A mother recently had a headache with her daughter's "glass heart" problem: her 12-year-old daughter is very sensitive, a little wronged, and tears are swirling in her eyes, so that the adults in the family dare not say serious things to their children. She is very worried that if her daughter continues like this, it will be difficult for her to adapt to the real social life in the future. I have to admit that the psychological vulnerability of some children is very worrying to parents and teachers.
| What is a "glass heart"?
As the name suggests, the heart is as fragile and fragile as glass, can not listen to heavy words, others have not yet begun to be fierce, they will first feel uncomfortable; can not humbly accept the criticism of others, after listening to both angry and sad; can not face failure, encounter some difficulties and give up on themselves. Such children are sensitive and care too much about the emotions and evaluations of others, and are therefore extremely vulnerable. Obviously, too glassy is not the appropriate psychological foundation that children should have.
| Why do children have "glass hearts"?
First, the behavior of parents leads to children's easy "glass heart"
1, the child is not safe. When the child is insecure, there will usually be a situation where the emotions are out of control, this is because the heart is full of fear and uneasiness, but the child will not comb and express his own emotions, and can only get the attention of others through crying, and use this way to vent the uneasiness in his heart.
2, the child is not enough respect. When children are always ignored at home or in front of their parents, children's emotions and needs cannot be seen and satisfied at the first time, and over time, children will become very scarce and vulnerable. Because it has been neglected for a long time, even a small thing in daily life can become the last straw that overwhelms the camel.
3, parents intervene too much. When parents intervene too much in their children, and the children have no autonomy, the children will feel that I can't control anything, so everything will be compared. When encountering something unpleasant or unhappy, the child's first thought is not how to solve it, but how to vent their dissatisfaction, because they know that their parents will help them solve it.
Second, excessive expectations lead to children's glass hearts
Excessive expectations make children full of pressure and unable to accept the gap between ideals and reality. Children who are accustomed to "excellent" are the hope in the hearts of parents and the role models in the mouths of teachers, but behind them, the children's inner pressures, pains and entanglements are known only to themselves. They bear expectations from all sides, and they have extremely high self-esteem for themselves, especially afraid of failing to live up to the expectations of adults. Because of fear, it is also more vulnerable. Such children often collapse with an invisible high-voltage line in their hearts, and when they encounter a little twist and turn, there is a danger of collapse, such as fluctuating grades or encountering difficulties in learning, and it is easy to be anxious, helpless and discouraged.
Other children simply give up and refuse to challenge difficult things in order to avoid disappointment. The performance of not being able to afford to lose is the best example. When the child succeeds, the parents continue to praise and reward the child, and rarely tell the child what to do if he loses? What if I fail? Parents' expectations of their children's success lead to children's inability to correctly view winning and losing, they are afraid of their parents' disappointment, afraid of losing their love and recognition, and finally afraid of failure, accustomed to escape.
Third, the child's glass heart may also be a personality trait
The glass heart is not exactly a problem of resistance to frustration, and the core feature of the glass heart is sensitivity. In the book "Discovering the Power of Sensitive Children", Dr. Elaine Allen mentioned a word called "high sensitivity". Highly sensitive individuals are naturally more concerned about their surroundings than the average person, and they are used to thinking twice before doing things. On the other hand, the average person does not pay attention to too many details, and it is easy to act quickly or even appear impulsive. So sensitive people, whether children or adults, are more compassionate, smarter, sharper and more creative, and they are careful and cautious because they can think about the consequences of their actions and are therefore less likely to make mistakes. But they become overwhelmed when they encounter "high volumes" or a lot of information.
They try to avoid external stimuli, so they appear timid and shy, and are not very social. When overstimulation is inevitable, they can easily appear frustrated and "overly sensitive." That is to say, this kind of high sensitivity is a character trait of children, it is not entirely a bad thing, some children rely on sensitive observation, do things cautiously, and have strong empathy. Of course, the pain that accompanies this trait is that you are particularly concerned about the every move of others, care about the opinions of others, and your own emotions also rise and fall. For example, some children will be extremely sad because their peers do not play with themselves, they will be miserable because of a friend's unintentional words, and they will doubt their mother's love because of a warning look from their mother. They pay too much attention to the emotions of others and associate them with themselves, unconsciously enlarging and aggravating small things, and are more likely to be hurt inside. Such a child needs proper guidance from parents, calms his emotions in time, and does not label the child.
| How to channel your child's "glass heart"?
Help children develop correct self-perception and learn how to face the eyes of others correctly. When a child feels hurt because of others, we can help him analyze whether other people's words and deeds are reasonable, what your feelings are, and what we can do next. This kind of analysis and review can effectively help the child establish healthy personal boundaries, and he knows what kind of evaluation is beneficial, what kind of rejection is reasonable, and what kind of vision can not be put on the heart. Over time, he has his own judgment, small contradictions in interpersonal relationships, and he can come out on his own.
In short, the more sensitive and vulnerable the child, the more parents need to maintain a calm and peaceful heart, and can accept the child's failure, our mentality is stronger, the child's psychological resilience will gradually be cultivated.