Text/Su Xin
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01
Not long ago, one of my high school classmates suffered from depression, perhaps due to her own personality, or perhaps because she encountered a knot in her life that could not be understood, in short, she shut herself at home, unwilling to contact the outside world, and paid more attention to the concern of others.
In fact, she also expected this disease in my mind, I remember that when she was still studying, there was a speech contest organized by the school, and the teacher mobilized several students in the class to participate, and she was also among them.
She was already confident, but on the first day of the competition, the school informed all the contestants to wear white shirts, and she was missing one such dress. As a result, she made a decision that surprised everyone and withdrew from the game.
Later, I asked her why she had easily given up such a good opportunity, she said that she had no clothes, but she didn't want to borrow them from others.
When she grew up and entered the society, she always liked to keep a polite distance from others, and never bothered others, unless forced to do so. Therefore, she rarely has any friends and has always been alone.
Psychologists have had this view, people who don't like to trouble others, generally interpersonal relationships are particularly simple, except for their own relatives, there are almost no friends.
Such people, most of the time, face the dilemma, they are trying to solve it by themselves, and if they can't solve it on their own, they simply concede defeat and surrender. But in the heart they are not willing, so such people often suppress their inner thoughts, and will not vent their emotions, over time, people will naturally become pessimistic and negative.
This classmate of mine did well in her studies, but after graduating for so many years, she changed countless jobs, and others were rooted and grown in one place, and she had to start over every once in a while. After a few years, everyone has achieved good results, and she is still standing still in place.
People around her have suggested that she have more contact with her former classmates, and maybe there will be good job opportunities to recommend it, but she just doesn't want to trouble others, and successive frustrations eventually make her suffer from depression.
Someone said: "There are two ways in which a person can evolve himself, one is self-help, and the other is to ask for help." ”
When a person can't solve the problem on their own, they must learn to ask for help.
02
Successful people know how to "borrow power", that is, when encountering difficulties, they must ask for help from the outside, and do not be afraid to trouble others.
Many people think that to trouble others is to lower their dignity, or even to lower their dignity, after all, you are adding trouble to the other party. But, in reality, this is a misconception.
When you ask for help from others, you are not blindly asking for it from the other party, but you must remember the kindness of the other party and find a suitable occasion to give back.
Franklin said, "If you want to make a friend, ask him to do you a favor." "Sometimes friendship starts with trouble with others.
Once, actor Liu Tao's safe was stolen, and the safe contained valuable jewelry, but she was in Denmark, helpless, and she did not know what to do.
After learning of this news, wang Han, a friend in the circle, immediately sent a request to the Danish embassy in China, and with the efforts of many parties, he finally found this box of expensive jewelry.
Friends were amazed that Wang Han had such a wide network of contacts, but Wang Han said that all such good connections were only because he was good at "trouble"ing others.
According to Wang Han, one year he had a very difficult disease to treat, and then an old Chinese medicine doctor prescribed him a medicine, but there were several herbs that were only available in Yunnan and Guizhou, and it was difficult to find.
In order to treat the disease, Wang Han began to ask for people everywhere, and he finally found a local friend, who was entrusted by Wang Han not only to find the medicinal materials he needed, but also to help him process the finished capsule according to the requirements of Chinese medicine, which saved Wang Han a lot of intermediate pharmaceutical links.
Wang Han was very touched and thanked the friend, but the friend said, "You can think of bothering me because you regard me as a friend." Friend, isn't it for trouble? ”
It is precisely because of this sentence that Wang Han realized that "trouble" others is actually not an embarrassing thing, but in the process of troubleing others, he can make real friends.
Therefore, he passed on the true feelings of that friend, and whenever anyone asked him for help, he would definitely try his best to help, and he was never afraid of being troubled by others.
We live in the big family of society, although we are independent individuals, but also to learn to cooperate, after all, the strength of one person is limited, only by helping each other, everyone collecting firewood, there will be more ways to solve various problems encountered in life.
But while troubleing others, we must also remember to be grateful and pass on this spirit of helping others.
03
Why would someone rather give up than ask for help?
In fact, it is nothing more than self-esteem at work.
Like the classmate I mentioned earlier, when she was a student, she was afraid that she would be ridiculed by her classmates for borrowing clothes, so she simply gave up the well-prepared speech contest. After graduation, due to the setbacks in her work, she could have developed better with the help of her old classmates, but her self-esteem made her give up asking for help again.
This kind of person is sensitive and humble in his heart, and he does not want to ask for help, but he is more afraid that his help will bring trouble to others and be ridiculed by others at the same time.
But while avoiding being ridiculed, he also lost the opportunity.
Psychologist Wu Zhihong said: "Many people are afraid of trouble with others, but if they do not trouble each other, the relationship cannot be established." People with this troublesome philosophy have difficulty in expressing a desire for relationship, so they are bound to retreat into loneliness."
So, people who don't like to trouble others very much, usually have few friends, they are lonely, and it is easier to escape or give up when they encounter difficulties. If such a person can maintain a Buddhist mentality, it is fine, but the most feared thing is that he can neither solve the problem nor be willing, so it is very dangerous.
Learning to trouble others, in fact, is to learn a kind of problem-solving ability, only good at borrowing, in order to better face the difficulties in life, out of the dilemma of life.
As a netizen on Zhihu said: "You have to believe that our help can not only open up others, but also open up ourselves, and every help we seriously seek will gain something for ourselves." ”
END.