It's Friday again, and the first weekend of 2022 is coming. Don't look at this week is only 4 working days, but I'm busier than ever.
As you all know, full of injuries not only can't go to school early for the winter vacation, I have to spend 2-3 hours a day to take him to the hospital to change his medicine, not to mention the time to play with him. This makes the already tight life and work even busier.
Although I have challenged all kinds of impossibilities these days, the article is still very out of shape. No matter how optimistic I am, I can't help but want to spit a few words, 2022 this start is really not good.....
But this is only the feeling of adults, and the wounded are quite a kind of blissful joy..... Man was so happy every day, joy emanated from his face and body emotionally in all directions, he couldn't hide it, and his eyes were full of small stars.
No need to go to kindergarten to learn, no need to practice basketball, no need to get up early, just play when you want! Free and uninhibited, he was happy from the bottom of his heart every minute.
This happiness also infected me, and we bored adults should really learn like children: no heart and no lungs, not tired of living.
If you can't do that, pretend again! What did you say yesterday? Life is like a drama, all by acting skills, is a good medicine for middle-aged people to travel at home Wow ~ hiahiahia ~ ~
Paddling for so many days, I also have to do something serious, back to our topic today, talk about the family has two sides and three knives of the child, how to educate ....
It is no secret that this two-sided and three-knife wall grass is no one else, it is my family's small slippery head full (thanks to this frequent bear child for providing inexhaustible materials for my public account... ）。
I always told everyone that this is a very cunning child. To this end, I also wrote an article about children lying: "Don't hide from you, I don't care much about the child's glare and talk nonsense....".
However, as he grew older, this cunning developed a bit to greasy - he now not only has the ability to make up stories pure, but also has trained a two-sided, three-bladed, rudder-like ability to see the wind, like a super flexible wall grass, in front of different people can say a completely different version of a thing.
To tell the truth, this feature can hardly be recognized without deliberate observation. If it weren't for the last time Man Man had a conflict with me, we would have all been played by this child.
It was the time when I was discharged from the hospital and went home, man suddenly did not love to take care of me, he did not want to go home to live, did not want to play with me, I said that I did not care about anything, and changed the previous state of "old clingy".
At first, my health was not very good, and I was happy and quiet, but it was not a matter of being so awkward, there must be something in it.
So I actively look for reasons, patiently communicate with the child, and let other family members help me understand the child's thoughts. After talking, we were all shocked, this child's acting skills are really good!
As for the reason why he didn't bother to pay attention to me, he told me one set, and he told grandma and grandpa another set, and then turned to his father and told his father a different story than the first two. Finally, at Grandma's house, things turned into a new version of the story.
Everyone thinks they are hearing the truth, but the more they communicate, the stranger it becomes, and finally they find that they are full of two sides and three knives - they can say whatever they see.
This is not terrible, but what is even more powerful is that everything full of words is true! At first glance, it sounds correct, but a pair of details, only to find that this child has done a evasive and light treatment of details, out of context, so that different people have different understandings -
Do you think what you think is what you think? No, all you think is what I made you think.
Being able to do so not only shows that he has strong thinking ability, judgment, imagination and self-control acting skills, but also that he has insight into the psychological characteristics of each person in the family and the conflict between family members - in order to achieve information gap and help him see who says what.
I drop god, full of this is to single-handedly create an infernal affairs, Zhen Huan chuan, Yanxi raiders Wow! Disrespectful and disrespectful.
Seeing that Man man is so "unreal", he can make the straight man Lao Zhang depressed, and he can't believe that he gave birth to such a clever baby, and he also calculated his own family.
For this reason, Lao Zhang and I almost "quarreled" a fight!
Zhengfang Lao Zhang feels that the rudder is full of winds that makes the rudder habitual, and the whole family is picking stars and sending the moon to the pampering mode, so that the children get too much, and they do not know how to cherish and satisfy. Therefore, we must lower the living standard of the baby, and the son must be poor.
The opposing old mother I listened to a confused face: Huh? what? Where is this all about?
I don't deny that what Lao Zhang said makes sense, but there is no direct connection between these two things.
Instead, the two men began to argue about the way the child lived.
Lao Zhang is mainly reasonable, and the crackling is the righteous and solemn "because, so";
And I put the facts, starting from the reality of daily raising children, saying "although, but"... The result, of course, is that no one can say who.
Fortunately, we have always reached a consensus: the fault of the child is the fault of the adult, there must be a problem with the parenting style, but the reason cannot be found for a while.
To tell the truth, this matter really can't rely on the father (default Lao Zhang can't see this sentence), and the old mother who personally raises her child knows that the theory that can't be linked to reality is nonsense, or it has to be observed from the usual bits and pieces.
The first thing, of course, was to fix my relationship with Man man. This is not difficult, although full of N versions of the story, but the core reason for piecing it together is found. Know what the problem is, and solve it is not handy? We'll talk about this alone another day, and I'll think about the title.
After that, I began to look for a reason full of such a smooth and greasy. After a period of observation and reflection, I peeked into the problem from two small things.
One thing was that after getting a snack at his grandmother's house, he sneaked into the kitchen to eat it. My mom asked why, and he said he was afraid I would talk about him when I saw it.
Another thing is that Man is at Grandma's house to play with the landlord, and suddenly sees me come back and lie that I am counting addition and subtraction, for the same reason, afraid that I will say him.
These two fragments of life reflect the motivation of full of two sides and three knives:
He is seeking advantages and avoiding harm, by testing the bottom line of different people, finding opportunities to exploit loopholes, and worrying about exposure, he has to set up a set behind the previous set, constantly pinching the relationship between the characters, to achieve his own careful thinking.
For example, Man Man knows that I have the most requirements and the strictest management, so I start from the next generation who is more willing to satisfy him and has a more relaxed education, to do what cannot be done in front of me, and to "hide" from me together (in fact, some of them I also know, but I really can't solve it).
For example, if Man man knows that everyone hurts him, he will use language tactics to trigger the "inner volume" of family members:
He is a demon in one old man's home, if he is said he will move out of the other house why just create a contradiction;
If you don't succeed in asking for something in another house, you will deliberately say that you will buy him something new, forcing the old man to compromise.
This boy can see clearly, I can manage him, but I can't control my parents, I can ask my parents, but in the in-laws, it is more of a rut. The reverse is also true – it's bound to be an endless fight.
This made me think straight through, and I instantly found the deep education problem behind it: the size of parenting is not uniform is the core reason for the two sides of the child.
Let's reason in reverse, if all family members follow a standard, a rule, a set of logic, ok is OK, no is not OK! One line and one horse, the child will not have the opportunity to exploit the loophole - there is no time at all.
It is precisely because of the uneven standards that it brings dead ends, so that children have the opportunity to get extra sweetness through two sides and three knives.
Looking back on the argument with Lao Zhang now, what he said is indeed correct: lower the standard of living, don't be satisfied with everything, everyone is flat and not so much to let the baby take advantage of the loophole, he can also stop.
But I'm right! The 6 adults and 1 child in the family are themselves an environment that is extremely involuted, and the next generation is easy to spoil too much, and it is not controlled by us at all.
And I had to join the inner volume of the flattering baby, and I didn't want to, but I couldn't.
Others spoil me and I hate it, and from time to time I have to shock the baby, what does the child think? I am not an abominable-looking wicked man.
I no longer please him, make up for the "soft" of soft and hard, and when I manage it, not only does it not play an effect, but also has to form a parent-child contradiction. (Now you know why Man man ignored me again,) ）
This is the extremely embarrassing situation of this old mother: inside and outside are not people, and nothing can change.
If you can't change it, you have to do something, and you can't help the children to make waves and make waves. I thought about it and there are 3 directions to work on.
First, (as far as possible) to achieve a united front for parenting
Everyone who sees the words in parentheses knows that this is almost impossible, there are several families involved in parenting, there will be several sets of standards!
We can only reduce the variance and its absolute value as much as possible and make the standard a little more uniform.
For example, reduce the number of families involved in child-rearing, and take 1-2 family masters for a period of time (only one elderly person is selected) to avoid the formation of an inner volume environment;
For example, sending babies to kindergartens with uniform standards, so that other standards can replace different standards for families.
If multiple families must participate in parenting for a period of time, it is best to negotiate a core parenting rule, everyone to this standard, under the premise of maintaining the basic direction, the details as far as possible to accommodate and unify, to avoid here and such a gap.
For example, everyone discussed well, what can be done and what cannot be done, which is not discussed, which can be made concessions, it is best to unify the rhetoric. Be sure to explain the reasons and reasons for the constraints to the child clearly, so that the child understands the stakes, rather than throwing the pot to others: "XX does not let you do it", which will break the unity of parents and let the child exploit the loophole.
Second, avoid evaluating other parents in front of your child
law, especially negative
That's key! It is really important not to evaluate other people's educational methods in front of children, because these views will make children understand the inconsistency and contradictions between adults, and it is easy for children to seize them as a breakthrough to engage in small actions.
Don't underestimate children, where there are people, there are rivers and lakes, children are also small people, the bigger the more they understand the task relationship.
In addition, it is equally important not to deter children from other parents! This will not only affect the parent-child relationship of others, but also show the weakness of their own education, but also let the child gain inches. Scare is never a good way to do it, don't try to use it for a while.
Third, correct deviations in a timely manner and talk openly and frankly
If everyone is like the full mother's family, there is no way to reduce the standard of taking a baby, there is no way to unite the front, and the child has also seen the wind and made the rudder.... Then explain with the child all the points he wants to exploit one by one, and understand why we are more strict.
The conversation style must be like treating adults, and the child must grow up, responsible and capable of fighting.
Believe me, the child is getting bigger and bigger, and more sensible and self-controlling. As long as he is sincere and equal and explains the causes and consequences to the child, he will surely slowly understand the reason.
When the communication leveling standards are not uniform, coupled with moderate satisfaction, the child will no longer dig out to ask for too much.
And being treated as an adult will greatly satisfy the child's possession of power and be more willing to restrain himself.
At present, this method is still very effective in Manman's body, and it has also greatly repaired the "contradiction" between me and him, and the relationship has become particularly harmonious.
Fourth, don't make a fuss, two sides and three knives and moral character
Quality doesn't matter!
Don't think that the child is not sincere enough, in fact, this is just the ability to adapt to the environment to stimulate, do not label the baby! Children are still good children, and their usual moral education is excellent, which really does not affect anything.
In my observation, he is usually a very enthusiastic, honest, very practical, helpful, and like to share little warm man - but the ghost idea is a little more, and the emotional intelligence is really high.