What kind of love do you meet? What is going on in the lover's heart? How exactly to deal with him... These puzzles, like the Da Vinci code, must often haunt you in your relationship.
In the classic love thriller "Fatal Attraction", the married male protagonist Dan, in the emptiness and loneliness, has a one-night stand with a single female colleague Alex. Afterwards, a remorseful Dan prepares to end the immoral relationship, but Alex seems to be demonized and frantically refuses to break up. She cut her wrists and harmed herself, stalked and spied on his daughter, and finally infiltrated his house, even preparing to kill his wife... She tearfully confides in herself how much she loves him, but in reality, her love for him is "pathological infatuation."
Psychologist Susan Foward, in her book "There is a Disease Called Love", has revealed this "pathological obsession": patients often indulge in their own love fantasies, while projecting their perfect lover's views on each other, while turning a blind eye to each other's true characteristics, they become sensitive, possessive, extremely eager for each other's attention and unreasonable, very small things will make them excited...
There was such a case: Xiao Zhou's last relationship was a sister-brother relationship, and at the beginning, she also felt that it was a thing worth showing off to be liked by a 5-year-old "little fresh meat". But soon after the relationship, she found that something was wrong: this boy called her more than a dozen times a day, mentally and physically like an addiction to her, always asking her if she loved herself, once she did not get a satisfactory answer, she was depressed; Xiao Zhou ignored him a little, he lost his temper and made a fuss, threatening to break up. In the end, Xiao Zhou proposed to break up, and the boy still followed her every day, even sitting on the stairwell of her house all night, like a homeless child.
Doesn't it really look a bit like poignant "true love"? But Xiao Zhou felt that such "true love" made her suffocate, don't stop. "The point is, I don't feel his love, I just feel that he acts like a sleepwalking patient, taking care of himself, and I don't see my joys and sorrows in his eyes."
The infatuated party feels that he is truly in love with the other party, but is in pain because he does not get the expected response; the infatuated party feels only the other party's demand, control, consumption and excessive dependence. These fascinations in the name of true love put people's lives under tremendous pressure. So, how do you identify the person you're in a relationship with as "pathologically infatuated" and not true love? The following items are available for reference:
1. His feelings come particularly quickly. You think it was love at first sight, a soul bonding between lightning stones and fire, but in fact, his "love" was out of his own wishful thinking. True love is based on understanding. But pathological infatuation can not understand each other at all, dare to easily say love.
2. His mood swings are large and attributable to you. He loves to be suspicious, jealous, and often quarrels with you over small things. He's always worried about you leaving him and needs you to take care of his emotions all the time, putting all the negatives down to "he loves you".
3. He seems to be inseparable from you for a moment, and is particularly prone to anxiety. You only need to call back 5 minutes late, he is anxious and restless, and he needs your report at all times.
4. His life and work will be greatly affected. Pathological obsessives can experience attention deficits in other areas of obligation (e.g., work, housework, study, etc.) after they are in a relationship. Anxiety, depression, and inattention became common and even dominant feelings for him.
5. He also uncontrollably feels destructive inner impulses. When your actions trigger his pain and negativity, he will make some extreme negative actions, such as self-punishment, self-harm, and he will punish you in this way and make you listen to him - in fact, sometimes you don't understand where you hurt him. And once you decide to stop the loss in time and break up with him, he will pester, threaten and plead, force him to die, and even threaten to retaliate against you.
If there is the above performance, it can basically be judged as "pathological infatuation". The relationship that such a person has is toxic, you are not a drug dealer, and he is like an addict in the relationship.
Don't be complacent: Isn't it a good thing to have someone who loves himself so wildly? No! Under the domination of pathological infatuation, he will only get more and more crazy, and eventually the love in his mouth will become dangerous and oppressive, controlling and possessive, and eventually burn both of you. Recognize this psychological condition earlier, my dear, this is not a love that makes you comfortable and growing.