"The first thing my daughter did when she woke up was to find her mother, and she couldn't do without it."
"Every time I go to work, it's like staging an 'infernal affairs', if you don't leave quietly, the baby will cry and tear his heart and lungs"
Every once in a while, I will receive some private messages like Bao Mom, as long as the mother leaves the baby's side, the baby will immediately cry and make trouble, so sweet trouble, so that many Bao Moms do not know how to be good.
Why does the mother cry and make trouble when the baby goes out?
British developmental psychologist John Ballby once proposed the "attachment theory", which refers to the special emotional connection between the baby and the main caregiver (usually the mother).
As the baby's self-awareness slowly awakens, emotional development begins to realize for the first time the difference between "familiar" and "unfamiliar", and recognizes the attachment relationship with the mother.
When he clearly understands that some "objects" in the world are unique and eternal, he will fear the loss of the mother, and even a very brief separation will make the baby feel uneasy, and thus cry and make trouble.
In psychology, this manifestation of the baby is called "separation anxiety", in addition to the mother's departure and crying and making trouble, there are several manifestations:
1. Very clingy, can not accept the care of others except the mother;
2. Unwilling to sleep alone, the first thing to do when you wake up is to find your mother, otherwise you will cry and scream;
3. After the mother returns from a short absence, the baby may cry louder and make more violent noises.
In general, separation anxiety will appear at about 6-8 months, peak around 10 months to 1 and a half years old, and gradually disappear at 1 and a half to 2 years old.
Of course, each baby's situation is different, and some babies' separation anxiety is very serious, and it will appear later, and it may not be able to adapt until the age of 3 or 4.
Therefore, in summary, the mother's crying and making trouble when the baby goes out is actually a necessary stage in the growth process, and it is not a special behavior of a baby.
The baby's "separation anxiety" is strong, which is actually not a bad thing
When the mother sees the baby crying so much, her heart will inevitably feel that it is not a taste, and even worry about whether the baby's performance is not normal?
In fact, according to the "attachment theory" in psychology, the baby can be so "indulgent" in front of the mother, which just shows that the two are in an ideal secure attachment relationship, and the baby feels enough love and security to behave "unscrupulously".
This phenomenon has been explained in the American Parenting Encyclopedia: when the mother is not there, the baby behaves like an angel, in fact, because the baby does not trust other people enough to dare to test their bottom line.
Therefore, the baby's separation anxiety shows that his cognitive ability has developed healthily and he has established a good attachment relationship with his mother.
If the mother finds that the baby is indifferent when she leaves, she needs to carefully consider whether there is any problem with the baby's mode of getting along with the baby and the education method adopted.
How to properly cope with separation anxiety?
1. Let the baby recognize the concept of "object constancy"
The reason why babies have separation anxiety is that when the mother leaves, they will mistakenly think that this is a permanent separation, and the mother's love will disappear completely, and they cannot realize that "even if the mother leaves, she will come back after a while and still loves me."
Therefore, when dealing with separation anxiety, the mother should establish a concept of "object constancy" for the baby, in other words, let him understand that "not seeing the mother does not mean that the mother does not exist, everything is only temporary".
For example, when the mother needs to go out to work, you can let the baby be sent to the door, tell him that he is going to work, watch himself leave, and establish a sense of confirmation with the baby in this way, so that she understands that "the mother goes to work does not mean disappearing, not really leaving."
2. Avoid quietly leaving, nor do you easily compromise
Seeing that the baby is so hysterical, some mothers can't bear to face it, sometimes they will take advantage of the baby's sleep to quietly leave, and sometimes they are really hard to compromise with the baby.
In fact, these two ways of coping are very wrong, since you need to leave, the mother should face it sincerely, tell the child the purpose of going out, rather than secretly leaving to deceive him, such a way will only make the child lose the sense of security, is not conducive to establishing a normal attachment relationship with the mother.
And once the mother compromises with the baby, it is easy to create an illusion for the baby: as long as I cry loud enough and act sad enough, the mother will not leave.
The next time the mother needs to go out again, the baby will show more severe separation anxiety, making it more difficult for the mother to choose.
3. Find the right approach for yourself
Each baby and mother get along with different patterns, understanding ability, psychological quality is also very different, so in order to correctly cope with separation anxiety, mothers also need to find a more suitable way for themselves.
For example, fully giving the child comfort, letting the father participate more in parenting, doing psychological construction for the baby in advance every time he goes out, giving the baby a toy she likes, etc., understanding and respecting the child's growth, giving them a greater sense of security, in order to truly alleviate the baby's separation anxiety.
Old Miao Conclusion:
The child's growth rate will often be much faster than we expected, and maybe in just the past few years, his attitude will change by 180 degrees, and he will gradually have his own little secrets and need you to protect his privacy.
Therefore, in the face of the child's "separation anxiety", in fact, the mother does not have to be too annoyed, as long as she adopts the correct coping method and cherishes this period of intimacy with the child.
Today's Topic: How Do You Deal with Separation Anxiety in Your Child?