Have you spoken to your children like this in your life?
"Why do you always litter?"
"How many times have I told you, remember to flush after going to the toilet!"
"I dropped the cup again, why are you so useless!"
The same is true if parents say this:
"The garbage should be thrown in the trash."
"The toilet you just went to hasn't flushed yet."
"Next time pay attention, it is not easy to drop the cup in the future."
In another way of expression, the child's feelings and acceptance after listening are very different.
Speaking well is a compulsory lesson for parents.
01
Mr. Cai Yuanpei said in the book "The Cultivation of Chinese":
What determines a child's life is not academic performance, but sound personality cultivation! What should the right homeschooling be?
Good education can help children treat their curiosity well and cultivate children's problem-solving skills.
A Thai public service advertisement "Bean Sprouts Trigger Dreams" is adapted from a real story, the little girl's mother sells vegetables in the market, only the fourth grade of education, but the little girl was trained to become a doctor.
The little girl, Named Ju, lives in a poor family in Thailand, and her mother makes a living selling vegetables at a wet market. Ju's childhood began in the wet market...
It turned out that the little girl Ju saw that there were many people buying sprouts at the bean sprouts stall, so she asked her mother: "Why do bean sprouts sell so well?" ”
Mom replied, "Because there's only one stall selling sprouts." ”
The young Ju was very business-minded, and she asked her mother, "So can we grow it and sell it?" ”
Mom hesitated, but she thought about it and said to Ju, "Well, let's try." ”
The first attempt failed, and Ju's mom's response was, "It's okay, let's try again." ”
Later, after continuous exploration, the mother and daughter finally succeeded in planting bean sprouts.
No matter what difficulties are encountered, the mother always patiently says "let's try" to the little girl, and the simple four words contain the mother's care for the child's curiosity and the enlightenment of the child's spirit of inquiry.
It is more important to enable children to accept the value of "whether we are successful or not, we must continue to try".
Obviously, it is only a simple 3-minute short film, but it conveys the true meaning of education.
Successful tutoring stems from the relationship between parents and children, and the tone of voice affects the child's life.
02
Language is emotional, and every word you say is connected, which may bring warmth to people, but it can also bring harm.
Jimmy said that the child would rather be stabbed by a cactus than hear the adults sneer at him.
Home is not only a transmission channel of love and warmth, but also a transmission channel of hatred and harm.
I remember that there was a variety show where Song Dandan brought his son Batuu as a guest. In the whole program, only Song Dandan's continuous spit and blows to his son were heard:
Seeing other people's children making breakfast for everyone, Song Dandan said, "Why are you so stupid?" I gave birth to a waste... Tell the Civil Affairs Bureau that I want to change my son. ”
When Batuu scrambled to make eggs for her, she taunted her son for being clumsy and complained that the soot he raised had soiled his porridge and face.
Huang Lei needed Batuu to make a chicken nest, and Song Dandan said on the side: "If you can make a chicken nest, I think this child is not in vain." Batuu was embarrassed to hear this, and mocked himself: "I grew up to make a chicken nest, didn't I?" ”
In fact, Song Dandan is a typical Chinese parent, they will hardly give their children trust and respect, making fun of, sarcastic, and hitting is their usual means of educating their children, thinking that they can stimulate their children.
People who are often hit by their parents will have extreme inferiority and will often fall into strong emotions of self-doubt and self-denial.
03
Some time ago, I saw a news on the Internet that "because of a dispute over an off-campus make-up class, a 15-year-old girl stabbed her father to death with a knife", which made people heartbroken.
Luo Shan (pseudonym), a 15-year-old girl in Dongkou County, Hunan Province, was beaten and scolded by Luo Zhongguang for an argument with her father Luo Zhongguang (pseudonym) over weekends of off-campus make-up classes.
Subsequently, Luo Zhongguang scolded his wife Zeng Mou because of his children's education problems, and Luo Shan saw that his emotions were out of control, and he stabbed Luo Zhongguang with a fruit knife at home, causing his rescue to be ineffective and dead.
The reporter's investigation learned that Luo Zhongguang was a teacher at a middle school in Dongkou County before his death, and he was usually a good person, treated students very well, and was also very responsible for his family.
Daughter Roshan is also very competitive, since she was a child, she was a bully, not only admitted to the local key high school but also assigned to the "rocket class" where the top students are located.
Luo Zhongguang's wife worked in the hospital, and more than forty days ago, she had just given birth to her second child, and she was a boy.
In the eyes of relatives and friends, the Luo family is an enviable and happy home.
The fly in the ointment is that Luo Zhongguang has a bad temper and is somewhat impatient. I often can't help but criticize my daughter, say ugly things like "you don't deserve to wipe someone else's ass", and often abuse her daughter.
Because of his violent discipline, Roshan was very rebellious and disobeyed his father's discipline. Students who had made up classes at Luo Zhongguang's house had witnessed the scene of the father and daughter arguing.
Luo Zhongguang found that Roshan was playing with the mobile phone and took it away, and Luo Shan threw herself at her father, trying to get the mobile phone back.
While swooping and grabbing, she scratched her father's hands and face, and then Luo Zhongguang pressed Roshan to the bed to subdue him, and the two tore on the bed.
Roshan also ran away from home because of domestic violence by her father.
On the afternoon of March 18, because Luo Shan missed an off-campus tutoring class, Luo Zhongguang once again abused him and beat his wife, who had just given birth for more than 40 days.
Emotionally out of control, Roshan stabbed her father with a knife...
It is really regrettable that the family, which should be happy and happy, has ended up with such a miserable end.
Is there anything parents and children can't say well? Do you have to use harsh rebukes and scolding to express love? Can the Luo family's tragedy sound a wake-up call for us?
04
The Chinese nation is a humble nation. In terms of educating children, it is easy to fall into a misunderstanding: not paying attention to appreciating the advantages of children, and overemphasizing children's mistakes.
It is impossible for a child to be free of fault. When a child does something wrong, do not blindly criticize and blame, but help him to learn lessons in his mistakes, accumulate experience, and encourage him to succeed again.
There is such a child, although he has bad grades, loves to play games, and does not study every day, but in the end he was admitted to the University of Chinese in Hong Kong and completed the counterattack from scum to bully, what kind of transformation did he experience?
This kid didn't like learning much since he was a kid.
Later, a change in his family gave him the idea of studying hard.
He once asked his mother: Mother, I am so stupid, my grades are so bad, how can you still love me!
His mom put it this way:
Netizens have praised the mother's behavior, believing that the mother's unconditional love has encouraged the success of the child.
People are not sages, parents in the day and night with their children will inevitably be exhausted patience by chicken and garlic, chai rice oil and salt, unconsciously can not talk to their children well, this is the common sentiment of people, do not have to blame themselves too much.
But what parents should know is that the purpose of talking well with children is not just to make children obedient, but to let children better understand their parents, understand their parents, get touched and infected from them, stimulate their own energy, and thus grow better.
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