The reason why you feel contradictory is because you have not distinguished between love and heartbeat.
The heartbeat is the emotion, is the curiosity, is the freshness, is the normal physiological instinct of the animal in the face of the excellent opposite sex;
The romantic relationship is rationality, confirmation, a sense of stability, and a responsibility that people still choose to protect and assume after eliminating emotions.
In other words, it is perfectly normal for you to be attracted to other boys.
Because you are a human being, you are bound by feelings, you have the desire to explore and mu qiang of the opposite sex, have your own preferences and aesthetics, and have uncontrollable emotions, and have hormones that are still young and on the verge of being triggered.
The reason why you feel overwhelmed is only because you are bound by morality - you feel that after you have a boyfriend, you should not be interested in other boys, otherwise you will be a scumbag, morally corrupt, and everyone will shout and beat.
However, you overlook one thing: the heart is not wrong, betrayal is wrong.
If your heartbeat prompts you to be unable to concentrate on your relationship, pick a grudge against your boyfriend, or even try to step on two boats, affecting the quality of your relationship, then something is wrong.
First, how to judge their "heartbeat" and whether it affects the relationship between two people?
The following gives some specific criteria, you can sit in the number and judge it:
1, can not treat the boyfriend objectively, think that the boyfriend is inferior to others everywhere
Your heartbeat is not just a heartbeat, you extend your unrealistic fantasies about the other party on this basis.
You can't objectively face the current situation, extremely determine that your boyfriend is inferior to the other party, and over-beautify the other party, thus affecting your evaluation and attitude towards your boyfriend.
You can no longer provide positive feedback for the relationship, but become a bottomless pit of desire and dissatisfaction, your mind is not on the boyfriend, but lingering around, unable to provide positive fuel for the relationship, the subconscious is accumulating dissatisfaction with the other party, alienating each other.
2, think that if you change your boyfriend, you will have a better life than now
Do you know when a person regrets it? It was at a time when she thought she was having a bad time now.
But you have to understand that you're not really having a bad time — you only think you're having a bad time after you've had a crush on the other members of the opposite sex.
As a result, you will blame all the current dissatisfaction on the boyfriend and this relationship that is not perfect; you will see the originally normal couple conflict as a flaw brought by the boyfriend's unilateral.
3, broken jars broken, deliberately destroy the relationship
Observe whether the heartbeat of others inspires your dark side.
When you start trying to fantasize about breaking up with your boyfriend, you start to think that life will be better after the breakup, but you know that you have a loss first, so you simply look for an opportunity to break up.
In the face of contradictions, you no longer try to solve them, and you will not take good care of the business relationship, watching the feelings become worse and worse, but you feel just like your heart.
4. Do not reject the pursuit of the heart-mover, and do not take the initiative to distance themselves from the heart-mover
A person who is truly responsible and responsible for intimate relationships, even if temporarily attracted to external objects, is clear that it is only hormonal.
But if, on the other hand, mistake the thrill of freshness as love itself, and try to replace truly precious relationships, is the beginning of betrayal.
To sum up, if your heartbeat is only emotional and does not affect your current emotional state, then it is not a big deal.
Because emotions will always be flat, will always pass, and can always be manipulated by reason.
But if your heartbeat becomes a drive, drives you to be extremely paranoid, drives you to give up responsibility, drives you out of the wall, then something is wrong.
Second, how should we correctly deal with inappropriate "heartbeats" in feelings?
If the heartbeat is still controllable, how should it be handled correctly?
The correct way of handling, divided into three modules:
1. Adjust your mindset
The first step is to adjust your mindset.
In the face of the heartbeat of other opposite sexes in the relationship, it is recommended to treat it with a normal heart. Because, the more self-condemning you are, the easier it is to arouse the desire of human nature to explore forbidden areas.
When you define yourself as a "scumbag," you become more freewheeling in what you do. Because you have lowered your lower limit, you are naturally not afraid of "breaking the jar and breaking the can".
The right mindset is to still admit that you are the girlfriend in an intimate relationship, you still have the right to love and be loved, and the temporary temptation is more like an emotional cold. What you have to do is to strengthen the maintenance of existing feelings and the viscosity of existing lovers, so as to get through this cold together.
2. Strengthen communication and interaction with each other
Believe me, when you feel that your feelings are being torn apart by others, the other person will have the same perception.
The relationship between two people is easy to drift apart inexplicably during this time, and the more distant the two people are, the less likely you are to return to the relationship.
So, when you perceive that your feelings have been divided up, the best thing to do is to make up for the other person.
Spend more time with each other, give more patience, strengthen the in-depth communication between the two sides, and pay more attention to each other's advantages and shining points. Get back to the feeling of being together when they were just together.
3, stop loss in time, do not give yourself the opportunity to make mistakes
While strengthening the emotional viscosity of both parties, we must also take the initiative to stay away from undeserved temptations.
If you are not sure enough about yourself, it is better to use physical methods to put your feelings on the right track.
For example, taking the initiative to disclose the fact that he already has a boyfriend, showing more intimacy with his boyfriend, taking the initiative to stay away from the boy who is moved, rejecting his further interaction, and so on.
In short, you have insufficient self-control over yourself, then release some signals, create unobtainability, and let the other party take the initiative to stay away from you.
I am a profound, national second-level psychological counselor, translator of the book "Non-violent Communication Between The Sexes", a member of the Dalian Psychological Association, 34 years old, married and child-bearing, willing to share my own attitude with you.