chinese parents often reply that "rebellious, disobedient, and sharp", while Western parents often blurt out "change, vitality, passion, and infinite possibilities".
In fact, rebellion is a signal for children to transform from children to adults, which means that children begin to break away from the innocence of childhood, begin to explore themselves, and begin to find their own unique position and value in this world.
What does adolescence mean for homeschooling?
Much like the night high-speed encounter with heavy rain, and like the boat small water and large dangerous beaches, the former requires the driver to slow down, be careful, have hope, and firmly believe that this section of the road will pass no matter how difficult it is; The latter requires all the members of the ship to sit firmly, calm down, avoid jumping up and down, and wait for the wind and waves to calm down. When "slow" and "steady" become the tone of family life at this stage, it creates a soothing environment for the child's undulating emotional energy.
Research confirms that the more rebellion in prepuberty, the easier it is for children to establish identity in late adolescence, and the more likely they are to gradually clarify their differences with others, recognize their own strengths and strengths, and clarify their future social roles through continuous experimentation and exploration.
Each child's time to find themselves is different, and some people even don't know what kind of life they want after graduating from college, or "haven't figured out" what kind of job they are suitable for.
Such a child is likely to be a "well-behaved child" that makes parents worry. The "helicopter parents" who control everything and the "snowplow parents" who are in charge of everything have a strong sense of control and do not let children express different views.
Although it seems that the parent-child relationship is relatively close, it is not a good thing for adolescent children to be too obedient, easy to blindly follow, easy to passively accept the results given or choose by others, strong dependence, lack of initiative, relatively poor ability to cope with challenges, and easy to lose goals and confidence when encountering setbacks.
Children who are bored with school, addicted to the Internet, or even give up their lives are behind the lack of motivation caused by lack of goals.
As the Austrian psychologist Victor Frank said in Living the Meaning of Life, "When a person feels meaningless about his life, his actions lose their basis." Frank was imprisoned in four Nazi concentration camps, lost all his loved ones, and found that only 1/28 of the survivors who survived from purgatory could survive, and that the motivation to survive was only faith as the goal, "when a person has a goal in life, he will feel that life is meaningful" "As long as people know what to live, they can endure any suffering."
The root cause of children's aversion to school and obsession with games often lies in family relations, and the more divided the parents are, the more serious the problems of children. The more children can get understanding, respect and recognition from their parents, the opportunity to choose and the right to say "no", the more likely they are to find the meaning of life, the clear goal of struggle, and the clear mission of their own.
At this time, what the child needs is not to urge but to encourage, not to grasp the number of broken thoughts but to grasp the trust of the big and let go, in the words of the American anthropologist John Dewey, "the most profound driving force in the essence of human beings is to hope to have importance, hope to be praised" "Once this spiritual need is met, people will be full of confidence and motivation."
Source: China Education News
Author: Yang Yongmei
Image source: Photo.com