01
Everyone's situation is different, no matter what others say, what they advise, or even what kind of emotions you have, make any choice, you must come according to your actual situation. The suggestions of others may be correct, but have you ever thought about it, and it is not suitable for your actual situation.
And you can't just think about the present, but also think about the future, never have to spend your life to pay for a momentary impulse, which will hurt yourself, but also harm the child.
Since it is a choice, it means that there must be a trade-off, so you must consider all aspects to ensure that the result of the choice is more beneficial than harmful.
In fact, there is a sentence in "The Way of Heaven" that is very worth pondering:
"If my filial piety was conditional on my father's pain and dignity, I wouldn't really know what I was."
This is a very contradictory, but also a difficult choice, in addition to filial piety, love is the same, love, affection, can not be a kidnapping posture, let alone with my love for you to bind each other. So many times, we think that what we do is because of love, but in fact we may have violated the original intention of love.
For example, when you love someone, you want to be with the other person, but when the situation does not allow, restraint, letting go, fulfillment, and blessing are also another form of love, not necessarily what you think. If you keep the other person regardless of disregard, it seems that it is also because of love, but it may be more likely that you can't restrain your obsession, considering that you can't lose this love.
The same is true for children, you insist on taking the child, probably just because you can't lose the child, it is true that you love the child very much, but on the basis of love, there is still obsession, and you will also say that you are for the child.
If the future life is difficult, you will inevitably have to say in front of your child: "Look at how much your mother has sacrificed for you, how much she has paid." Then the child's heart has a burden, and he may not be able to walk out of such a burden in his lifetime, higher than the sky and deeper than the sea.
02
Seven years after the divorce, Luo Hui (pseudonym) has experienced a lot, and because of these experiences, she understands a lot. Simply put, she regretted taking the child away from the divorce, after all, her ex-husband did not have the kind of paranoia, mania and violent tendencies that could affect the child's growth.
Although the ex-husband tried his best to keep the child, Luo Hui still insisted on taking the child away, for three reasons, he could not let go of the child; he felt that the child could not be separated from himself; he was afraid that the child would be wronged in the future.
Although she thought of the difficulty of taking a child alone, Luo Hui at that time only felt that as long as she had her own love, she could fill the regrets in her child's life. Then it backfires despite one's own poor financial conditions, because this kind of thing is almost certain.
Your economic conditions are not good, there are still many places to spend money, then most of your focus and energy must be placed on work, you have no time to take care of the growth of your children, at least not with your emotions and ideas.
In the process of children's growth, maternal love is very important, but in addition to maternal love, everything is inseparable from money, and children also need father's love.
So this is also the first truth that Luo Hui has been divorced for seven years, and she understands that raising children alone is to spend money, spend money, spend money.
Especially after the child is older, with a sense of comparison, when the quality of life with classmates and partners is too different, it is easy to develop an inferior and introverted personality, plus he grew up in a single-parent family.
And because of Luo Hui's relationship with her ex-husband, the number of times the ex-husband came to see the child was less and less, and the ex-husband saw the child less and less, and then waited for the ex-husband to remarry, the child basically had no father. If the child could be left to the ex-husband at that time, the parent-child relationship between mother and child came from the October pregnancy, and the child still had his own love and could never give up.
To some extent, because of Luo Hui's choice, the child has lost a person who is closest to him, who can bring selfless help to his future growth.
Ex-husband always has to take into account the idea of his current wife, even if it is the same as himself, just like when I married you, the situation is that I don't want you to manage the children, and slowly get used to the life of not having to care about the children, and then suddenly one day to spend money for the children, tens of thousands of hundreds of thousands, which causes the burden of their own lives, and there is no psychological preparation before, it must be resisted.
Yes, at the time of the divorce, the mother insisted on taking the child: seven years later, I realized that I may have harmed the child, if I had left the child to my ex-husband, at least he still had the love of his grandparents and father, and his mother would always be his mother, unlike now, he only has one mother.
03
Of course, everyone's situation is different, and there is no choice that is the standard answer, no matter what the point of view, it is not tailored for any one person. At least the premise of not taking the child away, the child's father is still reliable, in the matter of raising the child.
In fact, I have heard a more heartfelt sentence before:
"If your financial conditions are not good, don't take the child, the child will not thank you, and may resent you in the future." Male parent-child relationship needs to be cultivated, unlike female parent-child relationship, children will always have your love. ”
So if the situation allows, we must not affect the child's life path because of our own pain.
In addition to emotionally, the child has good financial help, must go better, love the child, is to be good for the child, but in the case of ability does not allow, in the end how to be good to the child. Not as long as you love the child, anything can be solved, in the child's growth process, it is not enough to have love.
Faced with such a choice, the heart is always very painful, who let things have developed to this point, there is a good way to have the best of both worlds, that is, you can reconcile.
So a lot of times, it seems that there is no choice, in fact, there is a choice, but we are not willing to choose, because we don't want to change ourselves, just want to change each other, or wait for the other party to change first, resulting in the best choice, and there is no way to choose.
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