Putting "sacrifice" on the lips, is it possible to let the child carry the weight forward?

Miao Miao is a well-behaved child, she knows that her parents come out early and return late every day, and use the money from hard work to sell vegetables to provide for her own schooling, so she has been studying hard and striving to get good results in every exam. In life, she is also a very parent, trying to help her parents do more housework.

But whenever this time comes, parents will say bitterly: "Baby, we don't need you to help us work, as long as you study well!" You know, our hopes are all on you, and you're going to get into a good university!" Your task is to study hard, so that you can live up to our hard work and dedication today!"

Miao Miao took her parents' words to heart and vowed to live up to her parents' efforts and hopes. In terms of study, she worked harder than any of her classmates, listened carefully to lectures every day, actively completed homework, did various homework and exercises at night, and did not sleep until 11. After several years of hard work, she was finally admitted to a key middle school and won a scholarship from the school. However, as the expectations of parents are getting higher and higher, the pressure on Miao Miao has become more and more great. Especially after going to middle school, "there are more and more subjects, homework is becoming more and more heavy, coupled with people outside the sky, Miao Miao even if they work hard, the results are not ideal." At this time, parents will complain: We work so hard, we are not willing to eat well, wear good clothes, all for your study, why can't you get good grades?" 」 Are you so your part to live up to our efforts?

Listening to the efforts and sacrifices of her parents, Miao Miao's sense of guilt became heavier and heavier, believing that only by insisting on studying hard and achieving good results in the exams would she not fail to live up to her parents' expectations. The more this is the case, the greater the psychological pressure of Miao Miao, and the less ideal the learning effect is. Finally, under the blow of multiple pressures, Miao Miao's physical and mental state had problems, and she even suffered from depression.

It is the ardent hope of Miao Miao's parents that makes the child lose the liveliness and happiness that should be in her teens, carrying heavy pressure, and it is also the parents who hang up their "sacrifices" every day, which makes the child feel a heavy sense of guilt, almost crushing her weak shoulders and destroying her young heart.

All parents have made such and such sacrifices for their children and have willingly made sacrifices for their children. However, once this "sacrifice" becomes a weapon for us to educate our children, and we often put it on our lips, then, in the eyes of the child, there is nothing but pressure.

Over time, children may become more and more suspicious of themselves and become more and more inferior.

More seriously, this heavy pressure and strong sense of guilt will overwhelm the child, causing them to produce a lot of negative emotions and potential uneasiness, and even produce a bad psychological shadow on the future life.

Parents love their children and are willing to "sacrifice" for their children, but no parent has ever made an animal, has not changed for their children. Heavy taste mother who is not spicy and unhappy, hard not to eat a bite of chili pepper during lactation, and developed a light eating habit; A beautiful woman who loves makeup, after having a child, she looks plain every day and never wears makeup. In order to make a good living for her children, poor righteous mothers would rather suffer and suffer on their own... To say that this is a "sacrifice" for the child is rather to say that the parents love the child. Once the parents keep these "sacrifices" in mind and often mention them to the child, the child will feel that he makes the parents unhappy, that he has harmed the parents, and that they will carry the burden of the soul.

As Yi Nengjing said some time ago, "Why sacrifice for children? He didn't ask you to sacrifice anything. He wants you to be happy, and when you say sacrifice for him, maybe you didn't think about it, and he carries your greatness on his back. And this kind of words that make children feel guilty and carry weight forward, unconsciously planted in the child's heart, become I love my mother so much, but hurt my mother, I don't want to be born, I would rather you don't sacrifice anything, you live happily. ”

Is that what parents want to see?

So, stop talking about your "sacrifice" and stop saying "I've paid so much for you, why are you still disobedient?" I sacrificed myself, and if you don't study well, I'll be disappointed!" In this way, children can truly feel the love of their parents and move forward happily and easily on the road of life.