This article will feel a bit "chicken soup" for many parents, because parents who really pay a lot but can't adjust themselves is still a minority, but I still insist on talking about some of my views, because I think these views are still very meaningful.
There is a first-year child, who is a bully in primary school, and is versatile and can win very high awards, and even on a very high stage, it can be said that he is a very well-rounded "other people's child".
But unfortunately, after the child went to junior high school, this child, who was once a "school bully" in the eyes of others and parents, performed very "poorly" in the recent final exam.
In terms of grade, the child only gets a "B" grade.
We all know that the child's performance is inseparable from the parents' efforts, and even we can say with great certainty that behind all the achievements and honors that the children have obtained, the parents' efforts play a decisive role.
Of course, such results in the eyes of many parents if their children can get such a "dream will laugh", but in the face of such "comfort", the child's parents said: "Pay is not the same."
It is precisely this philosophy that speaks to the unnecessary stress that many of our children are suffering from now, and even in severe cases, it may hurt the physical and mental health of the key.
I am also a parent, and many netizens also know that I also have a second-year child at home, so the psychology of many parents is the same.
Just like when I watched the movie "Manslaughter 2" a few days ago, when I saw that the life-saving heart of my own child was taken away by the powerful, I was really looking forward to what kind of "turnaround" would happen. But when I saw that the stolen heart was saving the lives of the children of the powerful, I thought for a moment "if it were me", my only choice was for me to die, and then give my heart to the child...
We often say that parents' love for their children is "selfless", but in fact, what is selfless love?
We're asking for a lot!
We want our children to have good academic performance, to be admitted to a good school, to be able to get a high degree, to be able to learn very easily to find employment and not only not to be tired, but also to get a high-paying job opportunity...
We hope that children can also be versatile, not only excellent physical and psychological health, in other words, children are not only "IQ" high, "emotional intelligence" is also high...
Many times we know that it is difficult for children to achieve these "our" goals on their own, so as parents, we will pay a lot for our children.
This is nothing, but many parents have forgotten the "original intention" in the process of paying.
Our original intention is to make the child "better", so we will make a lot of efforts behind our backs, and even force ourselves to learn a lot.
But in the process, we often continue to hurt our children, especially when there is no high return on high pay, many parents fall into a very serious psychological imbalance.
In this state, it is difficult for parents to find their own problems.
Because we are likely to care about what others think and evaluate, we will feel very humiliated.
We are more likely to think of our various efforts and sacrifices, and more importantly, the child is "sorry" for everything we have done, and the child is not angry. Except for a very small number of parents who also involve the school or teacher, all the faults will basically be attributed to the child.
Because we're going to feel like we've really done a "great job."
In fact, the "result" has already explained the problem - at least in the child's learning, we have not done a good job.
Children may indeed be really wrong, and even the child's school and teacher may be really to blame, but why don't we reflect on whether there is a problem with our "giving" itself?
To know that the more for such parents, the child's learning process parents are definitely involved or even dominant, in this case, how can we say that only the child does wrong and not our responsibility?
The more we think parents who have paid a lot for themselves, if their children behave "unsatisfactorily", the more we should all look for problems from ourselves.
Take, for example, the case of this child.
The child's foundation is so good, parents can pay attention to it, and it is also possible that the exam is occasionally played abnormally, but normally the "grade decline" is a "process" rather than a "result".
For those parents who feel that they pay attention and pay a lot, you have not found the problems in the "process" of this person, or found but did not solve it well, then we must also bear this responsibility.
To know that the child is a child after all, learning is also learning after all, especially in the matter of learning, not that we point out the problem that the child can immediately correct, nor does it mean that we find some problems in the mastery of knowledge and tell the child, the child can quickly solve it.
"Problems" often do not exist in isolation, and there are other or even many other problems before and behind many "problems".
For example, the seven mathematics is usually based on the "moving point problem" as the "finale problem", and the child does not score because he will not, which is not just the child's knowledge of the "moving point problem" is not so simple. Behind this may also include the problem of listening to lectures, the problem of homework, the problem of correcting mistakes, the problem of extended exercises, the problem of attitude, the problem of home-school communication and many other problems.
Of course, there will be some children who are bigger from the perspective of "responsibility", but for parents who "pay" a lot of self-evaluation, where is your "pay"? Have you discovered so many problems behind them before? After finding out, do you go to help the child solve it?
Our efforts are not only to find problems, the ultimate goal of our efforts is to help children solve problems in a more timely manner.
And for parents who feel that they have given a lot, they must reflect on such a question - is our "giving" positive for their children?
One of the most typical points is that it will appear because we have paid too much, so that the child loses the ability to think independently and solve problems independently?
It is not difficult to understand that parents are too capable and can cause children to become "lazy".
I've seen a parent who really pays a lot, for example, he will sort out every homework, test, exam, practice and even the problems that the child does wrong in the extracurricular class, and it is very well organized, beautiful, and detailed analysis.
But after the child reads it, some of the wrong questions will still be wrong again, and some bad habits (such as reviewing questions, writing, etc.) will continue to be maintained...
This alone can make many parents marvel and shout "I really can't do it".
But our efforts have not solved the child's problems, we are just trying very hard to find the problem, but we are not working very hard to help the child solve the problem, nor can we work very hard to cultivate the child's independent learning ability and learning habits.
I hope that many parents who feel that they have paid a lot will be aware of this problem, and we do not have to feel anxious because of the problems that our children temporarily show, let alone feel that their children are "sorry" for our efforts and behave in disappointment, despair or even sadness.
Now that the problems have been exposed, and since we have the heart and the strength to pay, it is better to solve those problems.
Because of this, we should encourage children to try boldly and have the courage to "make mistakes", because in the process, we have "escorted", where can children be wrong? We are perfectly capable of turning all kinds of problems into nourishment for children's progress and growth, don't you say?