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Wilde: "Be yourself, because everyone else has someone else to do." ”
This sentence applies to everyone, because you will always be you, others will always be others, you cannot be someone else, others cannot be you, whether you live in other people's rules or others live in your rules, it does not count as being yourself.
Usually, the "inner volume" that everyone calls has gone beyond the scope of "being yourself", and each participant seems to be doing himself on the surface, but in fact, he does not follow his own rules, otherwise he will not pay attention to what others do.
Some people say that the inner scroll is also meaningful to some extent, and some people say that "the threesome must have my teacher", and it is not a bad thing to refer to the living methods of others. This is actually a stealing of concepts, because a certain degree of meaning is not exactly equivalent to meaning, and "learning from example" and "going with the flow" are two completely different concepts.
For example, some people seem to choose marriage according to their own standards when dealing with feelings, but in fact, they lose themselves because they are anxious and blind, and they follow the rules of others, until their lives are getting farther and farther away from what they want, and they realize that they have not been able to stick to their own positions, just like the experience of the following reader.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
I remarried, married to someone I used to like, although his willingness to take over the divorce of me is a happy thing for me, but I am not particularly happy, because I can't reconcile with my past self, I could have married him directly, but it turned out to be a big circle.
I used to like him for three years, confessed, he did not refuse, just said that the timing is not right, can not get married, want to wait until more money, after buying a house, make sure that there are no big fluctuations in life before getting married.
At first, I was willing to wait for him, thinking that the two of us were destined, not to mention three years, even thirty years, I was willing to wait, and since then I have drawn a clear line with the other opposite sex.
However, I did not persist to the end, and in the process of waiting, I always openly and secretly urged marriage and pressured him. Seeing that he was not moved, my friends around me advised me to give up on him as soon as possible, saying that he would definitely not marry me: "Even if a man is forty years old, he can still marry a woman in his twenties, but when a woman is older, the range of mate choice will become narrower, and when he does not marry you, you will regret it." ”
I was shaken, and then my parents arranged a blind date for me, and after I met with each other, I found that the other party was not worse than the person I liked, and I could not firmly believe in the original plan, and finally at the urging of both parents, I was in a hurry to get engaged, and decided to go a different way from then on.
However, after getting married, I found out that the person I married was not as good as I thought before marriage, although the personality was similar to the person I liked, but it was uncomfortable to get along, he always made me angry, and unconsciously, many times I had to rush to catch up, he would do what he had to do.
It is tiring to live with such a person, although it is my responsibility and obligation to pay for marriage, but I am not the only participant in this marriage, I do not want to be dominated by me in everything, and occasionally I want to be lazy and want to see my other half pay for me.
Thinking that there was still a long way to go in my life, I decided to divorce because this marriage was not entirely my own choice, and I had to go back to the starting point and choose marriage on my own again.
To be honest, I wasn't sure if I would be able to marry the person I liked after the divorce, and I was ready to be rejected, thinking that even if I couldn't marry him, at least I was being myself, so that I wouldn't regret listening to the encouragement of others to go the wrong way.
What I didn't expect was that when I asked him if he was still willing to marry me, he said of course he was willing, but there was a condition: "I hope you don't hold your breath in the future, I am a person who says that I am waiting for the opportunity, and when the time comes, I will definitely marry you." Everything needs a process, if you always think about one step in place, what do you do after one step? Life is still better to have a cushion, otherwise it is better to give you a good life out of thin air, and it is only a castle in the air. ”
He was right, I didn't get married in a hurry before, I didn't hold my own position, I didn't insist on being myself, I was urged by my parents to be confused, thinking about doing everything I should do at once, but I ended up living a life that I was not satisfied with.
In 2022, what I want to say to myself the most is: For the rest of your life, may you be a smart woman, calm down, and go your own way.
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
Some will say that the reader bullied the honest man, some will say that the man who took over the plate is too stupid, in fact, the person who said such a thing, from their own standpoint, is not wrong; but this does not represent the position of others.
On the facts, the reader chooses the man he once liked, and re-choose a person is no different, after throwing out his own will, the rest is to see whether the other party is willing to accept, as long as the two sides hit it off, others are not qualified to talk nonsense, because they are doing themselves, others only need to do their own thing, do not make more nosy.
The most important thing for each of us is to judge whether our own choices are right or wrong, not to judge whether other people's choices are right or wrong. If you want to judge yourself, you must hold your breath, otherwise the judgment standard you use is most likely not your own standard.
I hope that everyone can understand the deep meaning of it, do not feel that these things have nothing to do with themselves, as long as you are human, as long as you need to make choices in life, "calm down and be yourself" is related to you. Don't always wait until something happens before you regret it, this happens almost all because you didn't stick to your position when you made your decision before, you didn't have your own judgment standards, and you didn't judge whether your choice was right or wrong.