Psychology believes that labeling children under the age of 7 as bad is a form of psychological abuse that hurts their self-esteem.
Being punished for doing something wrong and being beaten up will cause them to feel inferior, self-deprecating, and ashamed to believe that they are bad.
For children, emotional mishandling can also cause great psychological trauma.
When my parents were young, they said, "If you don't obey me anymore, I won't want you anymore", resulting in the inability to express emotions later on, and the lack of security.
How traumatic will the shadow of childhood be?
This issue has received widespread attention recently.
We sometimes inadvertently say that the current situation is because of my "childhood shadow".
These shadow events are similar and some are not similar, and one of the commonalities they have is that we feel hurt and make us not have a good time now.
Where did childhood wounds come from?
In fact, the easiest way to feel the child's perspective is to think about your own childhood experiences.
Sometimes we often find that some things are now a particularly small thing in our eyes, but we don't know why we just can't get by.
We may have had a scene where a child is crying and his parents say to him, "I don't want you if I cry again." ”
When we grow up, we must all know that this is a means to stop the child from crying, but in the child's view, the "mother does not want me" thing is true.
The child can't live on his own, he leaves his mother is equivalent to no food, no shelter, that actually means loneliness and death, especially for the child who hears this for the first time, it is catastrophic, it is a matter of life and death.
Each of us adults has an inner child who is so frightened and distorted, are you willing to see and be considerate of this pain, depression and helplessness?
In the decades when our external bodies have grown into adulthood, deeper and deeper and more hidden in the subconscious of our lives, he has always longed to be seen, released, and loved.
This child is actually affecting our lives all the time, and the wounded inner child is a projection machine.
Childhood adversity experiences that change your brain and body, which are not saying "you have a problem", on the contrary, this is the survival mechanism that a person develops in order to survive, and it is a manifestation of a person's strong resilience.
It's just that when you're out of danger now, your brain and body don't know, so you continue to operate with the old brain circuits, you continue to be in the "fight or flight" stress response, and you continue to use the dysfunctional amygdala, and many things around you are considered dangerous.
Rationally, you know that you are now out of the traumatic environment of childhood, but your physical and emotional brain is still living in the past, living in trauma.
Physical childhood, perhaps because of the first intake of the world's images, is deeply affected by any harm;
Maybe it's because of his young age that he is so helpless and unbearable.
These injuries even subtly affect our personality growth, relationships, perception of the world, and so on:
People who lack the company of their parents from an early age may be more rebellious;
People who have been sexually assaulted or molested as children may be afraid to approach the opposite sex;
Children who grow up under violence will have a worse temper;
People who have been suppressed and controlled since childhood may hide a deep inferiority complex, and many are not confident, all from families from childhood.
The subconscious mind and body that does not lie
All of our experiences are remembered in two ways, one is what we actually feel, that is, those that are recorded by the body, and the other is what we "should" feel, in order to conform to the moral norms and standards that have long been internalized.
The body does not understand this moral code at all.
The body is the guardian of the truth because it carries our lifelong experiences and is responsible for allowing us to live with our truth.
Through illness, the body forces us to bring the truth into consciousness as well, so that we can communicate harmoniously with the child who was once ignored by us, but has always been in our hearts.
When I can feel the emotions that have been locked in my body for a long time, I can begin to shake off my past.
If my body refuses to love or respect its parents for reasons that it knows very well, then I cannot force myself to do so.
How to minimize childhood injuries?
When each of us goes back to our childhood, we will feel more or less that we have been hurt, sometimes ignored by our parents, sometimes scolded by our parents, sometimes some losses, such as losing relatives, losing friends, transferring schools, and even losing something important.
Some traumas, which may be too large for the child to handle, are deeply imprinted in the heart, but may also be within the scope of the child's acceptance and treatment.
Every child has a different perception of the same event.
The support that every child can receive at home is also different.
How traumatic childhood can be is not a simple arithmetic problem for everyone.
It means how we understood the things of childhood when we were young, and how we reconcile with those things now.
To love your childhood self
The older you get, the harder it is to get the love your parents have refused to give from others. But the body's expectations don't stop with age – or even the complete opposite!
Expectations are usually passed on to others, most likely their own children and grandchildren.
The only way out of this predicament is to be conscious of this mechanism and, through the process of self-awareness, to see as much as possible the truth about our childhood.
We can then give ourselves needs that have been waiting to be filled since birth or earlier.
In this way, we can provide ourselves with the attention, respect, understanding of our emotions, necessary protection, and unconditional love that we have not received from our parents.
To achieve this, we need a special ability: to love our childhood selves.
Without this capacity to love, we would not know what love is.
As our emotions, step by step, reveal in front of him and us what we endured in childhood and what we had to endure in the past, this companion can accompany us to experience the fear and anger of our loneliness and youth.
If we get this kind of companionship, I think we can start from this moment to help the child in our hearts, to understand his body language, to explore his needs, rather than ignoring those needs as our parents have been ignoring.
When we no longer need to expend energy on suppressing our own truth, we will not live very depressed
Regarding the parents and the family of origin, I think the maximum words are:
When my parents did that, I was really hurt, and now that I think about it, I am still very aggrieved.
This step is to acknowledge that the child's experience is unfair and to reconcile his or her own experience.
No matter what you do, no matter what you say, you are showing the world who you see yourself as.
When you complain and get angry, who do you think you are?
When you are lonely and afraid, who do you think you are?
When you think you can only be happy and satisfied if others change their attitude toward you, who do you think of yourself?
Use your memory, but don't let your memory take advantage of you.
If you like to think of yourself as a wounded child, as a powerless child, as a weak woman, as a provocateur, that is your right, and it is your way to get pain, you have the right to do it, you have the right to do it for the rest of your life, as long as you want.
In the same way, you have the right to see yourself as a mature and responsible person, respecting yourself, accompanying yourself, loving yourself, comforting and supporting yourself.
There is no need to suppress anger and resentment, sadness will come in, anger to the extreme is sadness, when sadness comes, acceptance begins; when acceptance begins, love will naturally arise.
For all anger and resentment are nothing more than courtship.
Psychological research has found that although parents rarely have a direct impact on their children's personality development, they can indirectly let their children grow and develop better by allowing them to attend better schools and live in better communities.
We are not saying that the family is not important, the family is still important, it is just that people may misunderstand its effects or exaggerate its role.
Your parents can't decide your future, and you can still choose to pursue everything you like.
You have the right and the ability to own your own life.
Man has the ability to destroy another person, and he has the ability to heal another person, and we can be the one who can heal others.
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