The family has a highly sensitive baby, and it is the mother who collapses every minute!
Author: Wu Yang
Parents Research Institute (ID: mama_cn) original debut
01
Children cry when they can't move, and parents surrender every minute
What kind of experience is it to have a "sperm" child?
Recently watched a Korean parenting show, across the screen, all collapsed several times.
In the show, the little girl Charlene opens her eyes in the morning and encounters a small thing, even an inexplicable thing, and she will lose her temper and cry incessantly.
Mom carried her nursing brother into her room, and without warning she would yell at Mom, "Get out, get out, please get out." ”
When dad washed her hair, she not only insisted on covering her eyes with a towel, but if she accidentally put a little foam into her eyes, she kept cleaning her eyes anxiously and panicked.
When she came home from school, her mother did not open the door in advance to greet her, so she screamed "help" in the corridor.
When she and her dad play games together and lose, she gets angry enough to punch herself in the forehead.
Something like that happens almost every day in their house.
Irritable, crying, glass heart, such a child, almost every minute and second is testing the patience of parents, every minute want to shout for help.
This is where the raising of children, it is simply a time bomb placed around, and it is not known when she will explode.
Regarding Charlene's reaction, the experts on the scene of the show explained that the child belongs to the typical "allergic" reaction.
You know, this "allergy" is not a "allergy".
"High sensitivity" psychology
"Highly sensitive" children are often particularly sensitive to the details, light, taste, temperature, etc. in life; psychologically, the small details of life are also particularly easy to stimulate their hearts.
For example, when Charlene saw her mother carrying her brother into the room, it was not the boss's dislike for the second brother, but the "milk smell" on her brother, which made her feel uncomfortable.
In the same way, crying, glass heart, and tantrums almost all stem from "high sensitivity", and the slightest discomfort will touch their hearts.
Highly sensitive children seem to be covered with "minefields", so that the parents are often on the verge of madness.
02
Highly sensitive children are not "doing", but are born that way
In the family education observation program "After School", there is a two-child family.
The sister has a big personality, the younger brother is sensitive and fragile, and the sister with a large nerve is not careful, she encounters the brother's "thunder", and the child's mother feels that it is not a child, but two "Nezha", who are noisy all day.
To be precise, it was my brother's crying.
The sister was in a pile of books in her brother, trying to find a copy of "100,000 Whys", and after the younger brother learned about it, before he arrived at the scene, he was already crying and crying, crying angrily: Make a mess of my things;
The family makes games, competes with her sister for the venue, grabs it, and cries;
In the middle of the game, he wanted to go to the toilet, in order to rush back to play with his sister, forgot to wear pants, the sister looked at the bare-ass brother, couldn't help but laugh, the younger brother felt ridiculed, and cried...
Dad and Mom are almost always on the road to coaxing babies and coaxing babies.
Mother is very puzzled, why a child raised at home, a large nerve, no heart and no lungs, but a sensitive and fragile, bevalier?
Therefore, the mother also took the child to see a doctor.
Experts on the spot explained that every child has his innate "temperament", which is what ordinary people usually call "personality".
In fact, the famous American psychologist Elaine Allen also proposed a concept called "highly sensitive people", 15-20% of children are highly sensitive by nature, and the nervous system that processes perceptual information in their brains is different from ordinary people, and all feelings will be amplified to a certain extent.
To put it simply, "high sensitivity" is not a disease, but a "temperament", some children are lively, some children are quiet, is the same reason.
However, the "high sensitivity" performance image is magnified compared to the average person's various feelings in life.
So, for "highly sensitive" children, what can parents do except collapse?
D·O· E· Sa
Dr. Elaine Allen summarized the "D·O· E· S Law", pointing out the characteristics of highly sensitive children.
D stands for Depthof Processing
The specific performance is "a few beats slower" and doing things cautiously
In this case, the parents should become the children's "explanation flowers":
Replace the "can you hurry" that is about to blurt out with "Baby, did you think of something"; replace "others have learned, only you will not" with "Are you thinking about this"; replace "Do anything, grind and rub" with "Don't worry, let's take your time"...
When a child enters "deep processing", respecting his habits is the best encouragement.
O refers to Overstimulate (overactive)
The specific performance is "thinking too much"
A more common phenomenon is that children are clearly out of place when it comes to interpersonal interactions.
At this time, parents should act as the "protective umbrella" of their children.
When others say: Perform a poetry recitation for everyone. Parents can say: No, he seems to be a little reluctant to perform, let's not force him.
When others say: Why do boys cry so much? Parents need to explain for him: he is just soft on the inside, does not mean that we are not strong boys.
When others say: how he always stays alone, so lonely is not good. Parents can deal with it like this: he may feel a little noisy here, feel strange, mixed with you and you know that he is also a small talk box.
E means ImagelyReactive
The specific performance is "high empathy", which is easy to be affected by other people's emotions
Sad spring and sad autumn is a major feature of them, they care about the evaluation of others, even if the people around him are scolded, he will be sad for a long time.
At this time, parents should gently hold their children's hands and become their "guides":
When the child is frustrated by the evaluation of others, we can tell the child repeatedly and firmly: we do not need to be liked by everyone, as long as we are not ashamed;
When the child is stressed for others to be hurt, we need to guide the child: "Baby, everyone is responsible for their own actions, unhappiness is everyone's own right, we have to believe that he can recover." 」 ”
Help your child distinguish between themselves and others and not be responsible for the emotions of others.
S stands for Sensitiveto subtle stimuli
The specific performance is "drilling the horns", "perfectionism", super detail observation and sensitivity
Especially sensitive to the perception of smell and environment, at this time, parents need to put down the "label" of the child, and do not attach the words "temperament", "squeamishness" and "willfulness" to the child.
When we have conflicts with our children's "sensitivity", parents should know how to give their children more choices, such as:
Children do not like to eat heavy smelling food, you can increase the variety, let the child choose independently, including choosing to eat or not to eat;
The child does not want to wear this dress, so let him choose which dress to wear;
With the joy of active choice, gradually reducing sensitivity brings away a bad feeling.
No matter what kind of child, with the support of their parents, they can always live a relatively motivated life.
Children with high sensitivity need more parental support.
03
High sensitivity is not a disease, but a gift
Hong Kong director Liu Zhenwei once commented on Stephen Chow:
"He is often misunderstood for playing cool with big names, but he is actually a very ugly (shy) person. When filming "Journey to the West", I saw him sweep the floor with migrant workers with brooms.
Once, after finishing work, he wanted to talk to me about the drama, and secretly stuffed a note under the door of my hotel room. In fact, Xingzai is usually afraid of contacting strangers and is not active enough, so it is easy to be misunderstood. ”
Yes, comedy superstar Stephen Chow is a "highly sensitive person".
In his childhood, he was introverted and shy, did not like to talk, did not like the outside, a person can watch a street scene for an hour or two, and his mother once thought that he had a brain problem.
Until he became an adult, he was the same, in the face of other people's accusations, denigration, misunderstanding, rarely responded positively, always quietly worked hard, improved himself, and amazed everyone.
However, in the eyes of others, the taciturn and brain-sick behavior, psychotherapist Ils Sander believes that:
"High sensitivity is not a disease, but a gift, the best gift from Heaven."
The process of "deep processing" allows them to understand the nature of things more comprehensively;
The process of "overactivity" allowed them to choose a safer path and minimize unnecessary losses;
The process of "emotional high feedback" enables them to perceive human nature and human hearts more sensitively, and has a super high emotional appeal;
The process of "sensitive details" allows them to see that ordinary people can't see things, do things perfectly, and strive for excellence.
A person who is good at seeing through the essence, handling things accurately, infecting people's hearts, and tending to perfection has a success rate that is beyond ordinary people.
Zhou Guoping said in the book "Proverbs of Education":
"Education is growth, that is, healthy growth of each person's nature and innate abilities, which is successful education."
Highly sensitive children, behind the shortcomings, also hide advantages that are difficult for others to reach.
Polite and elegant, stable and sensible, considerate of others, and serious in work.
For each child, they always have advantages and disadvantages coexisting, and smart parents often know how to use the education method of "throwing in their favor" to guide their children to meet his life.
04
Finally, I would like to share with you a highly sensitive child test form, which interested parents can test on their own in order to better target the child's situation and effectively raise them.
The following options, if the child's situation is more consistent or has ever been, can check "Yes", if not, check "No".
If there are more than 13 Yes options, it means that the child may be a "highly sensitive child".
1. Easily frightened
2. Complain that the clothes are rough, the socks are too tight, and the clothes label is uncomfortable
3. In general, I don't like unexpected big surprises
4. Gentle persuasion is more effective than severe punishment
5. It seems that you can read the hearts of adults
6. Strong language skills, often use over-aged vocabulary
7. Will notice some very subtle smells or tastes
8. Often appear humorous or witty
9. Seems to have a good intuition about things
10. If you play too excited in a day, it will be difficult to fall asleep
11. When encountering major changes, it is often difficult to adapt
12. If the clothes are wet or dirty, you will be asked to change your clothes immediately
13. There are always endless questions
14. Perfectionists
15. Will notice the unhappiness of the people around you
16. Loved being alone and playing quietly
17. Sometimes deep questions that need to be thought about are asked
18. Appears very sensitive to pain
19. In a noisy environment, it will appear restless
20. Pay great attention to details (e.g. items change location)
21. Before climbing to an elevated place, consider whether it is safe
22. When no stranger is present, they will behave more freely
23. Feeling things more deeply than the average child
-END-
Parents Research Institute (ID: mama_cn), research on new knowledge of family education for 1-6 years old, is the mother's educational notes, is the father's baby guide, is the child's growth energy station. Please contact the Parents Institute for reproduction. Author: Wu Yang. The copyright of the above illustrations belongs to the original official account.
Editing in this issue: Chestnuts